Saturday, 6 September 2014

I'M COMING OUT!



Nothing but clothes in my closet people lol. I'm coming out of my hiatus. This coming out is courtesy Ugo and the cute guy called Duru. He practically dragged me out of this hiatus. He coaxed, pleaded, begged and damn near threatened hell and brimstone for me to blog. You really don't want to get on his bad side. How have y'all been? I truly have missed this place and everyone. Thanks so much for looking out for me guys. You mean the world. So my birthday came around. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and gifts. I got the BESTEST gifts #NoKidding. This girl is aging like fine wine (if I may say so myself). Y'all didn't think I was a spring chicken did you? This child is about ready to start life. They say life begins at 40. Apparently I'm currently an egg, not even larvae yet, not to mention pupa. Anyways, I know I owe you plenty gist. Let's get it started.
 
Source: Google Images
First things first, please peep at August Alsina. He is cute, no? I mean, he's 22 (yea, I've upgraded from Adam & finally embracing cougarism) and I don't even like tattoos but him, I'll most definitely do. I even named some precious *cough* erm possession after him (Stay away from this Coy and HD). August is my new favourite name #Don'tAsk

SideNote: Honeydame can danceeeeee!

Do you know how amazing it feels to be totally down and have a friend call you up and ask how're you're doing. You say fine and they say, I know you're not. That's why I'm asking pointedly so out with it. To have someone that sees, knows, gets and listens to you. No lies, no pretense, no facade or charade. Just honesty and genuine care. #Amazeballs #LoveLikeALoveSong #BeautifulLifeLovelyFriends #AlwaysAndForever #YouKnowYourselves

Life has been happening as usual; kicking my ass in places and rocking me in others. The good, the bad and the absolutely awesome *grin* Life is sweet people. You just need to stick out your tongue and taste it like sugar.

So I had a car-race romance lol. You'll say I've come again. I swear, I don't know why these things happen to me. So there's this guy who interns at my office whom I drop home because he stays very close to mine. We were on our way home and I was yakking off as usual when I sped past a T junction and the intern called my attention to an SUV driver that was staring in our direction. I peeped, the car didn't look familiar so I turned away and resumed yakking. I sped up and Guy did same. I slowed & he did same. I sped up again and he did same, parked his ride and flagged me down. Me kwa, I didn't wait o. I sped up and guy man followed suit. He stopped a couple more times and shinned teeth. Mo daran! I was initially worried I mean, I thought my car was smoking or something. I would have panicked if I was alone. He was however alone in his ride plus the road was a sorta busy one. I eventually parked behind his car and guy came down; face was not familiar and he asked for my number. He even had the audacity to ask if intern was my boyfriend. I should have said "Yea, I like 'em younger. Better luck next time" but I didn't. Anyways, that's the end of this gist. Don't ask for follow up, you hear? You hear? Good.

Earlier in the year, I had issues making up my mind about what phone I was going to buy. I desperately needed one & of course used to mention it a lot so my mama decided to surprise me with a phone. Good, right? You see, she owns a store. She came home one day and told me some actors came around and used her store for a movie. As I was rummaging in her bag, found a Galaxy S4 and screamed. I thought it was a gift for using her store (in my dreams ba) then I did a double take. It was Samsung Galexy not a Galaxy and my jaw and excitement dropped to my feet. My mom, who was obviously still excited asked if I had seen the gift. I wanted to cry. She came and effusively started talking about how amazing the phone was. She even said it had "everything". The phone legit didn't have nada. Rien. Zilch. Just bluetooth. Oh wait, it was touch screen #FML
 
The Galexy
Me: What exactly do you mean by everything?
Mom: Everything now. Just check well. That was what the "oyinbo" said.
Me: What Oyinbo? Oyinbos came to market the phones? Caucasians? Ko possible (not possible).
Mom: No o. I think they were Chinese.
Me: *puts-my-head-in-both-hands-falls-flat-on-my-face dead!*

I had to tell her the phone was a fake then she demanded I refund her money! Ngwanu! How?
See en, I was just weak. I sha jejely gave the phone to her and told her to return it.

So Mr. indecent proposal has finally been laid to rest hopefully. I can't give too much details because he might find this blog (although I doubt it) but let me just say he was very inappropriate. Asking for my bra size, wanting to know if I have tasted sperm before, "mistakenly" brushing my boobs, getting into my personal space, coming into my office without telling beforehand on a Monday morning!!! Guy is all kinds of inappropriate, it's mind boggling! Anyways, I've shut that plane down.

So gist overload. Are y'all still mad at me for staying away for too long? No? I thought so. Thanks for forgiving my ikebe. Sharouts & congratulations to New bride Sisiyemmie and new dad 9jas Great. Stay Ebola free people. Kisses.
 
P.S: My natural hair sisters, has anyone living in Nigeria tried this Max Hydration Method?
P.P.S: Please kiss and hug SingleNigerian whenever you see him. Just do it.
P.P.P.S: Ugo Ukam, your tag is coming next.
P.P.P.P.S: Atoskin please go and update :p
P.P.P.P.P.S: Has anyone heard from Ginger, Unveiling Gold & Naijamum in London?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S: I miss Sting's sting :(
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S: NuttyJ, made your choice yet?

68 comments:

  1. Lmaooooo...see me running here with my heart in my mouth...my God!!!! Mchewewwww
    aait! So August Alsina is a REAL person's name?!!!!! Lmaooooooooo...you are sooo dead!!!! Lmaoooo
    see ehn, now we know why you are like this...your mum legit asked YOU for a refund?!!!!! Lmaoooooooo
    lmaooooooo.
    I am actually laughing my ass off.
    NAWA!
    Again, wait..someone was asking for your bra size?! He saw what I saw?! Halleluyah that someone is on the same wavelength as I am. *glory*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What did you see HD? Hmmm I don dey suspect una o!

      Delete
    2. HD: Lmaooo I can just imagine what you were thinking. The only place I'm coming out of is a door babe...August Alsina's door hehehe and yea, he's very real and oh so yummmyyyy *flutters lashes* I mean, I like your ikebe and buckets (who wouldn't), I'm jealous of them, not lusting after them boo. Ok, maybe a little bit...#iKid :p
      As for my mum, imagine o! After trying to "surprise" me, (oh, she surprised me alright) she now asked for refund. #FML *sigh*
      So in all of that inappropriate-ness I mentioned, your only comment is someone is seeing what you're seeing? You're a mess and half!

      9jas Great: Please ask her o *unlooking*

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ashewo!!! I have been suspecting you & your cougar tendencies since,thought you came to confess.Oh well!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaoo @Ashewo. Biko leave me jare. Those boys are just tempting somebody anyhow. Body be wood?

      Delete
  4. Ahahahaha, ok! I no vex again, because of the yanful, yanful tori.
    First, belated happy birthday to you.
    Galexy? lol @ you and mosie conversation.
    Car-race-toasting? oya, spill gist for ground o jare! Wetin be say, make we no ask? I hear you!
    Mr indecent proposal? What kain of questions be all dat ehn? The guy no try at all!
    I miss Sting's blog also, hopefully she would have a change of mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for not vexing again my sweetest aunt. Thanks a lot for the birthday wishes. That car-race man gist don finish o *flees*
      Mr. Indecent proposal is just an agbaya abeg. He no try at all at all. I was so mad.
      I'm hoping Sting would come back too.

      Delete
  5. Welcome back Twinny. The drama though, you are awesome like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks sweetie. You've been gone for too long boo.

      Delete
  6. Hahahahahhaha lmao... kai Toin... shey you now see what you have been depriving us your Disciples of? I mean your humor is natural. @Galexy. Hahahahahahah Mehn those Chinese goons mean business in the African Mobile market eh. Ai zaa.... nawa oh. @The SUV toaster, mehn Toin please give us full gist nah, hope you gave the guy your mobile number oh. Heheheheh in other news... a guy asked for your Bra size??? The guy sharp pass razor blade oh.. Hahahahahahaha mehn You are Epic aswear. **kneels down on the ground... please dont go away again Toin, please, you are important like that. :( ehen... i forgot. Thanks for the mention, i have hoped that one day, i would get one from Toin, one of my most ghen ghen bloggers. :) **In Mobys voice... Oya Chop kiss....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oya come chop "noku" for bringing me out of this hiatus. In fact, chop kiss join. Na so my life be o. I don't even gerrit. I run from one drama and another one starts chasing me...in an SUV no less. You're welcome boo. I'll try not to disappear for that long again

      Delete
  7. At last!!!

    Your spicy gists are always worth the wait though...so I'm looking forward to the car-race romance sequel but no too tey this time o.

    Was that indecent proposal guy okay at all?
    Na real wa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I truly have missed you. I go try not to stay away for too long. No mind Mr. Indecent proposal o. Yeye man, tueh

      Delete
  8. Okay i had to pause my reading to come and plead for follow up on the car guy...abeg na!!! lol. Okay going back to complete the post now

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy belated bday..we have missed u..wait abeg am speaking for myself here..so me myself and i have missed u ehn. and why are people always chasing u with car sha..wait wait wait did u say someone asked for your bra size? how very inappropriate..you would have asked him for the size of his **** since he wants to be rude like that ni..anyway anyway lmao at your mum saying you should refund her..you mum ehn..see this chinese people they don't have the fear of God ooo tryna confuse somebori wiv their 419 phones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks sweetie. I've missed you coming here too. Lmao@ asked for the size of his d**k. See en, he's not the kind of guy that understands sarcasm. He would probably want to show me even. I said this guy out a novel I was reading in the front part of his trousers and said I should come get it!!! If you see the daggers my eyes sent to him en, it could have killed him but it was after that one he got even more inappropriate.

      Delete
  10. Okay i'm done now...i'm glad you're back. Now going to read up the post on the indecent proposal guy, cos i was lost in that part. Welcome back Toin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaooo...hmn, I might just do a follow up on the car race guy. I can tell you he's cute though *wink* Thanks for the warm welcome. I've missed trolling your blog as well.

      Delete
  11. LOL. Toin u are so one kin ehn! Kai.
    Well, u are forgiven for the disappearing act.
    U have to download the car guy gist oh.
    Those Chinese people need to be flogged buy ur mom is hilarious!
    Missed u much beau. Welcome back!

    Oh, as for that indecent guy, good riddance!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me sef know say I be one kain. But shebi you love me like that? Shebi? I know. I love you too jare. Let me see if the request for a sequel is plenty. I might just do it. And yea, good riddance to agbaya.

      Delete
  12. Lmaooooo!! Toin nwa. Please tell us who August Alsina? What is he made of? What is his job description? We need to know these things!
    This your car race romance you must continue this gist oh, can't leave us hanging like that. And your ma is very funny though. She called chinese people oyinbos as how??
    But Toin what is your bra size? That's a good question. It can't be bigger than miss bucket's own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaooooo, did I not specifically ask you to stay away from that part of the post? You want to open my bombom outside ba? My God will not let you! August Alsina is one of a kind my sister. As per job description, he is a helper lmao. Want to borrow him?
      Lmaoo@bigger than bucket's, of course it is not. It's a mere mug compared to Miss Buckets' Nne.

      Delete
  13. blessings....
    Galexy! priceless....
    lmfao

    have a blessed sunday

    ReplyDelete
  14. Looooooool me i want more gist on mr indecent proposal abeg, hope you didn't just let him off without educating him on some manners.

    Atleast you can make and receive calls with the Galexy so you better use it in peace and it's TOUCH SCREEN hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mummy DS, I'll see what I can do on that one. There's waaayyy more but...I just might give the full deets. As for Galexy, biko, e pain me o. My mum is just something. Sigh

      Delete
  15. First of all, is your mum a comedian?
    Second, I kinda feel bad that I didn't ask about you. Even a tweet, I no try. Welcome back anyway.
    Third, who da hell is that guy? Your bra size? I guess he takes something...Did you slap him?
    Uniquely different with Fredilia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl, my mum is special is all I'll say. Thanks for the welcome even though you didn't ask after me. As for the indecent proposal, I wish I slapped him but I didn't.

      Delete
  16. Awwww I missed your birthday this year. Happy Belated Birthday lovie. Welcome back! Noooo we must ask for the full gist of car race love lol. Finish jare and don't leave people hanging HaHa! Lol at shut that plane down, he must have been really bad bad bad then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea, you missed my birthday. Thanks for the wishes dear. Oh, Indecent proposal was worse than bad. Thank God I was never alone with him. he was a walking disaster. As for car-race, fingers crossed *wink*

      Delete
  17. That phone shaaaa. Na wa o. Yes, I have heard from Ginger. She is going great, with her baby.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lmao!! Can't stop laughing at the galexy phone and your Mom's reaction! Epic.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The heading of your post just reminded me of the intro of one of 2face's songs. Biko, flee from that guy asking for your bra size, he really does lack manners, and he brushed your boobs too? You should have wozed him when he did that. Meanwhile the convo you had with mama made me laugh out loud, Galexy? Please go with her when she is returning the phone so they don't swap it with another chinese phone

    Thanks for checking up darl, i will definately post soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flee, ani I've destroyed that plane totally. A ni r'ina ni kanga. Awon delayer of destinies. Total agbaya somebody. Oya, go and update ma'am.

      Delete
  20. it's so good to have you back with plenty gist....you really need to explain the mr. indecent gist very well...hahahaha
    i'll be waiting for the tag response....
    Have a beautiful week toin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks boo boo, for pushing me out too. The Tag is def coming up next. I have about 4 of those pending. Enjoy the rest of your month

      Delete
  21. Firstofus, stop giving us half-half gist. What happened between you and car chase guy GANGAN? When are you going for drinks? When is the wedding?etcetc. Who is the person asking if you've tasted sperm before?????Na food? Is it on the tasting menu at Tulip Bistro??? Some people are just were alashos. Thank God you shut that down instantly. The "Galexy' story is so awesome! Sounds like something my mum would do and now you've made me miss her. See yourself! Anyway, no tay again before you come knack us 'tory o, ya hear?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaoo@ Drinks and wedding, Nne, lerrus take it one step at a time a la Jordin Sparks. Lmaoo@tasting menu at Tulip Bistro, o ma sumi o. I don't even know for the agbaya tio d'anu. He is def one of them were alashos. I will try not to disappear again.

      Delete
  22. welcome back first of all.....

    you must be a pretty babe for guys to be asking for phone numbers up and down....lol.....will you be my sis-in-law..and please when next there is an accidental breast brushing by a man , please do an accidental hand slapping as well...kilode....which one is tapping without permission.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See en, when I say I'm not that pretty, you people won't believe me. You'll think I'm being humble and things but I'm not. This is why I pity gorgeous people and the kind of propositions they must be getting on a regular. Oya send your brother this way. I would totally love to be a DIL to Mama Sykik. She sounds exactly like my mom.

      Delete
  23. Toin tomarro...Ayaf milzed u oh! Me too I know ayaf being a naughty and disappearing lil geh. Ayam already changing. 3 posts in a month? whoop!

    Btw I tagged you in my post "20 Things about me" kindly take up the challenge! Tainz...:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in, you're on a roll. I'll def take up the challenge. It should be coming up soon. If you see this, you need to allow people without a g+ account to comment on your blog. I've been there but I can't comment. Please adjust the setting. Tainz.

      Delete
    2. Yelz oh! I'm a repented blogger

      Aww, I'm so sorry, hon
      Oya ayaf adjusted the settings :D
      Please comment away!

      Delete
  24. LOL! Yeee! Your MUM!!! hahahaha

    Welcome back oh. We dey wait, don't be long again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cutsie Tomi, thanks boo. I'll try not to stay away for this long again.

      Delete
  25. YAY! Welcome back! Oh dear...Samsung Galexy???? Ojigbijigbijigbi!!! Please whats the update on that dude you were racing? LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaooo, girl that was how my mama shocked me with a Samsung Galexy o. I was just there with my jaw on the floor. The woman is something else. Thanks for the welcome sisi. How's married life?
      As for Mr. Suv, fingers crossed *Coy Smile*

      P.S: I'm waiting for deets in your wedding hair

      Delete
  26. Hahaha....mehnnnn...mami you are really funny....I like it here..its warm.....buh seriously...Samsung Galexy????...oh dear God mami....like wow!!!!

    Tibs Tells Tales

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks boo boo. I know you're funny too. Anytime I see your name, I just remember that dumped post. Hilarious!

      Delete
  27. seriously eehn, you are just a natural born 'cwasy".........LMFAOOOOOOOO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl, I can't even deny that *face palm*

      Delete
  28. All these half gists you are sharing diarris god o!
    Welcome back Hun, don't be gone for too long again, please :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But but.... they are not half gists. Sigh, thanks for the welcome boo. I'll try to stick around better

      Delete
  29. lol at chinese being oyinbo lolololol
    fashionitazbybuiti.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your mum sounds like my mum.hehe.
    As for Mr indecent proposal was he planning to give you his own sperm to drink ni? Abi Which kain iranu question be that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lool, moms for the win.

      DOn't mind the mumu guy o

      Delete
  31. Your mum sounds like my mum.hehe.
    As for Mr indecent proposal was he planning to give you his own sperm to drink ni? Abi Which kain iranu question be that?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Okay so I carried last on this one....how come I didnt know about toinlicious.....mehn duru, aby, tibs, ugo I will not forgive all of you.... hello Toinlicious.... my name is Moby and Duru introduced your blog to me....you should kiss him for that. I love your blog and I think you are amazing.
    You should know I like gist ehn...its a hobby that I love most...why am I saying this? You see the gist about the guy that stopped to collect your number, I need to hear the remaining part or else....ama look for you and do something I'll regret. Its a threat....im waiting. NOWW

    Www.mylifeasmoby.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hey Toin, you actually got me laughing out loud. Nice one!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Loool Toin! you're too much. Would like to know how you laid Mr Inappropriate to rest. Lol! I pray it's permanent! Blinking cheek!
    Great post jare.

    ReplyDelete
  35. heyyy I want to be like you when I grow up oh. Men speeding their car, running after me...LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Awww....@ u miss sting's sting. Lol. No more sting o. I don't schange to naijascorpio the peace loving african.

    ReplyDelete

Hit me nicely