Wednesday, 27 March 2013


That is according to Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England's University of Winchester and author of the provocative book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating. I got the link from someone this morning and i found it interesting. Am i delusional in thinking people can actually have happy monogamous relationships? What do you think about open sexual relationships?
According to Eric Anderson,

"Monogamy is failing men. Not only is it failing them, but it's a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that can lead to a life of anger and contempt... Cheating, however, serves men pretty well. An undiscovered affair allows them to keep their relationship and emotional intimacy, and even if they're busted it's a lot easier than admitting that they wanted to screw someone else in the first place, he writes. In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner." Contrary to what we may think, most men aren't cheating because they don't love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn't pooh-pooh that.
Monogamy's stronghold on our beliefs -- what he calls monogamism -- brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries. That doesn't make sense to Anderson, who wonders why we stigmatize someone who has a fling more than couples who divorce -- throwing away a marriage rich in history and love, upsetting their kids' lives -- over something like sex. Monogamy isn't the only "proper" way to be in a relationship, and he says it's time that society finds "multiple forms of acceptable sexual relationship types -- including sexually open relationships -- that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony." It's especially important for today's young men, for whom monogamous sex seems more boring than in generations past because of easy premarital sex and pornography."

You can read the rest of the post here

I'll keep the rest of my opinions to myself for now but please my people, lets discuss this. I'm especially interested in what guys have to say about this.

Kisses and i'll be back


  1. I disagree with this school of tort/thought.
    Open relationships ridicules or makes mockery of marriage vows. If you truly love someone, you WONT WANT TO SHARE with anybody!

    p.s Thanks again for the gift.

  2. This guy interviewed 120 undergraduates, come on! Anyway, cheating cuts across both genders. I am more with open relationships where you tell me when you begin to fall for someone else, and we can decide what to do about it. Will I give permission, probably not. I'll prefer we work on our relationship.

  3. Monogamy is failing men?!? More like men are failing at monogamy and perhaps the bigger issue, failing at self/impulse control.

    For starters, no one is forcing monogamy on anyone. There is no law that says you have to get married. So if open relationships, late night booty-calls and bend-over buddies are your thing, do you. Honestly, look around. The only people being ostracized for not participating in monogamous relationships are women so i don't even know what this person is on about.

    I personally am not interested in open relationships, sexual or otherwise, and would prefer it if my (future) partner not pretend to be down with monogamy if it really isn't his cup of tea. Why waste time deceiving ourselves?

  4. Every human being needs some sort/kind of supervision, I think monogamy provides the basis for that. He says it can become boring with one partner. Well, there are toys.

  5. The only people being ostracized for not participating in monogamous relationships are women

  6. If you truly love someone, you WONT WANT TO SHARE with anybody!

  7. Open relationship is a mockery of marriage, they want to eat their cake and have it ..ha!

  8. This chap studied 120 undergrads (not even married men with serious marital and family ties) and found out 78% of them cheated on their partners. And based on that he's making all this ridiculous conclusions. Heap of crap. Did all the married men go on vacation to mars when he did this crappy study? Besides there is no law that says you must marry.

  9. Another 'intellectual' who just wants to make a name for himself
    I see marriage as similar to a business partnership......
    If 2 people come together to start a the business not likely to fail if one of them starts moonlighting with another business.
    Issues around 'betrayal'; 'divided attention' and 'failed shared dreams' now arise.

    In my opinion, if one feels monogamy is a burden; dont get married and mes up another person's life.

  10. Dis study is iranu join penkelemess......monogamy failing men? what is failing women....there are things that shouldn't be shared..... mbanu......

  11. na wa oh! I dunno. i just can't agree to an open relationship with someone I love. I won't. never!

  12. the man should stop yarning dust jare!!or whatever it is that he's yarning. How many subjects did he interview to determine men's ability. Let the men talk themselves and when i mean men, i mean the godly and sensible ones oo..lool
    i don't believe it one bit jare. it's just part of the world's way of misinterpreting things as usual.
    hows you by the way and i have an award for you to pick from my blog so come check it out.

  13. I call hoe! This man is an ass. Lady Ngo has spoken my mind so no need to flog a dead horse. The discourse would have been more meaningful if he said monogamy was not for everyone...THAT I agree with. But if monogamy is not for you and you forage into it, then your hoe-ass should not blame monogamy for your inability to keep it in your pants and maintain a modicum of discipline. Self and instant gratification have become the watchwords for this generation, to the detriment of all things and institutions. Such a shame.

  14. His philosophy is very warped. He just wants to impose this messed-up mindset on the rest of the world. Ain't gonna happen!

    Monogamy is loyalty, discipline and commitment in a marriage. That's the template for a successful relationship/marriage.

    Open relationships? Please! That's a joke. Just call it promiscuity.

  15. Hello,

    Very interesting post.

    A married person should be loyal to the partner otherwise marriage will break up sooner or later. Besides the couple is also setting a bad example to their children.

    Best wishes

  16. This is so wrong...egbami ke!

  17. I disagree with him. And totally at that, Also, for goodness sake, he only interviewed 120 (sexually uncontrolled) graduates! Abeggi, this guy does not have a convincing argument. His is just so probable. Monogamy is nothing near being boring. How you handle your relationship may be, it all depends on the individual self and not on monogamy.

  18. It is wrong to cheat coz it's not by force to marry. However there're many wrong things that are done by people these days. Not many men plan to cheat on their partner. Like they say, the spirit is willing but the body is weak. Where the man crossed the line is trying to make it look normal and good. Voice of Sagacity

  19. Blessings.....
    Though I say people should stop “researching” ways for validation and justification for the choices they make. There should only be one truth that is the truth of ownership, integrity and responsibility for ones actions, interactions and decisions. If one is inclined to live their life where they experience many lovers then they should have the courage to live it out loud and draw to them that which is acceptable to them instead of engaging in deception, coercion, control and manipulations. For every person there is a lifestyle suited to them.

  20. Lady Ngo and Rhapsody have said it all. Very important points about women carrying the burden for monogamy, not men. a choice is a choice, people should not blame others for the choices that they themselves make.

    'LMAO at Lady Ngo's comment: "bend-over buddies." Trying not to create a mental image for that one!

  21. In the words of someborri, Oga park well jare. Nonsense and ingredient. Some men are always looking for an excuse for polygamy. This has no foundation. That research will prolly not stand a before a panel of judges. To him and his ilk, I say 'its alright'. There are equally women who dont mind open relationships, so make sure you yoke up with them.

  22. People will always find an argument to support whatever choices they make in life. Marriage is not by force-it is a choice and once you make a choice, you are automatically okaying the guiding principles that go with the choice you made. If a man wants to be polygamous, let him come out openly and let people know that he is a polygamist, and go for as many women, as would have him, but if he claims he wants just one woman, then let him stick to his choice!

    When two people get married, or get into a relationship and exchange vows before witnesses, they enter into a covenant agreement; covenant is unilateral, irrevocable, indissoluble commitment, which is valid until death-ask the people who have foolishly taken blood oaths to love each other for life.This researcher, is just looking for his own day in the limelight.

  23. Simply Mee: God bless you ma'am. You're very welcome :)

    Myne: I don't get the guy too o. 120 undergraduates.

    LadyNgo: Girl, hi5! Women are mostly suffering from the double standards anyway. Just place your cards on the table.

    Eya: Lmao@ there are toys. That's one way to fix boredom lol

    Jemima: People wanting to eat their caking and still having it, boom! End of story

    Anon 18:37: Exactly!

    NIL: Exactly. I don't get the kind of name he is trying to get for himself though with sub-standard research like this? He opens himself more to ridicule than respect. Monogamy is not by force. Simple.

    Sykik: Lol@Penkelemess. Abi jere.

    Abi Tobi: I don't think i can too. I don't think i can deal with the headache.

    SugarSugar: I don't know what bran of expired weed is responsible for this, honestly. Thanks for the award love. You're a darling *muah*

    CherryWine: Sweetheart, i also call a Selfish hoe! If it's not for you, don't forage into it #TheEnd

    Relentless: Hi5 @ warped. And to base a whole book on this crappy research? *Rolling my eyes*

    Joseph Pulikotil: Hey, been a while you came around. I'm glad you're fine. Thanks for the comment too. I totally agree.

    Dayor: You too are in shock ba? Welcome to my world.

    Strong Self: I also disagree with him for about the same reasons as you. 120 college students with raging hormones won't cut it for me. Most of who have probably never been married at that.

    Olumide: Your comment is much appreciated.

    Blogoratti: That all? Please say more than "interesting" please :)

    Rhapsody: Boom! And that is all i'm saying.

    Adura Ojo: I agree with them too. That mental image though lmao already

    Ginger: Lol@ Someborri's words. He really should park well away from my vicinity ni gan sef. At least do yourself and your partner a favour and let him/her know exactly what you're about so s/he doesn't get pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised.

    Unyime-Ivy King: I totally agree with you. Make a choice and stand by it but please don't just justify your choices by these below standard researches like that. Marriage is definitely not by force.


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