Saturday, 12 October 2013

HE POUNDED MY YAMS AND OTHER STORIES


My lovelies, I know I've been MIA. I'm sorry but I blame Twitter. To all those who checked up on me, y'all awesome. I didn't abandon your blogs though, just mine. In fact, I've been scoring cool points on Atilola's blog as the newest blog hottie. You don't believe me? Fine, be like that. You can ask Atilola though (besides, hottie sounds way better than efico please). *pops collar* So yea, I've been winning recharge cards and getting beefed...usual stuff in my very own blog-celeb world. In fact, at this point, you can bring on any Blogsville trivia and I'll smash it. I'm that confident *dodges shoes* Can you guys stop pelting me with stuff already? *tongue out* Anyway, Atilola has met an incredible number of bloggers! I'm not even kidding. You can head on to hers for recharge card wins...that's if you get there before me *evil grin*
                                          
I remember mentioning in the number trois of this post that I remember the weirdest and most random things. Blame it on my weird brain. I'm sure my friends/family are tired of my blogsville tales...going on and on about how Tizzle is doing this, Beautiful is doing that, Ginger this, Sykik that. Besides, like I told Tamie, you all are not random to me. You are all real people with real lives and real stories. I actually had loads of fun with Cherrywine, Hattylola, Honeydame, Mizzy Tee and 1plus the One on twitter the other day lol. You guys rock and I love you tres much.

A disclaimer: There is not even a hint of pun or sleazy innuendo intended in the following story. None. Nada. Zilch. Now proceed.

If a man hasn't pounded your yam in your kitchen, you haven't lived. Yes, I said it and you can quote me. (How smug is this Cherrywine?) If that's not sexy as hell, I don't know what is. I mean, yam was pounded! In my kitchen! He came from Lagos to pound yam in my kitchen. He cooked the yams, checked to make sure they were done, then proceeded to pound the yams, with the portable mortar and pestle, right there in my kitchen! And he cleaned up after himself. He.Owned.My.kitchen! That is a whole bale of premium husband material right there, no? #DreamySigh. Dude stroked me all day and I didn't even have energy to strike back. The iyan was that good.

Press release: I shall not be entertaining further questions on this matter at this time lol. And no, he is not my intended (because I know how y'all think). And yes, he is easy on the eyes and decent and intelligent and single too (I've got to get paid for this washing o)

So, there has also been a wicked rumour about innocent me, activating the crazy in people. It is nothing but a wicked and untrue rumor so disregard. *sides eyes at Ken*

Testimony time. I got some new panties. Nothing newsworthy about that right? Hmn hmn. After checking the sizes, I picked some I was sure would fit and some others that I thought were big but absolutely gorgeous a la my desirous self ojukokoro. Worst case scenario, I'd give to my sister. I tried on the biggest of the bunch first when I got hime but lo and behold brethren, it fit! It was even a little tight! I quickly checked the size again! It was the biggest size y'all! Unbelievable! My butt has grown. All by its Itsy Bitsy self! I don't know if I can share this type of testimony elsewhere but since this is my blog and you all lor love me (you don't have to burst my bubble) I had to share the story here. God answers prayers people. He does! I know because this has been a prayer point since HoneyDame threatened to sit on me. God probably pulled a Bruce Almighty on my ass...literally :D

*shakes used-to-be-small-but-now-growing ikebe out here*
I'll be back ;) xoxo

Follow me on twitter @toinlicious

48 comments:

  1. loool Toin o. Ehen please we need to have a discussion regarding Atilola's posts, find a way to tell me the answers from henceforth before I deal with you!!

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  2. LOL, your butt has grown? Must be all the yam pounding that was going on in your kitchen!

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  3. Lmao...you know the rumours are not untruths. I used to be the quiet guy in my office until you came to make me show myself. *evil side eye back at you*

    Ps- the bum is not bigger, na mislabelling of pantsize jare.

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    Replies
    1. HeheheHe,lol at mislabeliing,u wan make I piss for pant.
      And yes I totally agree to the fact this babes activates crazy in people,we are living proofs

      Delete
  4. WHo's pounding your yam in your kitchen Toin. You haff spoil finish no be small. Maybe that's what increased the size of your butt sef. Me I need a personal yam pounder oh.

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    Replies
    1. Let me get this straight; he pounded yam in your kitchen and cleaned up after? Today is a good day indeed.

      And as for the bum size, can we have pics? Don't understand how you and LadyNgo keep doing this to me

      Delete
  5. Pounded your yam?
    Your butt grew bigger?
    *putting on my thinking cap and solving the equation*
    Pounding yam = bigger butt, what is the X factor?

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  6. There are many questions to be answered oh, but I'll get back to that. Ehen, so your yansh is bigger? Welcome to the club o so na hips remain.

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  7. Lord Lord this babe won't kee somborri! Had a really good laff reading this post!

    Our very own B-ville effico!

    Yels you must answer questions! Who is pounding yam for you,Toin???

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  8. Toin has her eyes on the pounded yam guy o! Hallelujah for the testimony, now you need to send the prayer point over.

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  9. What do you mean you won't entertain any further questions?! After you made us swoon at the story!??

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  10. Toin! I actually miss reading your posts. So our prayers have been answered. Praise da Lord o.

    Please I need to hear that gist again.. So he pounded yam. Err, did t say he is single? Looool

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  11. When I saw the title of the post, I knew I'd get to laugh, as usual..

    Lmao... you this toin, you are just too funny..nothing else to say.

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  12. Toin why are you teasing us with this kind of gist and you expect us not to ask questions?

    Good to hear you are doing good and living life

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  13. Toin! They are pounding your yam and your ikebe is growing bigger?! I knew it! I just knew it! The 'iyan' must be very nutritious!

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    Replies
    1. U can say that again

      Delete
  14. Hmmmmmm,first of all He pounded your yam
    Then came the press release
    Finally rumour abt activating crazy in people
    Finally ur Bum grew bigger.
    Okay we patiently wait for part two of the toinwood romance movie.
    But me o,I knw say pounding yam and butt bigger are direct relationship
    On the other hand activating crazy in people and toinlicious has a strong direct relationship
    Because affter reading this at work I started loling in the office and ma coworkers be like,werin dey do am,I smile and say na Toinlicious

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  15. kai! toin. you yam has been pounded. tell me, was it tasty too. did it look as good as it tasted? and yes am asking questions *sticking my tongue out back at you*

    come let me give you some of my ikebe. lol....halleluyah for you. me sef i follow u testify. lmao

    ure so silly. lol

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  16. Lol
    Me missed you
    Don't stay away for so long again, pretty please x

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  17. Lmao! Hilarious as always!

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  18. LOOOOL!! Goodness you are a nutcase!! SMH!!

    All that yam pounding going on... hmmm!!

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  19. I am soo angry!!! typed epistle response and to publish comment con be wahala! I amm sooo soo angry!!!
    I am mostly concerned about the growth of your ikebe in relation to the yam that was pounded for you. Are those 2 events in any way related?
    Aman! Someone came all that way just to pound yam for you, next thing, your ikebe grew! *I sorry sorry o! I sorry for you Toin, I sorry sorry o! *

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  20. Hahahaha @HD's comment!
    Toin congratulations jare! More growth to the ikebe :-)
    And as for the yam-pounding man, plix come back and finish the story.. Is the in line with Atilola's theme - Guess the man series? Plix come and finish the work or should I guess and probably be able to win back all the recharge card you have stolen *cough cough* won from Atilola. hehehe

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  21. Lobatan, abeg can I have some ass growing recipes......I want to add some too oh.....Toin, this "yam pounder" , why is he not the intended...after all this words qualities I read....wetin disqualify the bobo.

    On a serious note, how can only you just be passing @ilola's jamb questions ala "meet the blogger" series......abeg, answer the current question and send me the recharge card sharply....you have won enough...na serious beefing oh...*tongue out*

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  22. still laughing... your posts are always very interesting to read. and that ass growing thing, ain't you lucky? lol

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  23. I like how the testimony came after the yam pounding bit. Are you sure the yam pounding wasn't a testimony? As for the growing ikebe, we (me, myself and I) rejoice with you. Please let us know the date for the thanksgiving service. Dress code too.

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  24. Haaa, only you? I wish someone would come and pound my yams too o. You must wield a lot of power, gurl.

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  25. Ah! Toin! Una don kill me with laughter for here. But I ust confess that I missed pieces such as this whe you hibernated. Welcome back. Dey chop pounded yam wella o. It is good for ikebe.

    http://ayoyebanji.blogspot.com/2013/10/on-this-other-side.html

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  26. lol!!!!
    Not an easy something to pound yams jare.
    I agree with SNM we need before and after pics to verify the testimony. rotfl

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  27. Ewo o! Like seriously? A man pounded yam for u? And cleaned up after himself? I am sure he isn't toasting u,just a platonic friend ba? Or u were sick? Or u guys r related? Oya come and answer and talk more on dis issue o.

    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

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  28. blessings....
    You bring in a hottie thats easy on the eyes, pound yams, cooks and clean after himeself and new panties, bam! gurl if you don't know, you done tell a story! haha!

    peace my sistah...
    much love
    enjoy the rest of your week.

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  29. loooooool. toin toin...... thanks for reminding abt my blogger password (hehehehehehehehehehe). but this pounded yam sha + grown ikebe...... (sneezes)... is there a relationship btw the 2 occurences?

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  30. Hahahaha Toni who pounded yam for you oh? I rolled on the floor with laughter when you said your backside has gotten bigger. Missed your blog. www.secretlilies.com

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  31. You are one naughty lovable nutcase Toinlicious. Need some Sherlock Holmes skills here to solve the mystery of the pounded yam and expanding pantsize.

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  32. Pounding your yams. You definitely know what you were doing when you chose this post title! Yea- oh yea, you got the reactions you wanted oo! Hahahaha :)

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  33. Nice.
    Now it is time for Earning some Legitimate Money for FREE.
    Just Join and Get $10.00 FREE..................!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. See me carrying last...almost 2 weeks late!

    Toin, you really had me in stitches here. I seriously need dt ikebe-growing recipe as well...adding you to my 'list' straight away so I dont get to miss any more action...

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  35. Lol, Toin, good one. How you dey? It's been a while. Haven't seen you since I migrated my blog o. *Winks*

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  36. Lmao. I couldn't stop laughing. And at first, i thought it was a guy pounding actual yam. sigh. welldone

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  37. lol @ toinlicious.. big bums are not easy to come by.. we thank God for this miracle! Rock it well!

    as for the yam pounder man.. mate, don't let him out of your sight! he is a keeper.

    and finally your stunts at @tilola's blog.. i wonder how you know all these answers! You definitely do your blog homework!

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  38. Yam pounder is a keeper o ahhhh pls don't say he's not the one. Congrats on your expanding derriere. More flesh to your derriere.

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  39. lol hope the pounded yam tasted so good

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  40. lool o....babes u are a joka..

    i need me some of that pound yam loving guy oo*winks*, u are sha having fun..xxxx

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