Last year was short for me; for things I needed and wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to achieve 60% of my list (yea, I have a list) which is pretty darned good enough. I just wish I had more time in every 24hours so I could do everything I planned to do for the year…get fluent in French, (oui, mon ami et ca va? hehehe), learn Arabic or at least be able to read, get into radio, go to India, learn to drive, watch all the movies on my laptop er, about 150 of them(I kinda sorta knew that wasn’t gona happen actually), start my book, plan a trip with friends, get a job with United Nations or Chevron (a girl can dream now, can’t she?) and the list goes on. (And yea, it’s a long list. You don’t wana know what my bucket list looks like!)
It was a year of so much laughter and love and pain (which only few knew about) and gain, of tears and joy, of scars I’m proud to wear. It was a year of giant steps…making moves I never thought I could and letting God take the wheels. I’ve lived in my head for so long, and let me tell you, it’s not as bad as it sounds…ok, maybe a little…but I swear I’m not schizophrenic (although my sister thinks different). See, I like living in my head, it’s easy and very conducive and I don’t have to pay rent or apologise to anyone for having an opinion. I don’t have to shout at myself or anyone for that matter. I have conversations, speeches, arguments and even jokes and laugh about them all. (Ok, so maybe I’m a little nuts but aren’t we all)
So last year, I dared to leave my comfort zone…my head that is, and I ventured out. I found out a lot of things. Those scary thoughts I had in my head…some were real and some were just there…in my head. The minute I ventured out, I discovered it wasn’t that hard. Oh, there is still the fear of the unknown but it’s really not as bad as I thought it would be. One of the things I found out last year was that my brain ain’t bad after all, contrary to popular opinion and by popular opinion, I mean my crazy family (this is gona be another story for another day). They can’t seem to forget about my archived past (well, you could actually do a series on my archived past. Let’s just say I was an interesting child). So I gave them reasons to doubt I was given a brain from heaven, en en, so what, we all have acted crazy at one point or the other. They remain the only ones who still can’t believe I can change. (Forget that I’ve been acting weird since I popped out of my mama’s bory)
Anyways, it was been a year of lessons learnt. This Carrie Underwood chic is eerily creepy. She’s one of my favourites (I’m actually listening to her right now). I feel the girl knows me and sings just for me I swear. I know we haven’t met (maybe someday) in the meantime, it’s as if she knows me and exactly what I want to hear and she delivers. Each time I listen to her it feels like she’s trying to let me know she gets me and wants me to know it’s not all in my head and I am not the only one going through ish.
Here are the lyrics to Carrie’s Lessons Learnt:
There are some things that I regret, some words I wish had gone unsaid, some starts that had some bitter endings, some bad times I’ve been through, damage I could not undo, some things, I wish I could do all all over again, it don’t really matter, when life gets that much harder, it makes you that much stronger, some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned.
For every tear that had to fall from my eyes, for everyday I wondered how I’d get through the night. For every change life has thrown me. I’m thankful for every break in my heart. I’m grateful, for every scar. Some pages burnt, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned
There are mistakes I have made. Some chances I just threw away. Some roads, I never should have taken. Been some signs I didn’t see, hearts I hurt needlessly. Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend. But it doesn’t make any difference. The past can’t be re-written, you get the life you’re given. Some bridge burned, but there were lessons learned
And all the things that break you are all the things that make you strong, you can’t change the past, cos it’s gone. You got to move on because it’s all lesson learned.
Alright, enough with the wise girl crap. I’ve punished you enough for today and if you actually enjoyed reading and this somehow made sense to you, we might actually be from the same planet and that is a good thing (i think) or you might be getting little nuts too.
Mwuah! “Wink” I’ll be back.