PROPOSALS (PART 2): IT’S COUGAR TOWN

Photo Source: Google Images

Thank you all for your insightful tips on motherhood and discipline. My scared level has dropped and i feel like whenever the time comes, it won't be so bad with all the wealth of knowledge i will be getting from you guys. *hugs*. Now to the concluding part of my gist. If you missed part 1, please check here. So i attended a friend’s wedding and it was a mini-reunion of sorts. I got a fake proposal from a wacky friend with a wacky ring and it was so hilarious. It almost made me forget about the painful 20k Aso Ebi that I had buy for that wedding (post for another day) Now, all my friends and family listen up, when/if i get married, I MUST get a Car/House from all of you people I have invested in your wedding in the form of Aso Ebi o. I don’t know why anybody will give me Aso Ebi for 20k to be on her train. I know she didn’t force me but she wasn’t someone I could refuse. She actually begged and she’s nice so I couldn’t say no. Prim-not attended a wedding who’s Aso Ebi was also 20k and she was not offered water let alone gift. At least I got a very nicely packaged gift so I will be shutting up right about now.

Back to the main gist of today, i was chilling at the engagement ceremony with 5 of my friends and those ones were dancing like dance was going into extinction. Initially we were playing catch-up and refusing to dance because the bride already warned us not to ‘out-dance’ her but as soon as serious music started, grooving started. These girls were digging it in heels; some Beyonce-type ish. I just respected myself and was cheering them on and snapping. It was then i noticed this young looking tall and slim dude staring at moi. For the purpose of this post, we shall call him Adam.

He came to chit chat with one of my friends who discovered he was related to the groom. When Adam asked my friend for my number, the sensible thing would have been to say ‘no’ or ‘ask her yourself’ ba? My crazy friend apparently thought since I was single, it was cool to hook me up with random strangers (who could be serial killers God forbid) so she gave him my number. Or maybe she was high from all the food and dance. She later told me what she did and after having the “No!”/”Yes” “You did not”/“Yes I did” conversation, we chilled and continued enjoying the party. There couldn’t be much harm in giving out a number, could there, right? Wrong!

After the party, Adam started calling me. Initially I didn’t think anything of it until i started seeing 20 missed calls! Shuo! What for? By Sunday afternoon, the calls were beginning to irritate me and i was ready to kill my friend who did this to me. Then Adam called on Sunday evening and said he had a question he wanted to ask me.

Adam: I really like you and I would like to date you. I think it’s love at first sight for me.

Me: (shocked look and eyes bulging like saucers. No! He didn’t just use that line!) er, what did you say?

Adam: I said I want to date you.

In my head :!@#$%^&*:> %^#!^@&**^#&^&^!!!??

Me: (in a deceptively calm voice) I honestly don’t think that would work. How old are you Adam?

Adam: I’m 20.

In my head: Cougar cougar cougar cougar Cradle snatcher cradle snatcher

Me to my head: Shut up and let me think!

Me: Adam, I’m 30 (I’m not 30 by the way, just wanted to scare him off)

Adam: Age is just a number.

Me: (oh no no! He didn’t just use another line!)

So I rambled, told him I had to attend to something and got off the phone. I called Prim immediately and she laughed so hard and asked if I didn’t remember Jumping The Broom. Smh. I told her Lil Romeo is cute and totally worth going to jail for. So I ping Mo (my bestie) and give her the gist and she asked if I had forgotten How Stella Got Her Groove Back. What is wrong with these people and movies anyway?

Adam called back and I gently explained how it could not work for me (Do you guys believe in love at first sight?) He says we can be friends but he won’t stop asking and I smile. After that episode, he made it a habit to consistently call so I told him to relax on the calls. When i noticed he still called like he was obssessed, I put his number on ‘Silent’ (I miss Nokia so much. I would have blocked his line outright) After ignoring his calls for a while, he called with a strange number and I picked. The 1^st thing he said was, “why are you not picking your calls?” Warrahel? Er, until you sugar buy me a sugar phone, you do not sugar have the sugar right to sugar query me about what sugar calls I sugar pick or sugar ignore. (Now taking deep breaths and slowly counting 1-10). You should probably replace ‘sugar’ with the appropriate expletive. That however wasn’t my reply but it was absolutely what I wanted to say. So I calmly answer that I get busy during the day bla bla. He made small talk but I told him I was tired so he got off the phone. At this rate, i might have to produce a low budget movie titled Deliver me from Adam.

Now, sometimes when he calls, i pick and I don’t say a word (I know that’s mean but I need to get him off my case) so he has resorted to SMS which I keep ignoring. Check some out below:

May God who made dis day continue 2 shawer his blesns upon u,may he fil ur heart wt joy&hapines of d day,abv all may he grant u more beautiful day's! Gudmorn. Hw was ur 9yt. Aww, cute right? Keep reading.

Bed time is nt only wen u sleep,bt a time dat u think of does dat u really luv nd cherish.dis is my bedtime nd u're remebered, hav a pleasant 9t rest. Still cute huh? Keep going.

May ds cool 9yt bring u as beauty as a garden ful of rose&inspire hope 4 ur dream,wishn u a fabuloures sleep.gud9yt! Typological errors could happen to anyone right? Ok.

I can see ur smile fading, i can hear ur voice crack. You may not be near but u know i got ur back. Let me be ur friend who'll wipe ur tears away. Eh! See lyrical curse?! Gbogbo ara ile yin smile won ma fade! Thunder fire you.

Y u don't went to pek my call Y jus till me den i wil  no. I haf die finish. Ogini? Not so cute anymore abi?

Evryday u alwaz on my hrt,i 1dr hw God work's in a miraculus way,ur identical wht d angel i saw in my dream last 9yt.gudmorn hop d wedar is nt 2 cold. No words anymore. Non.

Thankfully, he has stopped stressing and the Universe has gone back to normal but he still calls from time to time. And that is the end of my creepy propositions story. Now, don’t go lecturing me about how age is a number and I should give him a chance o, en en because this is just too much drama and I am not a baby sitter. All this boy needs to do is grow up. Muah, love you guys muchos and I’ll be back.