HE POUNDED MY YAMS AND OTHER STORIES

My lovelies, I know I've been MIA. I'm sorry but I blame Twitter. To all those who checked up on me, y'all awesome. I didn't abandon your blogs though, just mine. In fact, I've been scoring cool points on Atilola's blog as the newest blog hottie. You don't believe me? Fine, be like that. You can ask Atilola though (besides, hottie sounds way better than efico please). *pops collar* So yea, I've been winning recharge cards and getting beefed...usual stuff in my very own blog-celeb world. In fact, at this point, you can bring on any Blogsville trivia and I'll smash it. I'm that confident *dodges shoes* Can you guys stop pelting me with stuff already? *tongue out* Anyway, Atilola has met an incredible number of bloggers! I'm not even kidding. You can head on to hers for recharge card wins...that's if you get there before me *evil grin*

                                          

I remember mentioning in the number trois of this post that I remember the weirdest and most random things. Blame it on my weird brain. I'm sure my friends/family are tired of my blogsville tales...going on and on about how Tizzle is doing this, Beautiful is doing that, Ginger this, Sykik that. Besides, like I told Tamie, you all are not random to me. You are all real people with real lives and real stories. I actually had loads of fun with Cherrywine, Hattylola, Honeydame, Mizzy Tee and 1plus the One on twitter the other day lol. You guys rock and I love you tres much.

A disclaimer: There is not even a hint of pun or sleazy innuendo intended in the following story. None. Nada. Zilch. Now proceed.

If a man hasn't pounded your yam in your kitchen, you haven't lived. Yes, I said it and you can quote me. (How smug is this Cherrywine?) If that's not sexy as hell, I don't know what is. I mean, yam was pounded! In my kitchen! He came from Lagos to pound yam in my kitchen. He cooked the yams, checked to make sure they were done, then proceeded to pound the yams, with the portable mortar and pestle, right there in my kitchen! And he cleaned up after himself. He.Owned.My.kitchen! That is a whole bale of premium husband material right there, no? #DreamySigh. Dude stroked me all day and I didn't even have energy to strike back. The iyan was that good.

Press release: I shall not be entertaining further questions on this matter at this time lol. And no, he is not my intended (because I know how y'all think). And yes, he is easy on the eyes and decent and intelligent and single too (I've got to get paid for this washing o)

So, there has also been a wicked rumour about innocent me, activating the crazy in people. It is nothing but a wicked and untrue rumor so disregard. *sides eyes at Ken*

Testimony time. I got some new panties. Nothing newsworthy about that right? Hmn hmn. After checking the sizes, I picked some I was sure would fit and some others that I thought were big but absolutely gorgeous a la my desirous self ojukokoro. Worst case scenario, I'd give to my sister. I tried on the biggest of the bunch first when I got hime but lo and behold brethren, it fit! It was even a little tight! I quickly checked the size again! It was the biggest size y'all! Unbelievable! My butt has grown. All by its Itsy Bitsy self! I don't know if I can share this type of testimony elsewhere but since this is my blog and you all lor love me (you don't have to burst my bubble) I had to share the story here. God answers prayers people. He does! I know because this has been a prayer point since HoneyDame threatened to sit on me. God probably pulled a Bruce Almighty on my ass...literally :D

*shakes used-to-be-small-but-now-growing ikebe out here*

I'll be back ;) xoxo

Follow me on twitter @toinlicious