Thursday, 19 February 2015

An Open Note To Toinlicious




I had another post in mind, a crazy one at that so stay tuned because it's all typed and ready for posting. In the meantime, there's this Chocoholiclady I want y'all to meet. She's mean. So mean. Ya'll remember this post where I complained about my weight, right? Well, she decided to reply me here. Let me just put this out there, listen, I don't enjoy people washing me and making my head swell *checks nose* I mean, no one likes or enjoys washing right? Right *side eyes* That would be totally vain and we all know I'm not er em vain *checks nose again to be sure I'm not going Pinocchio* so no, I didn't enjoy her wash. I mean, I did NOT smile while reading her open letter. I certainly was NOT grinning like a Cheshire cat and all while reading her intro to said post. I was totally NOT laughing my ass off at her descriptions and finally my insides were definitely NOT doing backflips and shii *hides grin*. I was just reading with a blank face O____O Now that we've gotten that outa the way, imma try that honesty mama taught me. She's amazeballs and warm and fuzzy and funny as hell. She started out with really cool nibbles and really went in #NoPunIntended hehehe 

Toin this is the response I promised.

So a while back I became more active on twitter and had the blessing (or so I thought at the time) of meeting a bubbly lady called toinlicious. Her blog is wonderful and I have enjoyed getting to know her through her blog. She is truly a bubbly piece sugar, spice and all things rainbowy and her posts, no matter how random have a way of putting a smile on your face (toin wipe that smile off your face, this post is not going to be complimentary -____- ). She is the kind of person I believe I would enjoy having as  a friend in real life not just on twitter or at least I thought so until THE EVENT.  Yes oh! I have an issue with the beloved toinlicious.

Here is how it went down. I was jejely on my own  oh when I saw a notification on my phone. Toin had tagged me in a tweet with a link to her blog. I was all excited and happy. The ode that I am I clicked on the link and went to read hoping for a shot of some toinlicious sunshine. The post started out great. I was there nodding and smiling  (side note: toin I am also waiting for the married peeps to answer that question oh. I am with you on the bbm sticker thing. After I have laboured for my salary, I will now throw it away on bbm stickers. Have all the words and emoticons in this world finished? hian) then I came upon this piece of blasphemy!

“So I got a UK size 6 dress and I’m sad because it fits. I thought I was a size 8 but apparently, the image of myself in my head is somewhat distorted. Help! I don’t want to disappear! I intend to do some damage this Xmas though. Size 12 coming soon (Please don’t rain on my parade, teinks)” – Toinlicious 2014

O_____O CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT ?!!! this young woman is sad and complaining because she fits in a size 6 dress. Do you know when last I fit in a size 6 dress?  To my eternal shame I am not sure iI have ever fit in one. Kai some people don’t know what they have. TOIN! you have the precious gift of “inability to be fat” and you are crying.  You are trying to gain weight and be double your current size????  Somebori help me, this world is finished. In fact I am just speechless.  Do I need to educate  this young woman on the massive disadvantages of this path she is treading? On behalf of all card carrying members of the chubilichubchub club I am insulted. Please feel free to throw your gift in my general direction. All I have to do is sniff a burger and I can feel my hips expand.  I enter cold stone and I feel 5 pounds attach themselves before I even place an order. Just one meat pie and gbam I have gained 6 kg. I am very vexed. In fact I am beefing you here. I am here trying, struggling and fighting to be a UK size 10  and this young woman is effortlessly a size 6. See the insult!!!!! Then to add salt to an open wound, she is throwing the gift back in the face of God!. Toin let me assure you, you will not disappear. Has Beyonce disappeared? Kate moss nko? Even Victoria Beckham has not disappeared (truly, at some point I thought she would). Please wash your eyes well and if need be get glasses and un distort that image you have of yourself sharply.

My dear people this is a classic case of “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” and yes Toin darling I haff rain on your parade. :P However, in spite of your misguided desire toin… I still think you are a rainbow in the sky that is blogville!
XOXO dearie!
Signed,
Chocoholic lady!

Lool see she's dope. Check out here blog. I enjoyed her 2014 lessons too. Really dope.
Mad gist up next.
Kisses

Update: I wore that dress yesterday and thankfully, the bust area is now very tight. Yassssss! *flees*

68 comments:

  1. Hehehehe She's just getting to know the Toin i love....i mean,we all love.*looks around for the wife* Anywho,if you like add weight,if you like disappear,i don't care.Camaro sef u no gree buy for me! Mtchewwwwwwww!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmmmmm 1st to comment! Can i at least get half of the Camaro now? No?! Oh well!

      Delete
    2. Oh dear, I know some people who would do anything to fit into a size 6 dress and a certain person is complaining lol. You never know what you have.........

      Delete
    3. 9jas Great:lmaoooo You do deserve the half Camaro. Let me go order the first half. Keep your fingers crossed hehehehe

      Yours truly, i will be shutting up about my weight soon *face palm*

      Delete
  2. This is freaking hilarious. I really love this chocolate woman already. Very funny. Toin na who fit U be this.
    Complain again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love her too. In fact, i no dey complain again o

      Delete
  3. Heehehehehe you don meet your match Uh :-) :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaa...lol.nice.
    www.deemako.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awww this is sweet. All this washing we are washing here (is it laundry day?) Diaris God ooo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in ehn, Walter. I'm just looking to see if anyone had hypo to borrow me small. :p

      Delete
    2. Lool it is def laundry day. Come Jyte, let me borrow you small hypo :D

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Toinlicious is amazeballs....we know that already. Tell us something we don't know :p

      Delete
    2. Aww blog bae *flutters lashes*

      Delete
  7. Kai, I hope she doesn't read any of my posts blackmailing God for bum-bum......but seriously this life is in different shades........some of us they find fat and some get fat effortlessly......I still dey find 5kg extra for over 2 years now.

    Chocoholic lady, I love you already, you are one funny mama.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaoo she will so come for you. You're right though. Eni to'ni fila o l'ori

      Delete
  8. LOL Chocoholic is really talking to people like us. I had a post about wanting to be fat too. If she sees that post, she will put person on full blast o. Beht being so slim too is.....lemme not start before Chocoholic grabs person by the ear and drag 'em

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loool and i bet she would. Don't mind her. As if our struggle isn't valid just because it's different from hers *side eyes at Chocoholic*

      Delete
  9. LOL... I wish I can dash you some size o...

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree with her o jare. Its people like Toinlicious that will become size 12, and now start complaining about when they used to be slim. Abeg, be careful what you wish for o.

    I am a UK size 6, and US size 2, and I like myself the way I am. Thank you.

    Atilola's World

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me have the fat first na. Interestingly, i gain weight o, my body just refuses to keep it ni

      Delete
    2. US size 2.. Egbami *runs away*

      Delete
  11. i'm sure if we could dash weight, some of us would have 'cut' some for you... Good to know the dress is now very tight around the bust area.. *ahem*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lool *offers hot tea to clear your throat*

      Delete
  12. Toin Toin, I wish I had your problem. Lol. Chocoholic Lady described me well - all I have to do is smell good food and I can feel the pounds piling on. Chai!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loool @ Pounds piling. This piling should come and happen to me for a bit na *wails*

      Delete
  13. Kai! Its official, I am still a learner with capital L in the washing and setting industry.. :( Damn Ms Chocoholiclady is good.. She is like the President of the Washing company of Nigeria :).. Where is my journal, I so need to take notes.. :) lemme confess ehn Egbon, me sef was blushing (and I am even still blushing as i type this) on your behalf.. lmao! These lines had me in iron stitches: “inability to be fat” + "All I have to do is sniff a burger and I can feel my hips expand" + and that cold stone one was heavenly Epic.. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt.. Kai **With all due respect Egbon.. You see?! It is not a crime to be one of us.. to be lekpa like Bonga fish after all.. Embrace ya Calling Egbon.. xx

    its funny yeah Toin, how what we dont want is what another is dying for, so i am learning to kick of my shoes and accept and appreciate my life for what it is with an anticipation to become a better ME and not a better THEM... Maybe that way yeah, I actually get to live and enjoy life as it is... Mehn Toin she is good.. and this closing line was frosh like that.. "I still think you are a rainbow in the sky that is blogville!" and to that the crowd goes.. Awwwwgghhhh.. Cheers

    Oya **Shines teeth. Bragging rights time:

    Dear Everybody,

    You see the lady they washed above?! the Lekpa one thats is planing to disappear called Toinlicious?! She is my Egbon and i love her to the moon and back. Check that... **Wears Mr. Nigeria smile.. :) ooossshhheey!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "You see the lady they washed above?! the Lekpa one thats is planing to disappear called Toinlicious?"

      Hahahahahahaha!

      Delete
    2. Lmaooo, me sef don tire for this my lil bro

      Delete
  14. Lol...Thought to drop by today and I am glad I did...hehe


    Tibs Tells Tales

    ReplyDelete
  15. I hereby endorse chocoholic! She nailed it. I can never comprehend the fact that some people want to add weight. I don't just understend !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How will you en? When you want to jog off the ikebe that i am craving *side eyes*

      Delete
  16. OH MY!!! you people have slayed me with your comments. ROTFL!!! As for those trying to gain weight, the only reason you are still on the mission is that you are yet to dance the atilogwu dance just because you want to fit into a pair of jeans. As for my fellow brothers and sisters in the weight loss/control struggle, the LORD IS OUR MUSCLE (No not FAT, just MUSCLE) AND STRENGTH. Our testimony is on the way (someone shout a big AMEN!)
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. i am petite and while that has its cute upsides, it can be annoying to lose more weight. For me, it so happens that when i lose weight, it happens all round which includes precious body parts like the bum. *NO..No..Don't gimme that look* I don't want my jeans to be empty or to shapen bust areas of clothes that once fit so forgive us sometimes if we want just a little flesh added to our bodies.
    P.S- Judge me not. This is the heart cry of a petite babe with recent wardrobe wahala...And yes, I don't want to disappear. Lmao
    P.S.S- Y'all shouldn't flog me oo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No flogging jare. No one would dare *shields you* Don't mind all these people with Ikebe trying to invalidate our struggles. *fist in the air* Solidarity for ever!

      Delete
  18. Toinlicious... I have never had an issue with gaining weight... I'm like Chocoholiclady... I see food and I gain weight... I do understand loving your curves as I have come to love all of mine ... however; I wouldn't want to eat more to gain them back :-) ... Although I highly doubt I would have to do that as I'm quite curvy no matter what size I am. (I must say I don't like losing my bust size, thankfully they didn't get too small with my weight loss) xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And this is exactly what i was hoping for. You're curvy with any size and your bust size doesn't reduce. Could we just sawp bodies please? *puppy eyes*

      Delete
  19. blessings...
    girl i wanna say so much
    but i pause and simply say, health and strength are two of your most precious gift, enjoy it and live. There are worst things that being smaller than a size 6.
    As for me, i haven't been a size 6 since i was 6, if i could pass you some of what i got, i'd gladly.
    Let me have a conversation with God, we'd see how that goes, if you start to fill out, you'd know its been answered.

    peace.
    love
    happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yasss! Now lets just wait for God to show after your conversation with him loool. I agree on the healthy bit though. That's the most important

      Delete
  20. Dress is now tight on the bust? Picture or it didnt happen, woman! havent you learnt?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls pls pls behave yourself. When you've refused to give me ikebe *side eyes*

      Delete
    2. Imagine, tight at the bust, i will give you award for growing breast calories

      Delete
  21. Hiya dear, i nominated you for the versatile award, here's the link to my blog lilieshaven.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweetie, thanks so much for the nomination. I'll get to it soon

      Delete
  22. Madam Toin. Please come and collect weight jare. If you want to be size 16 sef I have enough for you and even after dashing you I'd still be chubby. I'm like Chocoholic. All I have to do is drive by dominos and I start swelling. I was ill for 2 weeks once and couldn't eat throughout and still managed to leave the hospital heavier than when I was admitted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chineke! And you don't think we should look for a way to share this weight something. How can you gain weight without even eating? How? I don't unsten!

      Delete
    2. As in... Even doctor confuse. No be joke. But seriously, nothing wrong with you wanting to gain a little weight just as long as you love yourself enough to not be depressed if it doesn't happen.

      Delete
    3. Depressed kwa? Me? Mba o. It's not that serious abeg. I just want some areas to get curvier ni. I hear when i actively start some er erm activities, they will fill out so I'm patient :)

      Delete
  23. Dear Toin, you've really been hit nicely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lool In fact, this wasn't the nice i was hoping for but i'll take it like that Xoxo

      Delete
  24. Toin!
    Pulls ears.You don hear?
    As for me I like myself either way jare.
    Slim or chubby.
    Although I never wished to be fatter when I was slimmer than this sha.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well well well woman have you ear? mo'ni better leave ya bori at size 6 o.but not to judge sha i sometimes think i'm too skinny too and want to add some flesh..but since God dashed me nice bumbum i enjoy my blessing and leave it there..lool.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Toyin please mind yourself.If you wear a size 6 and you are complaining, what about those of us who wear double like a size 12 and we are bursting at the seams so we don't wear a size 14 and every time we step on the scale we are begging for reduction, We struggle to suck belle make the dress fine, or conscious of arms and you are complaining.Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    ReplyDelete
  27. Lol! You are a joker! She makes a very good point though

    ReplyDelete

Hit me nicely