Tuesday, 20 December 2011


 Hey people. Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Love you guys muchos. Today i am featuring a fellow almost-passive blogger who i find very eccentric. His name is IK and you can find him here although he hasn't been updating for a while. Anyway, he wrote this letter to Santa last year and i wanted to share it.

Dear Santa,
It’s funny how it’s only this time of the year you become relevant, I mean, I never ever think of you through out the whole year. Maybe it because for some reasons in the last 10 years I haven’t gotten a gift from you, now why is that? You definitely can’t say I haven’t been good these past years. Or is it because we moved and no longer live on the top floor, and our house doesn’t have a chimney? How do you ever fit into chimneys with your excess fat and sagging stomach, haven’t you heard of something called a gym? I mean you go around carrying your big fat belly around encouraging fathers that it looks cool. I guess you also drink too much beer that’s why, so which is your brand? Star, 33, Gulder? Naa you look like a Heineken man. Do me a favour, go hit the gym and while you’re at it, stop at the barbers place. They just might mistake you for a terrorist climbing people’s roofs #justsaying

I left the doors open last year hoping you’ll think it wise not to pass my house by since I don’t have a chimney, but I guess the excess fat’s getting your brains clogged. (No offense). Or could it be because the last time you landed Rudolf and the other reindeer (never figured out their names) on the roof, my neighbours saw it as an opportunity for free Christmas game kill and tried out their stoning practice on the deers hoping for free meat? Poor Rudolf! One would think that by now you’d have caught up with the 21st century and bought yourself a cool set of wheels. And quit messing up peoples roofing sheets, you do realise people in Nigeria/Ibadan use zinc right? I mean, it gets really noisy when you land, you practically wake the whole neighbourhood, which gives up your position and once again you become target practice.

Rumour has it that traps have been set for you on roofs and instead of stones like the last time, security men have been equipped with hunting rifles, its tagged “operation shoot to kill”, and who ever gets to kill or trap Rudolf gets his red nose and head.
So I advice you try the wheels. Don’t go for low cars, try the SUV’s or Sienna, they have enough room for you and the gifts. Hey I could even hook you up with a good deal. If you’re game you know how to find me.

Speaking of gifts, you really do owe me all these lost years and have to make up, also I’m going out here risking my neck by telling you the plans they have for your deer and saving your red behind so you really need to step up and show me some attic love. My list it really isn’t much just the basic;
1st of all I need a bb, not blue band I mean a black berry. I’m sick of chicks asking me for a pin and I’m running out of lines to tell them. BB bold 9700
2. An Ipad Wi-Fi 16GB tablet
3. Zune
4. Skate board…….i don’t know how too, but would be cool to carry one in my back pack.
5. Nikon D5000 digital camera
6. TAG Heuer or a Casio G- shock
7. PS 3 and make sure it comes with Call of Duty: Black Ops game
8. A date with Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj
9. A new wardrobe, with all the basics and essentials
Finally my last gift is for you…..buy a clipper for me but you can keep it, you need it more than I do. And make sure you use it; you need a serious total make over, probably should try a Mohawk or weave. Don’t you watch E! TV or The Style Network? You need to go watch them, start with TSN, watch “How Do I Look”, and then get some style tips from E! Lose that big fluffy red and white costume you wear and replace it with a suit. Trust me you’ll look more like an entrepreneur/CEO than some weirdo climbing into people’s house to toy with kids. You just might beat Brad Pitt to the father of the year award if you take my advice.

Anyway don’t say I never wrote you this year and didn’t show you love, once again my house would be the only one without a zinc roof and with the generator on, not expecting PHCN to be nice that day. Would put a sign board for you just in case and the spare house key is under the mat. So you don’t have an excuse for miss my house.
Don’t forget, gym, change your wardrobe, wheels, salon, and please quit the way you laugh, kids now know the slang word whore, so when you go HOHOHOHOHO, it sound pretty much like whorewhorewhore…….lol, sorry had to add that, really funny joke I heard.

Merry Christmas Santa, would be on the look out for you on the eve of Christmas.


  1. Dude is sure witty..

    Loved the post.

  2. LOL. IK has a good sense of humor. Psyche him to blog some more. Will visit his blog soon.

  3. I haven't written any letter to Santa but last year I wrote a short story about how Santa saved Christmas. This year I wrote another Christmas tale, "Santa and the Hollywood Haram" also on how Santa saved Christmas this year.

    Available on my blog on Christmas day but anyone who have been good gets it in their email inbox.

  4. Ik, you too funny. Santa should rock a crew cut huh? So parents and children everywhere wont recognise him and prolly think its a thief coming down their chimney..

  5. IK is funny. I wonder if Santa will make his list.

  6. I know a Santa that uses AK47,i'm sure all those things IK wants won't be an issue with him.LOL

  7. Blessings......

    The true santa is the spirit of giving so technically "he/she" exists all year round.


  8. IK has killed santa lol

  9. LMAO.. seriously funny. I shall come back to ask IK on the 26th if Santa was kind to him or not.

  10. Loool, the hohoho joke is funny!!!

  11. LMAO...well maybe if IK stopped talking trash about Santa and his reindeer, he'd actually show up lol

  12. LOL funny one!

    Merry Christmas to you dear

  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year ahead!

  15. P.S..I just might write a leter to santa tooo..*wink wink*

  16. Hello Sweetheart
    Thanks for checking up on me
    I apologise for my tardiness.....Hope I'm forgiven.

    Have blessed 2012

  17. Happy New Year dear. Waiting for your juicy gists.

  18. Hi Toinlicious,

    Happy New Year to you and yours. I'm sorry I haven't been here recently. Have had a lot on my plate. BTW, the malware warning on my blog is false. Nothing will happen to your computer or phone. I tested the malware warning, so I know. The false warning is an attempt to stop our blogging campaign.

    I saw your comment on 9jaFooDie's post. THANK YOU for wanting to take part in the blogging campaign against the removal of the fuel subsidy. Please also circulate to other bloggers to get involved. This is how to take part:

    What You can do (Everyone has a part to play)
    I am asking all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties to join me in a Nigerian Bloggers Protest for a week. To join the protest:

    1. Do a post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"

    2. Add 9jaFooDie's pic/tabled diagram (on her current post) in your post

    3. Publish your post

    4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place the post in a prime position on your blog for seven days.

    5. Bloggers and Non-bloggers: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media.

    I will come back to comment when you post. Once again, thank you. May we reap the benefits in the success of our country Nigeria in the very near future.

  19. Blessings & happy New Year. May this year bring for you an embracing of your authentic self and dreams fulfilled.


  20. Ha ha ha. Santa is a fictional character arranged by coca cola inc centuries ago hence the red suit, typical coca cola signature and the huge sale of coke products after all the badgering commercials va media and billboards



  21. All This?? Lord!!! Santa`s sure gonna retire

  22. Lol!!

    Happy new year to you. Come and blog o!


  23. Singing while searching for you *Where oh where has my friend gone to?* *Oh where oh where can she be?*
    Missing you here babe. Hope you are ok.


  25. Happy new year every1! Wishing y'all a prosperous & blissful year. Pls drop ur tweeter handles so I can #ff. Mine's @toinlicious. My vac's been awesome unfortunately, I've not had real access to the internet. Any1 know how to blog on bb? I desperately need to blog pls.

    @Che, *singing in SWV's voice* I will be right here, be right here* I'm loving ur new profile pix gurl! Missed u too. Blogger has been mean to me. I can read some blogs & comment on some but not others. I usually get error 404 :-( dnt knw if u'll c dis sef. Pls if any1 knows y I'm getting dat error & wat I can do about it, pls holla. Thanx

    @Da Injurer, my blog love *singing* "l love my baby, dats my baby" lol, I'v been gud hon. Been eating/sleeping/watching movies/obsessing over 9ja/occupying etc #vacationthings. I hope ur feeling much better (those kisses r supposed 2work wonders *wink)

    As for my comment, I dey vex gaan ni jere. Remember hw much was spent on handing-over? Despite d fact dat he was d 1 handing over to himself. Remember hw much was spent for 9ja's 50th anniversary? 140million naira cake? & we shuld trust trust dem to make d right investments? Nonsense & ingredient. He can be reading $300,542.35 newspaper annually bt we're broke & cannot afford fuel subsidy abi? Mshew

    I soo badly wanted to join the blog protest bt I'm not home atm & av no access to the internet. BIS also sucks around here & I do my blogrounds from midnight to early hours of the morning. Still trying to find a way to put my post up.
    Read ur latest post. Fantastic read. Wish GEJ culd read & answer those questions.
    En en, pls come & laugh ur fuel into my car or gen o! No laugh am off abeg hehehe

  26. babes! how you dey now? been a while abeg come back jor, i dey miss yah!. cheers dearie.

    1. Priscy! thanx for checking up sweetie. i'm back and i'll be updating soo. *hugs*

  27. I do believe it now your time to disappear LOL
    Where r u???

    Hope all is well with you.

    1. I am here, i did, i done i was here (in some beyonce type voice ish lol) I tried my bestest to be around but blogger had other plans. Thanx for checking up tho, i lurvs u. i'll be updating soon

  28. Toin.. do you have two blogs coz i could have sworn i was following you.. lol
    i always get you on my time feed.. news feed lool whatever it is called..
    and where is the recent post.. i cannot see it anymore ... but i am following this one now :) ...
    for the email blogging.. go to settings on blogger dashboard
    and click on email and mobile xx

    1. Just this 1 blog o. Hope blogger aint messing with me. Thanx luv. I'm about to get on the phone blogging thing. ur the best

  29. lmao...poor santa.. he prob will give up after reading this! nyc one

  30. Now that Easter has past, I am just curious to know if Santa even showed up? LOL! Makeover or not, having any MAN (or woman) climb down your chimney is downright creepy, man! And leaving the key under the mat? 'Awon "armed" boys' better not take note. From BB to iPad to Zune ... I can tell he's "not" brand-loyal (chuckling)

    P.S. Goat meat beats deer meat anyday. At least that's what I say.


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