DEAR SANTA

 Hey people. Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Love you guys muchos. Today i am featuring a fellow almost-passive blogger who i find very eccentric. His name is IK and you can find him here although he hasn't been updating for a while. Anyway, he wrote this letter to Santa last year and i wanted to share it.

Dear Santa,

It’s funny how it’s only this time of the year you become relevant, I mean, I never ever think of you through out the whole year. Maybe it because for some reasons in the last 10 years I haven’t gotten a gift from you, now why is that? You definitely can’t say I haven’t been good these past years. Or is it because we moved and no longer live on the top floor, and our house doesn’t have a chimney? How do you ever fit into chimneys with your excess fat and sagging stomach, haven’t you heard of something called a gym? I mean you go around carrying your big fat belly around encouraging fathers that it looks cool. I guess you also drink too much beer that’s why, so which is your brand? Star, 33, Gulder? Naa you look like a Heineken man. Do me a favour, go hit the gym and while you’re at it, stop at the barbers place. They just might mistake you for a terrorist climbing people’s roofs #justsaying

I left the doors open last year hoping you’ll think it wise not to pass my house by since I don’t have a chimney, but I guess the excess fat’s getting your brains clogged. (No offense). Or could it be because the last time you landed Rudolf and the other reindeer (never figured out their names) on the roof, my neighbours saw it as an opportunity for free Christmas game kill and tried out their stoning practice on the deers hoping for free meat? Poor Rudolf! One would think that by now you’d have caught up with the 21st century and bought yourself a cool set of wheels. And quit messing up peoples roofing sheets, you do realise people in Nigeria/Ibadan use zinc right? I mean, it gets really noisy when you land, you practically wake the whole neighbourhood, which gives up your position and once again you become target practice.

Rumour has it that traps have been set for you on roofs and instead of stones like the last time, security men have been equipped with hunting rifles, its tagged “operation shoot to kill”, and who ever gets to kill or trap Rudolf gets his red nose and head.
So I advice you try the wheels. Don’t go for low cars, try the SUV’s or Sienna, they have enough room for you and the gifts. Hey I could even hook you up with a good deal. If you’re game you know how to find me.

Speaking of gifts, you really do owe me all these lost years and have to make up, also I’m going out here risking my neck by telling you the plans they have for your deer and saving your red behind so you really need to step up and show me some attic love. My list it really isn’t much just the basic;

1st of all I need a bb, not blue band I mean a black berry. I’m sick of chicks asking me for a pin and I’m running out of lines to tell them. BB bold 9700
2. An Ipad Wi-Fi 16GB tablet
3. Zune
4. Skate board…….i don’t know how too, but would be cool to carry one in my back pack.
5. Nikon D5000 digital camera
6. TAG Heuer or a Casio G- shock
7. PS 3 and make sure it comes with Call of Duty: Black Ops game
8. A date with Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj
9. A new wardrobe, with all the basics and essentials
Finally my last gift is for you…..buy a clipper for me but you can keep it, you need it more than I do. And make sure you use it; you need a serious total make over, probably should try a Mohawk or weave. Don’t you watch E! TV or The Style Network? You need to go watch them, start with TSN, watch “How Do I Look”, and then get some style tips from E! Lose that big fluffy red and white costume you wear and replace it with a suit. Trust me you’ll look more like an entrepreneur/CEO than some weirdo climbing into people’s house to toy with kids. You just might beat Brad Pitt to the father of the year award if you take my advice.

Anyway don’t say I never wrote you this year and didn’t show you love, once again my house would be the only one without a zinc roof and with the generator on, not expecting PHCN to be nice that day. Would put a sign board for you just in case and the spare house key is under the mat. So you don’t have an excuse for miss my house.
Don’t forget, gym, change your wardrobe, wheels, salon, and please quit the way you laugh, kids now know the slang word whore, so when you go HOHOHOHOHO, it sound pretty much like whorewhorewhore…….lol, sorry had to add that, really funny joke I heard.

Merry Christmas Santa, would be on the look out for you on the eve of Christmas.

LAST WORKING DAY AND THANKFUL NOTES

Photo source: Google images

Last Friday was my last day of work for 2011 so yay me! I was decked in native with my nicely configured head-tie and looking gorg. (I know you’ll say #humblemuch but it’s true). I got my Christmas package and bonus too. I’m so excited but I don’t actually have any concrete plans yet but I’m sure I’m going to have fun. My current plan includes lots of sleep, movies, food, more sleep and more movies and more food lol. The fact that I don’t have to wake up early for the next one month except if I decide to, rocks!

I’m grateful that I’ve had a pretty good year. Some ups and downs as usual but the ups seriously trump the downs. Even in d midst of chaos, God was faithful and I’ve been able to smile through it all. I’ve definitely made good on some of my plans for 2011 and I’m glad I kept to my resolutions. I’m thankful to God for the gift of life because I cannot begin to recount how many bombings, accidents, rapes, suicides, kidnappings etc I have heard about this year. A lot of young people also died this year and none of my family or closest friends did and for that, I am truly thankful. My heart goes out to those who lost family and friends and I pray that the grace of God will be with us wherever and whenever we need it and may He also give us the strength to move on. (ojo a jina sira won) I have a lot of reasons to be thankful which are too many but below are some of them.

·        The air I breathe which many people take for granted. Some people need oxygen mask to breathe.

·        The bills I pay even if they’re minor like phone and DSTV bills.

·        The water I drink even though I think it’s tasteless and always go for BerryBlast instead which I’ve been told several times isn’t healthy.

·        The fact that I can open my eyes in the morning and see the harmattan mist and the way my mom has arranged stuff I warned her not to touch.

·        My functional nose even if it perceives the bad breathe of the person next to me and my colleague’s perfume that makes me sneeze.

·        I’m thankful for the hands typing this and blogging among other things. A lot of people are quadriplegic.

·        I’m thankful that I can feel my boobs. If you also can feel all your body parts, you have no idea how lucky you are. I don’t know how Guiliana Rancic feels at the moment but I pray she’s okay and God will ease her fears and pain.

·        I’m thankful for my job for thousands are jobless even if it means working with difficult bitches and ass wipes people I don’t sometimes agree with.

·        I’m thankful for all my ‘toasters’ even if some are 20years old and make me feel like a cougar.

·        I’m thankful for my smile which I consider my best feature. I swear, it’s infectious and melts hearts. I just smile and people get addicted. They can’t help it. My smile is that potent lol.

·        I’m thankful for my personality. I don’t dwell on things I can’t change so I focus on the things I can and let God deal with the rest. I’m also an extrovert and I seem to make people laugh and feel better despite life’s challenges that I deal with everyday. I don’t know how that is but I’m thankful for that too

·        I’m thankful that i finally learnt how to drive and it feels good. I even have a sharp retort for every messed-up driver who crosses me. I’m gangster like that lol. I’m sure I’m pretty good but you don’t wan to be my passenger. Not just yet.

·        I’m thankful for good health. I went to University Teaching Hospital (UCH) and met a lady who had an Okada accident about two months ago. She was on an okada and a car hit them from behind. She’s now paraplegic and she’s been inconsolable ever since. I did everything I could to reassure her that God has a reason for everything and it’ll be fine. We talked for over one hour and I finally got her to smile and even laugh out loud several times and we exchanged numbers. When I left her bed-side, her mom gave me a big bear hug and I understood every unspoken word. As I was passing the nurse’s station, a Nurse stopped me to say “what you did today was wonderful, thank you”; I felt like I won a lottery. The world could be so much better if we all did something for the next person. I’ve spoken to people who think they have to be a certain age with lots of money to give back to the society but sometimes a look, a smile, a hug or a word is enough. Anything and I mean A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G can happen in a minute. We most times don’t get a perspective of how precious life is until it’s too late. If you want something, don’t wait. Go for it. This is the only life you have and the next minute is not guaranteed. Make every minute count for good. People may forget what you said or did but they will never forget how you made them feel.

·        I’m thankful for my friends who make me laugh when life throws me mean curves. RK and Mo are amazing. RK’s always there when I need him and he always has my back. Mo is just awesome. She says I inspire her but she has no idea how much she inspires me. My mom actually thinks she’s the prettiest thing. (Whose side is my mom supposed to be on anyways? I mean, considering the fact that I look like her you would think she’ll be on mine) Mo also claims I am crazy but I think she is. Or maybe our crazies are rubbing off on each other. I’ll post one of our conversations so you’ll know the crazy is not all me. Did I just admit to being crazy? Oh well.

·        I’m thankful for my family. I talk about them constantly (like you haven’t noticed) and I couldn’t have wished for any better. We have this Mafia-like bond going on. I tell Prim-not a secret and make her promise not to tell anyone and Prim calls me 15minutes later to ask me for the details of the secret because Prim-not just gave her the basics of my supposed secret smh. I think my brother and mom were sent to this world to annoy me but I love them all the same because they’re amazing. When we’re all home, it’s always a certified mad-house fun-house. Each time I tell Prim “I love you” she goes all suspicious and asks what I want and when I tell Prim-not same; she asks if I’m trying to “dagbere” (give a farewell). They are not getting rid of me that easily mehn besides I have this endless bucket list. I’m thankful for my Prime brother in-law (daddy factor) and my Paddiest in-law who are just the ‘bestest’. My nieces; Princess, Angel, Tim and Kim who make my life more colourful than the rainbow. I don’t even understand how I can love them this much but I do and I’m thankful for that.

·        I’m thankful for my blog family. I’ve not met any of you personally but I love you guys you have no idea. I feel as if we’ve been friends since forever. I read anonymously for a long time before deciding on starting mine. I however procrastinated for so long until it eventually entered my resolution and here we are; 60 followers and counting. It’s been wonderful and I love you guys. I’m not giving a farewell speech because I intend to be around for much longer God willing. (Y’all aren’t getting rid of me that easily either).

Finally, as this year comes to an end, the only thing I ask from God is Favour. If life decides to hand me a dirty stinky he-goat, I’ll ask Prim, 9ja foodie and Lohi o, Myne (even Coy Introvert has some extroverted culinary skills mehn) for pointers and make a badass Isi-Ewu, Suya, Kebab and everything nice you can make with goat-meat and ask life: whatchagondobouurit huh? Or want some?

PROPOSALS (PART 2): IT’S COUGAR TOWN

Photo Source: Google Images

Thank you all for your insightful tips on motherhood and discipline. My scared level has dropped and i feel like whenever the time comes, it won't be so bad with all the wealth of knowledge i will be getting from you guys. *hugs*. Now to the concluding part of my gist. If you missed part 1, please check here. So i attended a friend’s wedding and it was a mini-reunion of sorts. I got a fake proposal from a wacky friend with a wacky ring and it was so hilarious. It almost made me forget about the painful 20k Aso Ebi that I had buy for that wedding (post for another day) Now, all my friends and family listen up, when/if i get married, I MUST get a Car/House from all of you people I have invested in your wedding in the form of Aso Ebi o. I don’t know why anybody will give me Aso Ebi for 20k to be on her train. I know she didn’t force me but she wasn’t someone I could refuse. She actually begged and she’s nice so I couldn’t say no. Prim-not attended a wedding who’s Aso Ebi was also 20k and she was not offered water let alone gift. At least I got a very nicely packaged gift so I will be shutting up right about now.

Back to the main gist of today, i was chilling at the engagement ceremony with 5 of my friends and those ones were dancing like dance was going into extinction. Initially we were playing catch-up and refusing to dance because the bride already warned us not to ‘out-dance’ her but as soon as serious music started, grooving started. These girls were digging it in heels; some Beyonce-type ish. I just respected myself and was cheering them on and snapping. It was then i noticed this young looking tall and slim dude staring at moi. For the purpose of this post, we shall call him Adam.

He came to chit chat with one of my friends who discovered he was related to the groom. When Adam asked my friend for my number, the sensible thing would have been to say ‘no’ or ‘ask her yourself’ ba? My crazy friend apparently thought since I was single, it was cool to hook me up with random strangers (who could be serial killers God forbid) so she gave him my number. Or maybe she was high from all the food and dance. She later told me what she did and after having the “No!”/”Yes” “You did not”/“Yes I did” conversation, we chilled and continued enjoying the party. There couldn’t be much harm in giving out a number, could there, right? Wrong!

After the party, Adam started calling me. Initially I didn’t think anything of it until i started seeing 20 missed calls! Shuo! What for? By Sunday afternoon, the calls were beginning to irritate me and i was ready to kill my friend who did this to me. Then Adam called on Sunday evening and said he had a question he wanted to ask me.

Adam: I really like you and I would like to date you. I think it’s love at first sight for me.

Me: (shocked look and eyes bulging like saucers. No! He didn’t just use that line!) er, what did you say?

Adam: I said I want to date you.

In my head :!@#$%^&*:> %^#!^@&**^#&^&^!!!??

Me: (in a deceptively calm voice) I honestly don’t think that would work. How old are you Adam?

Adam: I’m 20.

In my head: Cougar cougar cougar cougar Cradle snatcher cradle snatcher

Me to my head: Shut up and let me think!

Me: Adam, I’m 30 (I’m not 30 by the way, just wanted to scare him off)

Adam: Age is just a number.

Me: (oh no no! He didn’t just use another line!)

So I rambled, told him I had to attend to something and got off the phone. I called Prim immediately and she laughed so hard and asked if I didn’t remember Jumping The Broom. Smh. I told her Lil Romeo is cute and totally worth going to jail for. So I ping Mo (my bestie) and give her the gist and she asked if I had forgotten How Stella Got Her Groove Back. What is wrong with these people and movies anyway?

Adam called back and I gently explained how it could not work for me (Do you guys believe in love at first sight?) He says we can be friends but he won’t stop asking and I smile. After that episode, he made it a habit to consistently call so I told him to relax on the calls. When i noticed he still called like he was obssessed, I put his number on ‘Silent’ (I miss Nokia so much. I would have blocked his line outright) After ignoring his calls for a while, he called with a strange number and I picked. The 1^st thing he said was, “why are you not picking your calls?” Warrahel? Er, until you sugar buy me a sugar phone, you do not sugar have the sugar right to sugar query me about what sugar calls I sugar pick or sugar ignore. (Now taking deep breaths and slowly counting 1-10). You should probably replace ‘sugar’ with the appropriate expletive. That however wasn’t my reply but it was absolutely what I wanted to say. So I calmly answer that I get busy during the day bla bla. He made small talk but I told him I was tired so he got off the phone. At this rate, i might have to produce a low budget movie titled Deliver me from Adam.

Now, sometimes when he calls, i pick and I don’t say a word (I know that’s mean but I need to get him off my case) so he has resorted to SMS which I keep ignoring. Check some out below:

May God who made dis day continue 2 shawer his blesns upon u,may he fil ur heart wt joy&hapines of d day,abv all may he grant u more beautiful day's! Gudmorn. Hw was ur 9yt. Aww, cute right? Keep reading.

Bed time is nt only wen u sleep,bt a time dat u think of does dat u really luv nd cherish.dis is my bedtime nd u're remebered, hav a pleasant 9t rest. Still cute huh? Keep going.

May ds cool 9yt bring u as beauty as a garden ful of rose&inspire hope 4 ur dream,wishn u a fabuloures sleep.gud9yt! Typological errors could happen to anyone right? Ok.

I can see ur smile fading, i can hear ur voice crack. You may not be near but u know i got ur back. Let me be ur friend who'll wipe ur tears away. Eh! See lyrical curse?! Gbogbo ara ile yin smile won ma fade! Thunder fire you.

Y u don't went to pek my call Y jus till me den i wil  no. I haf die finish. Ogini? Not so cute anymore abi?

Evryday u alwaz on my hrt,i 1dr hw God work's in a miraculus way,ur identical wht d angel i saw in my dream last 9yt.gudmorn hop d wedar is nt 2 cold. No words anymore. Non.

Thankfully, he has stopped stressing and the Universe has gone back to normal but he still calls from time to time. And that is the end of my creepy propositions story. Now, don’t go lecturing me about how age is a number and I should give him a chance o, en en because this is just too much drama and I am not a baby sitter. All this boy needs to do is grow up. Muah, love you guys muchos and I’ll be back.

MOTHERHOOD

Photo source: http://elev8.com/world/orethawinston/what-is-mothers-day/

 

Motherhood scares me. I honestly can’t wait to have kids but if they turn out to be anything like me, I'm in trouble because they'll drive me nuts#nojokes. I think motherhood has to be hands-down the hardest/trickiest job ever. The idea that my child will be totally dependent on me and my decisions (@least until s/he's old enough to start making them) scares me. I mean, what if I do something wrong and it's ingrained in her/his memory? #shaking it off.

I recently started appreciating my mom for my growing-up years because she was of the spare the rod and spoil the child school of thought. For a long time, I just wondered why she hated me (never mind that I was the naughtiest & most mischievous minx around) I just wanted her to be more like my dad who wouldn't beat you even after you re-painted a newly painted house with charcoal (you know the one you get from after-party burnt wood). I didn't do that by the way (ok so maybe I did but that's a post for another day). My sister however took 100% after my dad and she’s a total softie when it comes to kids. She just cannot help herself. She always wanted to be a full housewife with like 6 kids. She still does but the reality of life is not in favour so far.

Anyway, my sister, Prim-not had a fight with Princess; her 3yr old baby. Princess is one very naughty minx and they say she takes after me. I've seen Prim-not scold her lots of times and I usually manage to keep a straight face so I don't burst out laughing when she goes “Why did you do that? Are you a baby?” and Princess answers with “No” (I'm always tempted to tell Princess to say “of course I am mommy” lol). In my books, a 3year old is still a baby. So what happened was Prim-not noticed that anytime she is around the house, Princess would not touch her home work. Last Saturday, Prim-not decided to help Princess with her home work & Princess started playing around so my sister brought out the dreaded cane & threatened to beat her but Princess still refused so Prim-not beat her; one on the back. Princess of course cried and eventually finished the homework. A few minutes after, my sister noticed a small cane mark on Princess's back and felt so horrible she cried too. She then apologises to Princess; explaining why she beat her. They settle and that was that...or so my sister thought.

While at work on Monday, the nanny called Prim-not to tell her that Princess just told her that “My mommy beat me o”. My sister was devastated. She felt so bad she started crying at work (she's water works too). A colleague saw her crying and asked why and she spilled. The guy, who had never met Princess but had seen pictures, told her not to worry about it but she still felt bad. Now, two things worry her.

1) Princess is apparently becoming an adult and has passed the age where she forgets stuff.

2) Prim-not thinks she may be turning into our mom.

Later in the day, she called me to report herself and my mom heard us talking & told me to cut the phone so she could tongue-lash my sister which she did. As if that wasn't bad enough, the radio program on her way home was about parents who beat their kids. Now here's the deal, she is definitely not a child beater but it happened once and she has vowed to throw the cane away and revert to her usual scolding. Thing is, how does she make up and explain to the obviously smart baby who apparently did not forget the incident. Prim-not doesn't want Princess to start thinking "mommy hates me" or stuff like that. So my lovelies, please let me know what you think.

P.S: Please check out Gistmerchant’s blog. He's kinda new to blogville.

P.S.S: The part II of my proposals dilemma coming up shortly.

PROPOSALS (PART 1)

My amazing people of blogsville, Honeydame, Luscious Lue and Oroque, it is either I have suddenly become sizzling hawt or something is wrong with the universe. After that 9ja great’s sorta proposal to my last post, why would I wana settle for anything less? Cos "less" is what i've been kinda getting lately o. Anyways, just bring the ring already @9ja great. Muah. Ginger, please leme know if you still want the cream#wink

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It was after one of those stressful days at work. All I was dreaming of was a hold-up free ride so I could get home asap, take a bath and devour hot Amala in that order. The police decided to stop us at one of their check-points and they were asking for papers. My face, which always had a smile, was too tired so a smirk was all I could manage. One of the police guys was staring at me and smiling. He appeared to be in his late twenties. I just carried my face, yeye sombory. I was irritated because I was too tired besides, these police people have mastered the art of time-wasting.  I was just praying for them to find whatever they were looking for so we could be on our way. They kept going back and forth amongst themselves while my dad sat in the car, cool as a cucumber. After going back and forth for a while, the one that was smiling and staring came to the passenger door and slipped a piece of paper into the car. With a confused look, i quickly looked down and about the same time, they were telling us to go that we were cleared. (Before nko, long hiss) That was when I picked the paper and checked it. Below was the message scribbled on it.

Hi,
My name is olanrewaju. Plz I like to know you beta. 0803253510*

Mi daran (meaning: I’m in trouble) Just like that? Did an Olopa just make a pass at me? Make I call am be that abi? Is it just me or do babes actually respond to this kinda thing? Or am I over reacting? Anyways, that was the first one.

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You know how, when you wake up and you reach for your phone to check for messages and immediately feel ashamed because you haven’t prayed so you drop the phone and you pray? No? Hasn’t happened to you? Me neither. Anyways, after I prayed, I saw this facebook message notification so I checked it.  It reminded me so much of those letters we used to write in high school. “Hope the sun is shinning and the rain is showering on your roofs. If so, doxology” U never wrote those kinda letters? Yea, me neither. (Straight face) I see you Prim! Stop smiling! Anyways, this was the jaw-dropping message I found (copy and paste o)

Hello Beautiful,

How are you doing? I hope that life has been treating you so well. It is a very nice opportunity or rather I must say that it is a surprising thing that my attention was caught by this your nice and wonderful profile.

As I was browsing through this site, I really felt interesting on how you narrate your profile. Your pictures motivated me and even moved me to think more about relationship and all the good things that come with it. After going through your educative and fantastic profile I realize and also come to a final conclusion that you’re a very nice lady that has the epitome of knowledge which every average man most like to associate with.

That is why I sent you this message so that maybe we can be able to know each other well and discover some certain good things about each other.

Please feel free to reply my message. My BB pin number is 2201c1c* if you're on a Blackberry services

Thanks for paying attention and for your understanding.

Have a great week.

Yomi

Egbami o (save me o!). With bb pin sef. I mean, I know I’m not scary-looking or anything, but I had to check myself again like, who? Me? Really? I just laughed and ignored the message only for Mr. Yomi to send me another message in the evening.

G'evening beautiful,

i hope you didn't think i messaged you for fun of it or something or my chats with you were mere pranks. Well, there are lots i seen to make me conclude having a wonderful relationship with u. however i would not just want to be mere friends with you, but more. I would want you to take your time to get to know each other well and decide. You're quite beautiful and would not take you for granted. Please tell me more about yourself?

I would love to get to know you beautiful and more.

#drops dead (Now slowly getting back up and wide eyed) To think someone, sat down (or stood up) to compose this sorta message. Why? Why? But why? I mean, when fb started, these sorta messages were common and all but fb has kinda settled since then. I tend to just ignore these kinda messages though but I just had to share this with my blogsville people so y’all can learn English and lerra composition. Hihihi. I say no be only my eyes go see am.

On the same day, another Emmanuel sombory sent me a message:

Nice to meet u. Facebook sent ur name to me asking if i know u. i think we can be friends isnt it. im a single guy. im in lekki. tell me about u too.

See me see long thing. Tell facebook ur not interested na. abi just ignore. That’s what the rest of us do na! As if that was not enough, I now went for wedding that weekend and a particular sombory decided I was Cougar material. That is coming up in my very next post. Stay tuned. (I sound like NTA Ibadan network centre) hehehe. Love y’all. Muah.

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

I will totally not abandon this blog for a week. Not gona happen. My mind/head seems to be running a mile a minute in a million different directions.  I wish I could just give my head out to a professional head-fixer to fix everything and return to me all sorted and properly organized. Life would be so much easier if I could do that. Right now, God is my bestest bet so I’m leaving it all in his hands and trusting him.

Lue, Honeydame and Oroque, i have not forgotten my funny-proposals story, I’ll make good on that next. In the meantime, there’s this song that I can’t get enough of. Bruno Mar’s Just the Way You Are. I know it’s not new and I’ve listened to it so much but it never gets old.  The way i smile when I’m listening to it en, you’d think he was singing it to me. Sometimes I actually imagine he is and that his smile…#sigh. The guy should just marry me already. Anyways, if you bump into him, just give him my pin. A girl can dream right. So Mr. Right, if you’re reading, this song would be a good way to propose. On second thought, don’t. I don’t wana spoil the memory of this song if it’s not done right. Ai, I’ll definitely be back. Enjoy the video, cuteness.

BBM and FACEBOOK THINGS

So I’ve been getting some really dumb funny blackberry messages. Last week was the absolute worst particularly when RIM was down. It was a very peaceful week for me I must add. I actually really enjoyed the peace and quiet. Franky, i really missed my  instant emails but not so much of blackberry messages. I wonder why #sighs. Unfortunately, during the few times that I could access blackberry messages, some inane messages kept popping up. I wish I could send “slap” smileys to people. Blackberry message smileys are so deficient.  Where’s a slap smiley when you really need one. Smh. I had to copy and paste these messages and I left all the typos intentionally so you’ll get my irritation. Here goes:

This is the real broadcast from Blackberry© All rights reserved.

 Broadcast this message to every single contact on your BBM© to reset your display picture, sorry for any inconvenience.

This message is to inform all of our users, that our servers have recently been really full, so we are asking for your help to fix this problem. We need our active users to re-send this message to everyone on your contact list in order to confirm our active users that use BlackBerry Messenger, if you do not send this message to all your BlackBerry Messenger contacts then your account will remain inactive with the consequence of losing all your contacts

Symbol will automatic update in your  ,when you broadcast this message. Your blackberry will be updated within 24 hours it will have a new lay out and a new color for chat.

 Dear Blackberry users, We are going to do a update for bbm from 11pm till 5am this to day. You if you don’t send this to all your contacts your update will be cancelled and you would not be alowed to chat with your contacts as you have the old version

I mean seriously?! Az in for real for real?! When have we ever updated anything by broadcasting a message?! Even people who have been using blackberry for almost a year who I thought were smart actually fell for this. Sorry to sound condescending but people are unbelievable. The message sef is too disjointed. Seriously smh.  Here’s another one:

A 14 yr old boy was shot 6 times by his step dad While the mum was at work. The boy was protecting his 2 yr old sister, Who the step dad was attempting to rape. The young girl was not harmed; DUE TO BEING PROTECTED & cz of that young boy'z courage.

The 14 yr old boy is now fighting for his life, and the doctors say he Will not make it unless he has this life saving surgery in which the Boy's mom can't afford. So all phone companies has agreed to donate 0.45 every time this message is Sent. So fwd & help save a life! I don't care if yu hate broadcasts, delete  if u have NO HEART</3. so plz plz send this to EVERYONE in ur contacts. if u don't then u'r just heartless.
Remember BC this message PLEASE. don't ignore this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently I have no heart because this fiction writer is good but not that good. If one more person on my contact sends me this ish, delete ni straight. *angry face*

Saw this on a friend’s fb wall and I laughed soo hard I almost peed myself. It was just too painful. People are just mind boggling.

FACEBOOK JUST RELEASED THEIR PRICE GRID FOR MEMBERSHIP. $9.99 PER MONTH FOR GOLD MEMBER SERVICES, $6.99 PER MONTH FOR SILVER MEMBER SERVICES, $3.99 PER MONTH FOR BRONZE MEMBER SERVICES, FREE IF YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. WHEN YOU SIGN ON TOMORROW MORNING YOU WILL BE PROMPTED FOR PAYMENT INFO...IT IS OFFICIAL IT WAS EVEN ON THE NEWS. FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING DUE TO THE NEW PROFILE CHANGES. IF YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR WALL YOUR ICON WILL TURN BLUE AND FACEBOOK WILL BE FREE FOR YOU. PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON IF NOT YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED IF YOU DO NOT PAY...... better safe than sorry.

P.S: I dnt know if my cream is working wonders or my soap is the culprit but I been getting some seriously funny proposals. I’ll gist y’all abourit in my next post. I also wana thank Nightingale for the Toin-Scar (that's what she called my versatile blog award lol) And to all my new followers and the silent readers, i see you. love you guys soo much. Thanx for always stopping by. Muah.

VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD

Photo source: Google Images

*She walks in wearing a Versace dress with lovely Christian Louboutin shoes. She looks smoking hawt (I know y’all can’t see the shoes but it’s Louboutin).  Blows air kisses with pursed lips and waves, just like Kate, Duchess of Cambridge. Brings out the paper on which she’s written her well rehearsed Oscar-like speech. In a perfect British accent, she reads…

I would like to thank my fans, my father, my mother, aunty Seki, aunty Suli, not forgetting…lol. Ai, leme get serious. But this is what I look like sha. Honest. Definitely younger, bigger boobs and butt and a berra smile. Less paid too at least for now You don’t believe me? Fine, be like that. I love that dress tho, very pwerry.

I got the Versatile Blog Award from 4 sweethearts. Lovely Myne, sweet Priscy, sweetest Luciano and adorable Duchess (updated this cos of Lue and Duchess. Even after giving Lue the award she thought to give it back to moi *hugs* and Duchess...lurv dat name...is just awesome) I’d like to thank you all for giving me this award. This is my first blog award and it means a lot to me. I hope I’m able to continue sharing. You guys rock.

The Rules are: - Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
- Share 7 things about yourself.
- Pass this Award along to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know about it!

Rule #1 is done, now, 7 things ko? Here we go.

Un: I love sleep a lot. Az in, I sleep well. I’m kinda nocturnal but when I hit the bed, I’m gone. My siblings say I could sleep for Africa in a competition. I call it a blessing that I’m thankful for.

Deux: I love reading.  Novels, magazines, blogs anything really. Even when the end of the novel is torn off, I’ll still read it.

Trios: I seem to remember the weirdest things…like how the nephron (kidney) works. You know, the Bowman’s capsule, distal convoluted tubule, loop of henle...you get my drift. I can draw it too.  And I am an art student. Remember that Michael Power advert where a lady was drowning “are you ok? I don’t even know. I think I need another kiss, Mr.  Power”. Just weird random stuff. Prim-not thinks I have what she calls “uncommon brain”

Quatre: Moi has got a beauriful/wonderful smile. Really, I do (at least that’s what I’ve been told). My smile is usually measured in megawatts so you berra be wearing shades when I let it loose. (In the Joey voice: Hey, how you doing #wink)

Is it just me or is my eng really getting bad with all these abbreviations. I find myself abbreviating almost every word. I’v had to stop myself from sending “pls” to my boss a few times. I mean seriously? I have to start paying more attention to eng o. C, I just did it again. Crap. Smh. Make that nombre cinq:

Six: I currently have about 268 movies (as at d last count) on Pearl (that’s my external. Pearl is red, sassy and really cute). Don’t even get me started on series. From SYTYCD to Desperate HWs, to Greys Anatomy, Boondocks, 90210…list is endless. Needless to say, I lurv watching movies. Good movies tho. Mostly comedy but if it’s like Devil’s Advocate, Sweet November, My Sister’s Keeper, Law Abiding Citizen, Nothing but the Truth, I’m game too.

Sept: I am a music junk. From Barrister to Pink to Brandi Carlile to James Morrison to Melanie Fiona to Gavin Degraw to the 90s to Band Perry to Jason Mraz...list is endless. I have about 11 gig of music on my lovely Pearl.

Another thing is, er, wait, that’s seven already. Oya leme add small jara. I love French. I wish I could speak fluently. I studied it for some months and i loved it however no speaking partner is currently dwindling my vocabulary so help me God. There you have it.

I have recently discovered so many fun blogs but the following are just a few of them.

Honeydame

Oroque

Pretty Lashes

9ja Foodie

Coy Introvert

Kit Kat

Hazel

The Relentless Builder

Lovelifeforsale

Ginger

Lady Ngo

Luciano

Iwalewa

Complex Diary
Che

Merci beaucoup. Muah.