Thursday, 11 October 2012


Mstizzle, i am on my knees. I hope you're feeling much better *hugs* Even i cannot believe how busy i've been lately but i'm back with a bang. This post might be a little all over the place. That's how i feel at the moment so please forgive me. Ahem, so another creepy proposal don come. Ok, not really creepy. Just funny. For the purpose of this post, we'll call the 1st one Mr. Long. He is 44years old and very tall. I'm talking  6"7. Yes, i asked. I had to. Mr. Tall would have been more appropriate but i prefer Mr. Long. You see, i'm no stranger to proposals. I have shared a few with you on this blog. From my very own Police man to the famous Adam, to my Lusty obsession, to my much more recent ones *cough* (properly balances halo, adjusts holy cape, sips holy water and clears throat) i'm quite familiar with these kinds of toasting.

Mr. Long was very 'uncle-like' at first until he started with "i really like you" then graduated to "I am thankful I met you" to "let's go on a date" to "I want to date you", and i knew Onibara tin'ba ole bo *grin* meaning his beggar was beginning to think like a thief, i.e, he was getting too familiar.

Mr. Long: Toin tomatoes

Toin: My friendship (Sorry UVG, you're my one & only friendship o)
Mr. Long: U have rejected me!
Toin: Ai tete m'ole (meaning: You're giving me the first attack)
Mr. Long: Not really, honestly I wanted you. I just  cautioned myself not to misconstrued (sic). Moreover if you reject me love overtures, it might leave a permanent scar on my psyche
Toin: Oyinbo yi koyemi (i don't understand your English)
Mr. Long: What do u understand? 419 ni e
Toin: How now? Seriously, i'm lost.
Mr. Long: Ok I want to seriously date you
Toin: Oh ok. I want to be the Queen of England
Mr. Long: So?
Toin: So we don't always get what we want
Mr. Long: Madam please na
Toin: So you're not currently married?
Mr. Long: Asking or stating a fact?
Toin: Did u miss the '?'
Mr. Long: I am married
Toin: Interesting
Mr. Long: Prayer by Bishop T.D. Jakes "When you are DOWN to nothing ..God is UP to something" Father, in the Name of Jesus, bless me even while I'm reading this prayer and bless the one that sent this to me in a special way. Open supernatural doors in our lives today. Save and set free! Give us a double portion of your Spirit as we take back everything that the Devil has stolen: Emotional Health, Physical Health, Finances, Relationships, Children, Jobs, Homes, Marriages. I cancel every plot, plan and scheme the enemy has devised against us in the MATCHLESS NAME OF JESUS. And I declare: NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US WILL PROSPER. I speak LIFE into every dead situation. And, I thank you that nothing is over until YOU say it's over! I speak prophetically into our lives and to our situations:
Our households are blessed; Our health is blessed; Our marriages are blessed; Our finances are blessed; Our business are blessed; Our jobs are blessed; Our children are blessed; Our grandchildren are blessed; Our parents are blessed; Our siblings are blessed; Our ministries are blessed; and, Our decisions are blessed. Husbands are on the way; Wives are on the way; Mortgages are paid and debts cancelled; Our hearts' desires are on the way; according to YOUR perfect will and plan for our lives. IN JESUS NAME! AMEN! Pray this prayer, then send it to EVERYBODY YOU KNOW. Within hours countless people will have prayed for you, and you will have caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Please pass this prayer on else...

Mr. Long: Just say you are not interested/not available and I will drop the issue
Toin: I'll consider the issue dropped
Mr. Long: Ok
 I wasn't shocked by the indecent proposal. What shocked me was that between negotiating  adultery, this guy sends one of them broadcast-this-message-or-you're-going-to-hell messages that mentioned something about 'blessing marriages'. This our God is very merciful. SMH slowly. I just jejely used my delete button asap. Good riddance.

Another 'uncle' who is married to a very close family friend has been getting all kinds of inappropriate. He calls late at night until i stopped picking his calls and tells me about his wife's faults. He says all sorts and i just want to slap him unfortunately, i can' least not yet. Biko, carry your cross or lay your complaints at the feet of Jesus or get a marriage counselor. Gbemisoke, customers people are waiting for your service so please do quick with school.

In an unrelated matter, the rate at which people ask me for money is not even funny anymore. In about 2 weeks, 4 people have asked for about 250k each. Another asked for 5million but i knew she was kidding but those 4 weren't! I don't know what it is about me that give people the impression that i'm some kinda Adenuga. Maybe they are seeing something i'm yet to see. I claim it though.

Dear God (goes on knees)
From the future billions i will have, just borrow me 500 million from it. Thank you for answered prayers.
Your daughter,

Quick question. I know trust is tres important in every relationship. So if you meet someone new of same or opposite sex, zoned into potential boyfriend, buddy or just friends, do you trust them immediately, like innocent till proven guilty, do you test them or do you let them earn it over time. I used to have trust issues and it seemed I was always looking for that moment where I can say, “ah ah, well I was right not to trust you". So do you think you should trust people until they give you a reason to stop or are they supposed to earn it? Please let me know what you think.

Thanks y’all.


P.S: I am still too traumatised by the killing of those Uniport guys. I didn't watch the video and i'll do everything i can to avoid the pictures as well. All i know is we have monsters masquerading as humans.


  1. Ahhhh! Wahala dey... it seems men these days are openly daring God no ni

  2. lol
    These men sha.........*shaking my head*
    I loved your appeal to God..:)

    Re: Uniport...No words

    Hope all is well with you?

    1. Please let me join you and shake my head. Kilode? No respect for marriage anymore. Its sad and painful.

      Lemme hurry up and finish school like Toin said, so I can move from just being sad to offering help.

      These your responses ehn, Toin? I couldn't stop laughing. Hi5! "Queen of England" lol

  3. Toin , you will not kill us o with this your proposals ..lmao, that guy is just a jerk honestly, i pity his wife...
    On trust,every human being deserves the basic trust until proven guilty, but the deeper trust has to be earned, i don't really believe in tests, mum says character is like smoke it will eventually show itself with time.. i subscribe to that point of view o...that's my opinion

  4. As always, you find a way to humorize( sue me) what is a serious issue.

    Your prayer to God will be answered, Amen(just remember to lend me 500million out of it)...

    Come to think of it, what happened to Adam? Na only you be cougar and Aristotle at the same time.....
    Laffing my head off in Mandarin..

  5. "Mr. Long: Ok I want to seriously date you
    Toin: Oh ok. I want to be the Queen of England"
    Toin, you are too funny and those broadcast messages ennn, people shold stop them already.
    trust should be earned, it saves you some heartbreaks and even helps you know the person.
    Uniport: i hate thinking or seeing anything about it, i dont think i can even understand it

  6. Well well Ms. Toin, maybe if you stop being so awesome these indecent proposals would stop popping up lol.

    As for the trust thing, i don't trust anybody...ever.

  7. First, yes you were right about the post being all over the place *sigh*
    Choi, baffles me how people try to play around with God these days; in the midst of "toasting" you, he still sends you prayer bc.

    That your prayer ehn...I should go on my knees too o :)

    I think everyone deserves to be trusted before proven guilty; open up your mind to trust.

  8. Men and their palaver sha... Oh... I am a man. No! I am not. I am still a boy. *smiling*

    I think people should earn one's trust. I am not of the thinking that you should immediately trust people. Well this trusting issue could really be complex. One could also say by trusting people, we also allow them the benefit to earn our trust. Or how do you make someone earn your trust if you don't entrust them with little-little trust?

    As an aside, you might want to publish the "Diary of Toasting-Men" someday. lol.

  9. That your prayer to God ehen, I have copied, pasted and prayed it now now......though funny but "ibi ere ni ati n mo otoo"..... God will answer us.

    Trust is earned....this is my opinion ooo.. Though I tend to trust people until I find out the person is not trust worthy....I have gotten my fingers burnt cos of this

  10. Forgiven but no dey share my name with that weird man please *rolls eyes*..

    *let me speak English* What efontry did he have to toast u and use God there? If you wan sin leave prayer out of it..LOL @ i want to be queen of England..LOL I should start using that line o...

    As for trust, I go with what Jemima said..chikena! :)

    That ALU thing did not let me watch o, I just cant even the pics talkess of video and story..All I have to say let God cause justice to reign

  11. this your piece crack my ribs! Also feel very sad 4 uniport and univesity of mudi student,that their soul was slaughter by bees. Also am your secret admiarer. I love u and your pen. Meet @fcbk

  12. this your piece crack my ribs! Also feel very sad 4 uniport and univesity of mudi student,that their soul was slaughter by bees. Also am your secret admiarer. I love u and your pen. Meet @fcbk

  13. hehehehehehehehehe
    LMAO!!!..@i want to be the queen of england!! i LOOVEE your response ojere!
    LMAO x2 @yoruba quotes!!!..
    oh goodness TOINNNNN!!! hug me!!..just hug me and tell me to stop laughing.
    afi mr. longy..smh***mscheww..yeye man.. some ppl dont fear God. in the middle of adultery talk, he's sending TD jakes.
    some emoticons are most definitely missing on bb e.g slaps, 'punch' and "are you normal?''

    i tried to avoid that ALUU thing as much as i can and i didnt watch the vid. ppl that did sef have heart. i watched Tyler perry's 'coloured girls' and it left me depressed, imagine now watching real life vid of monsters killing human beings all in the name of whatever!!!

    trust..hmm..ive been there, been knocked down several times and so i don't easily trust ppl like that but i try giving them benefit of doubt sometimes, and God is merciful enough to tell me when a relationship/friendship is not worth it or dangerous
    thank God you posted. was abt to query you abt not posting something else.

  14. haha... and i thought my love life was interesting.. apperently you got Uncle type men who are married trying to make you wife number 2 over there. lol. i cant shout, he even sent you a christain broadcast about marriage while propositioning you to cheat on his wife with him. haha, wonders shall never end sha.

  15. Lol. Your post is funny.. Some men don't have the fear of God sha.

    Amen to your prayer o.

  16. Hawt madam gerrin proposal left, right and center. Hahaha

    Trust is a fragile place. Sometimes I trust halfway and leave the person involved to earn the other half

  17. lol..... yay nicee to see a pose...

    oga ju my prayer God will make you invisible to evil men with evil desires. AMEN. That is the prayer I pray lol. I am giving it to u. xxx thank me later ohh..

    About trust, it is hard esp if you have been betrayed times without number. I will advice you to put the issue in God hands but dont put anyone on a pedal stool or so that way we are all humans.... if that makes any sense.

  18. Hilarious post indeed.
    I can never understand why people get married AND then start laying complaints at people's feet -about their partners.
    As for trust, I feel it should be earned. But hey, what do I know :)

  19. na wa for you and all this your proposals o. lmho! abeg, if God borrow you that money...borrow me too some from that amount you hear? lol.
    Well... the issue of trust is gravely misunderstood. People misinterpret trust as meaning that they dont expect to be offended or disappointed... but the concept of trust presupposes that you believe in a person, not because they will never fail you, but because u r willing to be a source of value in someone else's life. U cannot decide to stop trusting ppl merely because they made a mistake which u found very disappointing... If we faced the same wrath, how many friends would we have? hope I helped. best wishes girl!

    that AlUU story is very hrtbreaking...God dey and day of reckoning will surly come.

  20. well, my dear, thats the world of naija men today. they want to eat everywhere, at home and outside. i think it is due to them always getting it either way so they automatically think everyone is on the same page. sorry dear. About trusting, there is no rule to it, with time people earn your trust. slow and steady....nice and sweet and that applies vice-versa.

  21. I say Amen to your prayers sha. That Mr. Long and your unculu, only God will judge.

    I am more of the innocent till proven guilty.

  22. Trust should be earned that way its easy to forgive when the person errs.

    The eagle has landed!

  23. SMH at Mr. long and all those married men who be cheating up and down.

  24. I don't know what is the problem with these married guys these days. I've had my own fair share. I don't even know why they always think that the best thing is for them to just say "My wife is giving me issues so I want to marry you" Bunch of jokers!

  25. lmaooo sister toin...The way you wrote this making me roll here. men like this ehn...

  26. *SMH* at all these married men..ive had my share too.. Its just sad. Love your responses jare

  27. Toin!! I have mished you lol! I reject second wife, mistress for you in Jesus name!! May they not find you. What arrant nonsense!
    And I am the Queen of England. Hi five for that answer jare. Lmao.

    About trust, my love comes walks hand in hand with trust. I trust till you prove undeserving of it.
    Amen to your billionaire prayer o.

  28. How did I miss this post till now?? Choi, I need to hone my stalker skills. Adjusts halo, sips holy water? Seriously?! LOL!!

    Let me start with the trust issue, in my newly revised books, it is guilty until proven innocent abeg because people come and people go and you don't want all sortsa people dispersing into the 4 corners of the world with all your honest, vulnerable, full-of-trust expressions/confessions/gist. Please be cautious.

    As for Mr Long, you tried in your responses but kai, you did not give it to him well. All these indecent proposals. It's fear that used to make me stay respectful and smile and say, ah you are my uncle o, ah, uncle please don't say that, I see you as an uncle. NOW, there's no more fear. DON'T CALL ME AGAIN! DON'T SPOIL MY DESTINY!! PLS DELETE MY NUMBER. And to another, DONT TELL ME THAT KIND OF NONSENSE AGAIN! PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR FAMILY.

    Nonsense destiny killers! :) *rant over*

    I can't wait for my billions to come too. If you see the way I was singing Bruno Mars' billionaire song when it came on last week, you'd have thought I was in church. Remaining for me to raise my hands, worship style.

    Ok bye darling.
    Have a fantastic week.

  29. Trust should be earned (particularly speaking from a woman's point of view) or one could end up kissing a lot of frogs with no prince in view. My two kobo.

    Some married naija men have one big misguided liver! They think every single lady out there is fair game.

  30. Na wa for Mr Long ooo. God and Jesus don suffer from the hand of human beings oo.

  31. Stories like this make you pray for the sacrament of marriage! Second wife? I think not!

  32. I tire for all this married men who are always complaining about their wives to single ladies, it completely puts me off, so what are you meant to do, call her and tell her to treat her husband right? Awon okunrin alailojuti!

    U are a billionaire in the making my sister, receive it in Jesus name.

  33. Toin, you are one funny person. I apologise for reading this late. Been a little busy myself in the past few weeks. That uncle na wa! His approach is totally off the hook! lol.

    For people asking you for money, it happens to me too. A friend of mine recently asked me to help pay his school fees and I had to remind him, even though I live overseas, I am still a FULL TIME student. lol. According to him, my kind of student dey different. haha. As you have prayed, God will answer but that quick 500million, na joke. God will not give you what will kill you or take you away from Him (at least not now). LOL

    - LDP

  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

  35. the ALUU video?
    all kinds of harrowing

    inappropraite married peeps?
    more than we need in this space called life


    TRUST NOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    you only know yourself.....

    everytime you appoint someone?
    they let you down in all kinds of wayz

    i stopped appointing peeps aeons ago

    easy to let go when they let themselves down......(not you)....wink

  36. Great story!

  37. Hahahahaha you're so funny and that "I want to be the queen of England talk,it's jes mad funny.. As ‎​foя Mr Long,I jes SMH but I'm not surprised cuz,some men can disrespect God and their marriages like that. Well as for the trust issue,I think everyone deserves a chance to be trusted until proven guilty.

  38. Ah Toinlicious! "Dear God, from the future billions I will have, just borrow me #500 from it" I am rolling on the floor. When you go to make withdrawals, pls give me a call.

  39. LMAOOOOOOOOOOO @ "Onibara tin'ba ole bo".Awon uncle agbaya, like seriously though the MAN did not try.

  40. Sisto toin o! She haff cum with her proposal stories o. Lol. This men ehn, I tire.

    Trust iS not an easy soMething jare

  41. Toin Tomato.. How you dey?! It's been a while.. Forgive me...
    Your 'pepper' is really hot oh.. Figures why 'em guys be hovering around u like flies..
    Jare mind them not.. Enjoy life as it comes..
    Love you much!
    Formerly '2cute4u'
    Chacha -

  42. Nollywood REinvented: As in, serious wahala o. My jaw just hit the floor when he sent that message. Like, really? Seriously?

    NIL: All is going to be eventually well ma'am. Thanks so much for asking. That appeal berra work by force by fire. Ayamm tired

    Jemima: *covers face* No be me o. Na these men wan put 'werepe' for my bra o. Awon alakoba. As if my life is not drama-filled enough. He probably put the JE in jerk and i pity his wife too. On trust: Sounds fair enough.

    DA: lmao@humorize. Sue ke, i do it too jor. Wole Soyinka berra watch out for you too. Amen to my prayers but, bros wait, if God gime 500mill, u sef wan borrow the whole thing comot for my hand? Haba! I go try borrow you a few million ni jor and that's my final answer.
    Adam still calls o. He called about a week ago (with random numbers lol) It's been over a year and we're still waiting on that crush to clear. Afi Mandarin naa

    Lue: The guy was just on a roll. Thanks sister. Maybe i should have said 'i wana be the prince of brunei' sef cos you never know the angel passing and i hear that family bathe in oil money (pronounced like a true igbo) :D
    On trust: Earned right? I guess we've all been burnt at one point and it just makes sense to be cautious.

    LadyNgo: Well i have tried to stop being so amazingly awesome but, er well, i just kent *flips braids*
    On trust: No one ever? Hmn, Okay

    Feyi: I'm sorry for being all over the place sweetie. Adulthood is just such hard work. I was so puzzled by that broadcast o, in the midst of toasting.
    Babe, please go on ya knees for that prayer o. I need prayer partners sef.
    So opening my mind to trust? Alright

    Strong Self: Lmaoo look at you absolving yourself. You're a man jor. On trust: So a lil bit of trust and allowing em work their way up right? I hear you.
    Lmaoo@ Diary of toasting men. I'll think abourit lol

    Skykik: lmaooo Beeni o. Ibi ere ni ati n mo otoo. Amen raised to power infinity.
    So trust should be earned. I know i've gotten burnt too.

    UVG: Sorry my darling. It'll never happen again :D The nerve abi? Using God while negotiating sin. God is just too merciful.
    So basic trust is automatic but deeper has to be earned. I'm hearing you.

    Sadiq: Thanks for loving me and my pen. I really appreciate that. So facebook meet-up huh? Okays. Wait, what??! are you married too??

    Sugarspring: *rushes to hug her* Please don't stop laughing jere. You're feeling me abi. Oremi, ma da awon alakoba lohun. Won fe be fine girl mi je. Plenty emoticons are seriously missing o e.g try "drop dead", "waka", "move it along sharply" etc
    That Aluu en, i still can't deal. Innocent boys dying worse than animals. It's heartbreaking.
    This trust thing en, may God help us all.

    LLFS: Your love life is def more interesting. Your middle name should be DRAMA! Don't mind yeye Long o. WOnders truly shall never end. He wasn't talking 2nd wife o, just side chic runs. Laye mi *shales head*

    Stelz: Thanks sweetie. No fear of God at all.

  43. DOHK: Yay!!! Don't mind me. Been a long time coming. Thank you tres much my darling and i shall thank you for that prayer right now. THANK YOU! God will make me invisible to evil men with evil desires. AMEN AMEN AMEN!!! Your trust thing sure makes sense. I guess you mean trust but never put anyone on a pedestal.

    Blogoratti: Glad it cracked you up. Man, i wonder why people do that. That was what you signed up for so deal with it or get a marriage counselor. As for trust being earned, i hear you.

    Priscy: Madam, e tire me too o. I wonder what i would be dealing with if i was super uber extra hawt. *shudders at the thought* As for the money, you be my future inlaw na so naturally, you get a huge chunk lol.
    On trust, i loved how you analysed it. I guess everyone should be given a chance and even when they fail, we should forgive and move on. The crime would then determine the penalty. I hear you loud and clear.

    Real8: They want to piss anywhere there is space. It's the thinking everyone is on the same page that irks me. Please keep it moving...far away from me. I still had a conversation with a married colleague who said he needed just one month with me to figure me out so he can date me. I just smiled. The, not-even-my-dead-body-would-go-that-route-with-you smile. dum dum
    So slow and steady, nice and sweet on trust right? Okay.

    Myne: I say another Amen too! I'm leaving em all for God to judge and in the meantime, i running far away from them. Awon alakoba.
    So innocent until proven guilty too. Thanks ma'am and you still awe me every single time.

    PET: Welcome home the eagle *rolls out red carpet* lol. Earning trust is making more sense by the minute. Thanks babes and YAY again *grins*

    Prism: Don't mind all of them. Very insulting people. It took every ounce of my control not to hurl filth at him.

    MSJB: Serious bunch of jokers. Very annoying set of people. At least get someone who you're sure is on the same page with you.

    Nikkisho: Girl, i'm just happy it's cracking you up. I was soo pissed.

    Lukina: Thanks sweetie. I had to let him get it sharply. Oniranu man.

    Ginger: Thanks for rejecting all those things for me my sister. God bless you very plenty. It is truly a crazy world out there. Hi 10 right back sef lol. So innocent till proven guilty too. Okay then. Amen again and again to the millionaire prayer

    Tizzle!!! I don't know how you missed it but thank God you finally found it *wink* I had to sip holy water na lol *covers face* Oh oh, here a new one, Guilty until proven innocent. So caution should be my watch word
    lmaooo@DON'T SPOIL MY DESTINY!! but you're right though. And i fear no human *wink* I'll be humming that song for the rest of the year sweetie. Hope you're stronger now and able to laugh without pain. Have a beautiful weekend luv *muah*

    Adura: I like your two kobo as i don't intend to continue kissing frogs. As for the men, it's utterly appalling. It;s not their fault. Apparently, our dear sisters have been giving it up and they think it's their birth right. *long hiss* Thanks for stopping by and sharing words of wisdom.

  44. Toin, are these men sane? Just asking o, you know I know some good mental health practitioners and stuff.

    Girl you are hilarious! Your Yoruba is on point...I feel like turning to YouTube to save my life now. Yes, I do speak Yoruba everyday but I'm losing all the "aitete mole" owe. Lol. It's a pleasure to read what you've been up to lately :D

  45. Atilola: Abi o

    Ag: I think not too! The nerve even.

    Atoskin: Alailojuti ni won o. Awon oniranu gbo gbo. I receive the prayer jere my love.

    LDP: Glad i cracked you up o. I noticed you've been MIA around here. As for the money ish, Amen o! And congratulations *wink*

    Ibiluv: Sweetness! Thanks for stopping by. As for trusting no one, i hear you loud and clear *wink*

    Lazioman: Thanks for dropping by

    Becqui: girl, i didn't think it was funny at all o. Very insulting but God dey. So everyone deserves a chance. Okay.

    Eya: I'll just transfer some to you *wink*

    9ja Foodie: Beeni ke. Awon agbaya gbogbo. Alakoba poeple.

    Dayor: I have so many more insane ones ehn but i don't want to make this blog about men o jere. Awon alakoba gbogbo.

    Chacha: My darling, i shall mind them not. Been a while i saw you here truly. I always go to yours but hardly comment. Forgive me too. Love you much!

    Worship & swag: Lmao @mental health institutions but girl, you're so right. I wonder if they're sane too. It just beats me. You know i almost got that bad with Yoruba too but now i make a conscious effort to use it every chance i get. I just started infusing my 'owes' *grin*
    *in Kelis' voice* I could teach you, but i have to charge...*wink*

  46. Toin sweetie, its been long, missed your blog. You dey pepper oh with all these toasters. Jo ma binu i am back was really busy. Please hottie no snatch person husband oh...

  47. You're not serious Toinlicious....may God dash you that 500 million in Jesus name jare. That Mr long has no shame at all!

  48. Wonders shall never cease! All these married men cehating on their wives or attempting to. pele, i can't imagine how annoying they can be.

    lol @ from your future 500million, thats faith there.. lol the future could be tomorrow.

    as for trust.. it helps when you meet the guy via family or a mutual friend, it is easier to trust but if he is from no where and no connetions, harder to trust, he earns it.

  49. LOL. That Mr Long is just a very annoying & conscienceless person. How can he have the guts to inject that kindda BC in between his advances towards you. Shiooooorrrrr, no fear in him walahi. I totally loved your response to him: I want to be the Queen of England. This geh ehnnnn. LMAO. Biko, i also need some money. But na dash I wan make you dash me, no be lend. :-D


Hit me nicely