Thursday, 19 February 2015

An Open Note To Toinlicious

I had another post in mind, a crazy one at that so stay tuned because it's all typed and ready for posting. In the meantime, there's this Chocoholiclady I want y'all to meet. She's mean. So mean. Ya'll remember this post where I complained about my weight, right? Well, she decided to reply me here. Let me just put this out there, listen, I don't enjoy people washing me and making my head swell *checks nose* I mean, no one likes or enjoys washing right? Right *side eyes* That would be totally vain and we all know I'm not er em vain *checks nose again to be sure I'm not going Pinocchio* so no, I didn't enjoy her wash. I mean, I did NOT smile while reading her open letter. I certainly was NOT grinning like a Cheshire cat and all while reading her intro to said post. I was totally NOT laughing my ass off at her descriptions and finally my insides were definitely NOT doing backflips and shii *hides grin*. I was just reading with a blank face O____O Now that we've gotten that outa the way, imma try that honesty mama taught me. She's amazeballs and warm and fuzzy and funny as hell. She started out with really cool nibbles and really went in #NoPunIntended hehehe 

Toin this is the response I promised.

So a while back I became more active on twitter and had the blessing (or so I thought at the time) of meeting a bubbly lady called toinlicious. Her blog is wonderful and I have enjoyed getting to know her through her blog. She is truly a bubbly piece sugar, spice and all things rainbowy and her posts, no matter how random have a way of putting a smile on your face (toin wipe that smile off your face, this post is not going to be complimentary -____- ). She is the kind of person I believe I would enjoy having as  a friend in real life not just on twitter or at least I thought so until THE EVENT.  Yes oh! I have an issue with the beloved toinlicious.

Here is how it went down. I was jejely on my own  oh when I saw a notification on my phone. Toin had tagged me in a tweet with a link to her blog. I was all excited and happy. The ode that I am I clicked on the link and went to read hoping for a shot of some toinlicious sunshine. The post started out great. I was there nodding and smiling  (side note: toin I am also waiting for the married peeps to answer that question oh. I am with you on the bbm sticker thing. After I have laboured for my salary, I will now throw it away on bbm stickers. Have all the words and emoticons in this world finished? hian) then I came upon this piece of blasphemy!

“So I got a UK size 6 dress and I’m sad because it fits. I thought I was a size 8 but apparently, the image of myself in my head is somewhat distorted. Help! I don’t want to disappear! I intend to do some damage this Xmas though. Size 12 coming soon (Please don’t rain on my parade, teinks)” – Toinlicious 2014

O_____O CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT ?!!! this young woman is sad and complaining because she fits in a size 6 dress. Do you know when last I fit in a size 6 dress?  To my eternal shame I am not sure iI have ever fit in one. Kai some people don’t know what they have. TOIN! you have the precious gift of “inability to be fat” and you are crying.  You are trying to gain weight and be double your current size????  Somebori help me, this world is finished. In fact I am just speechless.  Do I need to educate  this young woman on the massive disadvantages of this path she is treading? On behalf of all card carrying members of the chubilichubchub club I am insulted. Please feel free to throw your gift in my general direction. All I have to do is sniff a burger and I can feel my hips expand.  I enter cold stone and I feel 5 pounds attach themselves before I even place an order. Just one meat pie and gbam I have gained 6 kg. I am very vexed. In fact I am beefing you here. I am here trying, struggling and fighting to be a UK size 10  and this young woman is effortlessly a size 6. See the insult!!!!! Then to add salt to an open wound, she is throwing the gift back in the face of God!. Toin let me assure you, you will not disappear. Has Beyonce disappeared? Kate moss nko? Even Victoria Beckham has not disappeared (truly, at some point I thought she would). Please wash your eyes well and if need be get glasses and un distort that image you have of yourself sharply.

My dear people this is a classic case of “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” and yes Toin darling I haff rain on your parade. :P However, in spite of your misguided desire toin… I still think you are a rainbow in the sky that is blogville!
XOXO dearie!
Chocoholic lady!

Lool see she's dope. Check out here blog. I enjoyed her 2014 lessons too. Really dope.
Mad gist up next.

Update: I wore that dress yesterday and thankfully, the bust area is now very tight. Yassssss! *flees*

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Bang Bang

Hi ya lovely people. Happy new month. I know I said I'd do better this year (in my head) and I'm working towards that. This is why I'm disvirging this blog this month. Half a cup of Coldstone is better than nothing, right? Right. I thought so too. I saw the above picture and it made so much sense so I decided to share. In fact, this post was just supposed to be that picture up there but somehow I could not stop typing so lets see for how long I can keep this going :D I've been feeling all kinds of grown up lately though.*plucks grey hair out* Duru biko, come lets swap ages I don't want your confused and woman wrapper mind though.

Before I forget, the sun has been maaaadddddd lately kilode

Dear Sun,
We are sorry. There is no contest or competition.
Lagos and Abuja girls are just delusional. You're still the hottest. There's absolutely no need to remind us.

Concerned and Roasted Nigerian
Jessie J

So, I have a proper blogpost lined up. In fact, I have several. I just need to get my growing ass to focus and write properly which is going to be soon, I promise. In the meantime, there's this new artist that I've been listening to, Jessie J. She's hella dope and she can sing her butt off #NoKidding. She did a collaboration with Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande in Bang Bang here:

God bless, nothing less, jiggy more *wink* If you don't know the song I got that from, it was apparently before your time you need to fix up:D

By the way, are there so many amazing new blogs or what! I can't wait to discover even more. I should do a review of the new ones I love.

In the meantime, check me out on Twitter: @Toinlicious and Instagram: @Toinlicious :D

I'll be back