Wednesday, 30 November 2011


Photo Source: Google Images
Thank you all for your insightful tips on motherhood and discipline. My scared level has dropped and i feel like whenever the time comes, it won't be so bad with all the wealth of knowledge i will be getting from you guys. *hugs*. Now to the concluding part of my gist. If you missed part 1, please check here. So i attended a friend’s wedding and it was a mini-reunion of sorts. I got a fake proposal from a wacky friend with a wacky ring and it was so hilarious. It almost made me forget about the painful 20k Aso Ebi that I had buy for that wedding (post for another day) Now, all my friends and family listen up, when/if i get married, I MUST get a Car/House from all of you people I have invested in your wedding in the form of Aso Ebi o. I don’t know why anybody will give me Aso Ebi for 20k to be on her train. I know she didn’t force me but she wasn’t someone I could refuse. She actually begged and she’s nice so I couldn’t say no. Prim-not attended a wedding who’s Aso Ebi was also 20k and she was not offered water let alone gift. At least I got a very nicely packaged gift so I will be shutting up right about now.

Back to the main gist of today, i was chilling at the engagement ceremony with 5 of my friends and those ones were dancing like dance was going into extinction. Initially we were playing catch-up and refusing to dance because the bride already warned us not to ‘out-dance’ her but as soon as serious music started, grooving started. These girls were digging it in heels; some Beyonce-type ish. I just respected myself and was cheering them on and snapping. It was then i noticed this young looking tall and slim dude staring at moi. For the purpose of this post, we shall call him Adam.

He came to chit chat with one of my friends who discovered he was related to the groom. When Adam asked my friend for my number, the sensible thing would have been to say ‘no’ or ‘ask her yourself’ ba? My crazy friend apparently thought since I was single, it was cool to hook me up with random strangers (who could be serial killers God forbid) so she gave him my number. Or maybe she was high from all the food and dance. She later told me what she did and after having the “No!”/”Yes” “You did not”/“Yes I did” conversation, we chilled and continued enjoying the party. There couldn’t be much harm in giving out a number, could there, right? Wrong!

After the party, Adam started calling me. Initially I didn’t think anything of it until i started seeing 20 missed calls! Shuo! What for? By Sunday afternoon, the calls were beginning to irritate me and i was ready to kill my friend who did this to me. Then Adam called on Sunday evening and said he had a question he wanted to ask me.

Adam: I really like you and I would like to date you. I think it’s love at first sight for me.
Me: (shocked look and eyes bulging like saucers. No! He didn’t just use that line!) er, what did you say?
Adam: I said I want to date you.
In my head :!@#$%^&*:> %^#!^@&**^#&^&^!!!??
Me: (in a deceptively calm voice) I honestly don’t think that would work. How old are you Adam?
Adam: I’m 20.
In my head: Cougar cougar cougar cougar Cradle snatcher cradle snatcher
Me to my head: Shut up and let me think!
Me: Adam, I’m 30 (I’m not 30 by the way, just wanted to scare him off)
Adam: Age is just a number.
Me: (oh no no! He didn’t just use another line!)

So I rambled, told him I had to attend to something and got off the phone. I called Prim immediately and she laughed so hard and asked if I didn’t remember Jumping The Broom. Smh. I told her Lil Romeo is cute and totally worth going to jail for. So I ping Mo (my bestie) and give her the gist and she asked if I had forgotten How Stella Got Her Groove Back. What is wrong with these people and movies anyway?

Adam called back and I gently explained how it could not work for me (Do you guys believe in love at first sight?) He says we can be friends but he won’t stop asking and I smile. After that episode, he made it a habit to consistently call so I told him to relax on the calls. When i noticed he still called like he was obssessed, I put his number on ‘Silent’ (I miss Nokia so much. I would have blocked his line outright) After ignoring his calls for a while, he called with a strange number and I picked. The 1st thing he said was, “why are you not picking your calls?” Warrahel? Er, until you sugar buy me a sugar phone, you do not sugar have the sugar right to sugar query me about what sugar calls I sugar pick or sugar ignore. (Now taking deep breaths and slowly counting 1-10). You should probably replace ‘sugar’ with the appropriate expletive. That however wasn’t my reply but it was absolutely what I wanted to say. So I calmly answer that I get busy during the day bla bla. He made small talk but I told him I was tired so he got off the phone. At this rate, i might have to produce a low budget movie titled Deliver me from Adam.

Now, sometimes when he calls, i pick and I don’t say a word (I know that’s mean but I need to get him off my case) so he has resorted to SMS which I keep ignoring. Check some out below:

May God who made dis day continue 2 shawer his blesns upon u,may he fil ur heart wt joy&hapines of d day,abv all may he grant u more beautiful day's! Gudmorn. Hw was ur 9yt. Aww, cute right? Keep reading.

Bed time is nt only wen u sleep,bt a time dat u think of does dat u really luv nd cherish.dis is my bedtime nd u're remebered, hav a pleasant 9t rest. Still cute huh? Keep going.

May ds cool 9yt bring u as beauty as a garden ful of rose&inspire hope 4 ur dream,wishn u a fabuloures sleep.gud9yt! Typological errors could happen to anyone right? Ok.

I can see ur smile fading, i can hear ur voice crack. You may not be near but u know i got ur back. Let me be ur friend who'll wipe ur tears away. Eh! See lyrical curse?! Gbogbo ara ile yin smile won ma fade! Thunder fire you.

Y u don't went to pek my call Y jus till me den i wil  no. I haf die finish. Ogini? Not so cute anymore abi?
Evryday u alwaz on my hrt,i 1dr hw God work's in a miraculus way,ur identical wht d angel i saw in my dream last 9yt.gudmorn hop d wedar is nt 2 cold. No words anymore. Non.

Thankfully, he has stopped stressing and the Universe has gone back to normal but he still calls from time to time. And that is the end of my creepy propositions story. Now, don’t go lecturing me about how age is a number and I should give him a chance o, en en because this is just too much drama and I am not a baby sitter. All this boy needs to do is grow up. Muah, love you guys muchos and I’ll be back.


  1. ROTFLMAO....Toinlicious! u don hear am! walai! dont let me hear u say anything about being single o! From the FBkers to the policemen to Mallam have prospects....
    Can I advice you to change your number?!iKid iKid, but with those types of messages, I would have smoked him out and wrung his fingers myself! shuo!
    You and all these your lovers sha!
    Please what character will u give me in your upcoming movie "Deliver me from Adam"? Can I be the bride?...hehehheeheh

  2. Tehhehehhe.. you made him fall in love ooooooo. cheiiii... I kinda feel sorry for the boy sha sha. lol.

  3. Lwkmd..i don laugh fall comot for my chair, poor guy, you can blame him he ws just too too smitten..lOL!!!!!

  4. Shuo,dis is what we call OSe Soap,but u definately have class with dis ur guys

  5. I beg make you no fall my hand o!, theres a saying in my local language that says that "se obi d) w)aa, do no bi" meaning.........if someone loves you, love him/her back. (winks) lol

  6. LWKMD. Toin, leave me ooooooooooo. Hennnnnnnnn, I don't want to pee on myself cos I'm laughing too much. The boy should park well jor. Which kain nonsense be this. Those lyrics might work for a teenager. He should go and look for his mate to yarn all those things.

  7. lwkmd! He is only following Dbanj's footsteps na: abeg make we marry cos you don make me fall in love, fall in love, fall in love.

    But Toinlicious, give him a chance (running off b4 you pelt me)

  8. You pple r using me to laugh, it's not funny o. (d eng is rubbing off on me hehehe) God dey sha. Pls does any1 know hw to block numbers on bb?

    Lmao@Mallam Adamu, Honeydame has killed me o. I honestly contemplated changing my number bt I been using it 4abt 9years na. O sumi o#sigh
    Bydway, u can totally b d bride in d movie mehn. Adamu wuld b played by Taylor Lautner or Orlando bloom(too old bt soo yummy) or Ryan Gosling (too old too bt those abs en)

    @9ja foodie. It wasn't me o. Blame it on d universe. I'm soo past feeling sorry tho. It's soo much hard work to keep calm jere wen all I wana do is slap some sense into him.

    @Jemima, afi smitten o. If u know how many ways/styles I wana use in killing my frnd en, you will pity her. smh

    @Anon, serious Ose o.

  9. @Priscy, even u?! & I tot u liked me. Oh well. & it aint love @first sight at all, it's just stupidity. Je na pas helping any1 thru puberty abeg#shikena

    @Che, lol. sorry babes & u can blame it on Adamu. Bydway, no pee juice pls, we don't want any Kris K situation. As for Adamu parking well & looking for his mate: Gbam!

    Ginger!!! *rolling my eyes* Dbanj ko, Banky w ni. Better keep running b4 I pelt u with Adamu lol

  10. LOL! That's one resilient man there. I can't wait for the next suitor to propose. LOL! Poor boy.

  11. LMHO.... Weddings make people feel love even when it is not there.The jury is still out on love at first sight between a man and a woman, attraction, yes; chemistry, yes. But Love....?

    You sure get some very hilarious suitors.Have you heard of those small books titled" how to make a woman love you in 2 weeks" that they sell at Ojuelegba under the bridge? The boy has edition 1 to 5. Cougars are the new virgins o, so don't hate* winks*

  12. LOOOOOOOOOOL @ okeoghene..really? please dont tell me such book

    Toinliciousness..I have said it before, i shall repeeete, its that time of the year, enjoy and pick boy sha lol..your stories are funny, dem suitors no dey fear..Everyone gats to find love..Toin are u sure you dont like him a tiny

  13. lwkm..........dont blame the guy jor, he wants fine something.
    mehnnn....those texts are not from this world, when the dude ran out of copy n paste he tried to compose......haba, dats just murdering english.
    Good riddance o jare

  14. wedding bring out the fun side in people, I tell you the cost of asoebi today can be someones life saving o, this one every Nigerian wedding requires one to buy this or that

    You must have been looking so sexy that he couldn't take his eyes off you, lol

  15. Babe is hot life fire! LOL...

    So after turning his head you decided to abandon him eh? But those gbagauns are too much too much to overlook sha, LOL...

  16. hahahhahahahaha, lmao
    low budget movie "deliver me from Adam"
    Lyrical curse, lmao!!
    Toinlicous you're so funny. The text messages, damn, have mercy Lawd! Na u cause am joh, d boy fall in love sotey e no fit speak english again, chai, this is serious!!!

  17. NOOOOOOOOO! LOL. You and these your poetic admirers. I can't stand dudes that send this type of messages. They never seem sincere to me and just either make me laugh or piss me off lol.

  18. Still ROTFLMAO. Lwkmd @ gbgbo ile yin ni smile wo ma fade! You can't walk out of your house without literally tripping over a prospect! You're too hawt for your own peace of mind. Lol.

  19. I swear you're my twin! Hahahahahahaha! I chose to replace 'sugar' with er...I can't repeat it. I love how you're the next best thing after fried rice, but you sef do o. You make me laugh out loud like crazy. Love at first sight is actually possible...just like big foot

  20. LMFAOOOO this is bledddy hilarious. Girl, you are a trip. What kind of gbagaun filled texts was ol' boy killing you with? Like WTH? and they were so freakin' corny too. I am still cracking up. Dude is sprungggg.

    And girl, I'm with you. I would gladly go to Jail for Lil Romeo. Nice post, I had a good laugh at it all.

  21. @Michael, resilient doesn't even begin to cut it. As for the next suitor, abeg o, i don't think i have the stomach for more of this ish

    Okeoghene, lol@ the jury is still out on LAFS. I hope d boy does not decide to get "how to make her pay attention when she's ignoring you" cos der's just so much a girl can take o.
    So cougars are the new virgins huh, okays, no hating *wink

    @Unveilinggold, lol. I shall pass on this one. any hope of friendship was killed by those messages mehn.

    @Lue, serious good riddance o. & i'm not that hot sef. All you super-hot pple are trying to. It is just major annoying

    @DYS, Aso EBi is just a menace i tell you. I intend to get a car from my fam/frnds girl.#nostories. I wasn't looking sexy o. i wasn't even dancing or "showing myself" like my friends. I was just jejely chilling and snapping o.

  22. @Myne, lol. Those gbagauns have no part 2 mehn. I can take no more. Thank God the world is back to almost normal. #sigh

    @Coyintrovert, No be me cause am o. Deliver me from Adam is right o. Didn't you c how d boy wan use style curse me with lyrics ni? Olounmamje*snapping my fingers over my head to rebuke it

    @LadyNgo, i'm telling you. They mostly piss me off cos lyrics hardly work for me.

    @Cherrywine, i'm not even that hawt sef. Anyways, no more tripping over prospects o. The world is bright and shinny again.

    @RQ, my very own blogtwin, (in my sexiest voice) so whisper ur sugar replacement to me, i promise i wont tell lol. bydway, i'm not even close to ofada rice, let alone fried rice. Anyways, i could def hook ur 15yr old groupie (i loooove your tie) with Adam.

    @Mgbeks, hi5 on the Romeo jail trip. You're feeling me. Thanx for stopping by swts.

  23. Aw dear,i wish,for you,that the attention was from a guy within your age-appropriate range and without the obsessive calls though.

  24. ha! u had me rolling at work...i haf die finish! see english, kai!

  25. LOL you have killed me. But why is your life always so much fun like this? :P

    As for brides and asoebi, hmm may God deliver us from this new found business venture that some of them now see this as. Seriously, I don't get why they forget that people are only trying to do them a favour and the sensible thing to do would be to even subsidize and not inflate the price.

  26. Haba, give him a try, love is all that matters, the heart is not so smart. Plus, you can groom him to your taste


    Very nice way of handling the issue though, besides you must look like you are 18-20 for him to have the hots like that

    so you see in every cloud there is a silver lining

  27. No long thing! File! Dont touch it, loved the gbagauns, was really feeling the young dude! I guess he just finished watching Jumping the Broom and How Stella got her groove back and wanted to gbagaun his way into your life!

  28. stalkerish for my taste...

    I would say run for the hills or in my caribbean speak i'd say, "run woman run, put wheels on yuh heels and run!"

  29. LMAO you got that boy sprung lol.. and imagine. if you gave him the time of day then he wil collapse
    bless him lol..
    but let him down easily
    coz the boy is obsessed
    its kinda freaky lol

    btw lil romeo is so worth going to JAIL for :*

  30. LOL!!! My fear is that i'll be 30 and fall in love with a 20 year old. Tragic.

    Muse Origins
    Muse Origins FB

  31. lmao! this was hilarious! you go fear stalking now...
    p.s. your background makes it a tad difficult to read.

  32. Yepa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have "laughed". I am laffing. What the heck? Eh ya.....

  33. @9ja Great, shay. thanx sweetie. would have had plenty juicy gist for you guys#sigh

    @Aseni, sorry darling. blame it on Adamu o. Hope your colleagues weren't wondering wasap with u lol

    @MsJB, ah! you call this fun? did you miss all the sms i put up??! It's the most annoying thing jor. As for the Aso EBi, tell them o.

    @Mena, even you?! Akaboba ma ni geh yii ke. u want to kill me at my 'smallhood' After ur own escapades? did i offend u b4 ni? wats "LNGKMDFH" sef. You know, my frnd said the same about me looking young too so i guess behind every dark cloud...

    @Da Injurer aka my oda blog-twin; & i tot u liked me. anyways, i have helped the guy to gbagaun his way out. No long thing.

    @Rhapsody, been a while. Ah, thanx for advice. i am still running o.

    @MsNana, i tried my bestest to go easy on him. God forbid stalkerrazi. He was kinda sweet but too creepy/freaky

    @Muse, it's not necessarily tragic jere. think Demi, Maddona, Jlo etc lol. #kidding

    @Honey, na so i c am o. Thanx for dropping by

  34. @Chinny, i'm telling you. Thanx for pointing the background thing out

  35. Hi Toinlicious,

    Happy New Year to you and yours. I'm sorry I haven't been here recently. Have had a lot on my plate. BTW, the malware warning on my blog is false. Nothing will happen to your computer or phone. I tested the malware warning, so I know. The false warning is an attempt to stop our blogging campaign.

    I saw your comment on 9jaFooDie's post. THANK YOU for wanting to take part in the blogging campaign against the removal of the fuel subsidy. Please also circulate to other bloggers to get involved. This is how to take part:

    What You can do (Everyone has a part to play)
    I am asking all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties to join me in a Nigerian Bloggers Protest for a week. To join the protest:

    1. Do a post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"

    2. Add 9jaFooDie's pic/tabled diagram (on her current post) in your post

    3. Publish your post

    4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place the post in a prime position on your blog for seven days.

    5. Bloggers and Non-bloggers: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media.

    I will come back to comment when you post. Once again, thank you. May we reap the benefits in the success of our country Nigeria in the very near future.

  36. Nice post lol...

    U are hot now, what else abi... on a serious note, I hate pest clearly the dude was a pest.. awww young blood hehe.

    1. Babe, you have no idea. "pest" doesn't even begin to cut it...and he still calls! he just needs to grow up abeg

  37. looooooool....killed should have given a brother a chance.common with all his dictionary moves in the texts.You are mean!!! lol definitely following you and adding you to my blog read list...yay!!!

  38. I know i'm mean luv and since you're very magnanimous, i shall hook you guys up. You're welcome lol

  39. Toin: Men, see gist! I totally enjoyed reading this. See all the cheesy lines Adam was using. LOL @ Cougar (No one, not even Romeo is worth going to jail for). Me sha, I don't believe in LOVE at first sight. There can be attraction and maybe lust at first time, but love? No.

    I am awaiting that movie o. Please include subtitles if it's in another language.

    I am still LOL-ing at "Gbogbo ara ile yin smile won ma fade" ... LOL, LOL, LOL ...

  40. @Relentless, can you believe he still calls? and i absolutely ignore all the nice-ness my mama taught me when i'm speaking with him (d few times i've fallen 4d strange number ish)

  41. Awww sweet. I agree with Adam, age is just a number. So stop holding on to the cougar thing and just give yourself and Adam a chance :).

  42. LMAO! you got yourself a relentless sugar stalker! LOL! gosh..pele... but i love those movies your friends were referring to.

  43. hehhehehehehehehehehehehehe lmao! hahahahahahahahaha And someboRRy will nah Tell me that Toin Eez not fun to be with! Chisos! i haf die.. hehehehehe Bubba I see that this love thing e haf tey since they haf been pursuing you with it oh ba?! Iisoarait! The llllooorrdd is your deliverer.. lmao Mehn! Egbon we might haf to do some binding and casting Lori e! I mean it is either you are a very Fffiiinneee sexy someboRRy.. (Which you are by the way) or your Village people are just catapulting the wrong brovers ya way.. hehehehe Nice one Egbon.. This was a Totally fun read.. Inshort.. I wihh not bother you about coming back again.. Stay as long as you want... As long as that gives me Ample time to read your Archives.. Hope you are good though Toin?! Miss you... hhehehehe Kai! Remind me not to write you.. lmao... Before you wihh nah come and table my maRRa before your readers.. heheh :) Cheers...


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