Tuesday, 13 September 2011


So my aunt was over for the weekend and she was her usual mischievous self. We started making small talk and she asked how my friends, especially ‘John’ and IK were doing. I told her “fine” with a small smile.
“When was the last time you saw John?” she asked.
“It’s been a while” I replied.
“And he hasn’t been asking after me?” she added
I didn’t reply. I just smiled.

You see, my aunt is one of those weird people who crack you up without even meaning to. She just has a way with her. There was a time I followed her to a prayer group she recently joined. All the women were told to pray about their husbands against Lagos big babes who steal other people’s husbands with ‘jazz’. My aunt was just looking around, watching the other women pray as if heaven would fall…as in, serious prayers. Another lady noticed she wasn’t praying and moved close to her.
“Madam Bee, how come your not praying?” the woman asked
“There’s no need for prayers jere. Nobody would dare snatch my husband” The woman gave my aunt an incredulous look like she was deranged. Is this woman high on dusting powder; the woman’s look seemed to say.
“What do you mean nobody can take your husband. Don’t you know how these girls operate ni? Even if your husband doesn’t want to do, those girls will make him do with ‘jazz’”
My aunty insisted that no one would dare snatch her husband. The woman kept trying to convince my aunt to just do the prayer but she refused.
“Ok, where does he work?” The woman asked
“Ikoyi” my aunt replied.
“Ah! Ikoyi is even one of their target places! Madam, I think you should just do the prayer. E ma sobe o! Awon omo onisokoto tinrin yen ma ni? (Meaning, don’t say that! It’s those thin-trouser-legged girls) Ok where exactly at Ikoyi?”
And my aunt replied with “Ikoyi Cemetery.”
She lost her husband about 6years before.
The woman just gave her look and started smiling and shaking her head.

So when she asked if John had not been asking after her, I knew better than to reply.
The first time she met him was at my house. He called me when he got to the gate to let me know he was around. I was coming out of the room when I saw her going to get the gate. I followed her but she got to the gate first. He came in and the first thing she asked was. “Why are you hitting the gate? Shebi you’re tall, why didn’t you just jump over the fence?
She wasn’t smiling and my friend looked really uncomfortable. She quizzed him again and he mumbled something about the fence being too tall. My aunt laughed and said “So you would have jumped abi? I would have screamed “Ole!” (Thief) hehehe. I just pitied the poor boy.
As if that was not enough, she asked for the church he attends. He answered with “Baptist”
“So what’s your English name? John or Mark?” she asked
“I don’t have any ma” he replied.
“Then John it is” she said with a mischievous smile.
And John it has been since that day.
That is my aunt people.
Some families do have them.
Thanks for reading. Muah
I’ll be back.


  1. Blessings......
    She is a woman with a hearty spirit; full of life and energy to spare it’s where the mischievousness comes from. She also sounds like a woman with whom you will know where you stand, if you are loved or if she is displeased with you, that’s a good thing.

    Pray so their husbands don't stray? In other words pray against their husbands will to exercise their free will and choice, because that is what they are asking really. A man knows what he has and he can make whatever excuses he will if he wants to "eat" elsewhere he will "eat" elsewhere.

    As for the Jazz if that means what I think it does, (I could be wrong) then poor women that would sink to doing such things, obviously they have no sense of value and worth and have to resort to other measure to hold a man. I dare say though, wah kind ah man if they geh im foolie foolie? Who wants a man that’s foolie, foolie, bahsodee (out of his mind) and stupidy like a door nail - ah if that’s all there is available then case women are better off with a dildo and a sperm bank.

    Have a wonderfilled day....

  2. lwkmd @ aunt. She is a character o. John go fear to ever near your house again. As for the prayer so that small small girls will not jazz the husband, i would say that wives should continually put their hubby's in prayer that they may not fall into temptation and even when tempted, will have the will to flee.

  3. lwkm..................dat ur aunty enn, na one in town. i wish i have one like her and i cant even stop laughing at the "ikoyi cementry" part

  4. i think me and your Aunt would get along very much.... her Sense of Humor is Of the Charts.... i grew up with Sarcasm and i love dry humor. im the kind of person who would tell a joke and Laugh at the joke before everyone can laugh at it.

  5. Your aunty is so funny o, kai. I wish I could hang around such people, there will never be a dull moment.

  6. Hahahha... she sounds hilarious, like a free spirit as well. I like her already...LWKMD.

  7. lol seriously she's a nice woman.

  8. I have met ur aunty n yeah she's .....em "hyper".U̶̲̥̅̊ seem to have left the ik part out,the "me" part.I have an aunty like that,"she didn't drink water for a while cos fishes fornicate in it" her words

  9. @Rhapsody, she def is full of life & energy. As for d prayers, I guess no1 wants their husbands "eating" out. For d jazz, well, guess some babes get desperate & wuld use anything to land a man. Thabx for stopping by.

    @Che, u av no idea. D woman is just somthing else & yea, guess prayers are always needed cos temptation always happens. Thanx babes

    @Luciano, lol, can't get over d cemetery part too. Cracks me up everytime I rembr. I was just feeling for d woman who was tryna convince her to pray smh. Thanx for dropping by. I want more of Akpos tho *wink

  10. @Lovelife4sale, hehehe, I bet. She's a natural. I av a sis dats exactly like dat too. I call her crazy tho. Thanx for visiting my blog. Gona check urs out too.

    @tilola, never a dull moment o. Sometimes I start smiling before she even says a word. She's a joy to av around if ur not d chosen topic of discussion sha.

    @9jafoodie, she's just hilarious. All my colleagues r kinda stalking ur blog now too. Dey like food lol

    @Teboy, I dnt knw about nice sha o bt she's cool.

  11. @Ik, lmao@fornicate...really? Des pple en. My aunt actually liked u. She said ur an "omo daadaa" She also thinks ur cute & probably look like ur mom & if I had to choose, u shuld b it instead of john lwkmd..& I'm not even joking o

  12. Ha,to say that is one of d nicest things she has done,so many we cant begin to open out,especially toinlicious won't want me to open her bombom here.

    I just love d woman,never a dull momnets if u re not d topic as toyin said.toin can u remeber d episode of a guy coming to visit her only daughter.ROFLMAO
    Ope Badru

  13. If you have a person like this in the family, there will be something to laugh about always...... always! Lol.

  14. I love your aunty alreadyy....
    Thanks for sharing.. I smiled all through.. lol

  15. Downright hilarious! I love your aunt already! My family is too busy for humour and wit (we spend all day strategising how to kill each other or avoid being bewitched by the other uncle's wives sister who tried to rub my cousins first born son's head ten years ago)...you get the drift.

    P.S: I don't think ik got the hint...lemme know if I need to have a one on one with him to break it down. ;)

  16. @oroque....I got the hint trust me.but U̶̲̥̅̊ still can shed light by spelling it out
    @toin.....and U̶̲̥̅̊ tell me this now,almost one year after!!!!4o not cool

  17. LOOL! I laughed at "Ikoyi Cemetery"...that is funny. Your aunt sure sounds like a trip! See as she come quiz the poor boy, and christened him on the spot. Gotta love family members like that :-)

  18. loooooool.... you actually made me laugh... she told him to jump the fence and when he said its too tall...she threatened to call him a thief...
    she seems like someone you will never get bored around

  19. @Priscy, sometimes she doesn't even have to say a word to crack me up. thanx for dropping by.

    @Nightingale, thanx swts. glad i could put a smile on your face

    @Oroque, thanx for dropping by man. I think we all have the bewitching family thing going on. I have plenty aunties who i make sure don't "spray me money" at parties smh
    & as for Ik, he's my bff. i'm def gona be giving the toast at his wedding *wink

    @ik, u know ur my loff now *wink

    @Mgbeks, she's just hyperfun when she doesn't pick on u...& yea, she does the "naming" thing a lot. Thanx for dropping by. luvd ur last post.

    @MsNana, glad u enjoyed the post. na my aunt b dat o...and dis is one of her nice times. thanx for dropping by my blog. going over to urs too

  20. Your aunts sounds like a very jolly woman, hahaha...I wish I had someone like that around me always.

  21. LMAO, I love anyone who can find humor in whatever situation they find themselves.

  22. Loooool, your aunt is really funny. I like the way she replied the woman at the prayer meeting place. Lol! Nice post.


  23. @Myne, yea, she's unbelievable. thanx for stopping by

    @Honeydame, oh she always does. it gets annoying sometimes but mostly hilarious

    @Coyintrovert, thanx for d comment & for following too. going over to ur blog in a min

  24. Hmmmmm,very nice.I want me your aunt,please! I actually have an uncle who's capable of almost what your aunt is capable of.I mean,the guy cracks me up and it's no wonder he's my favorite uncle.

  25. Your Aunty needs a TV series. lol.

  26. @9ja great, u can have her plus we culd hook em up u know #wink

    @Ginger, She suld fit right in on Wisteria lane lol

  27. Aunty Toinlicious yi funny gan ni o! This post actually had me laughing and crying as i type this.. your aunt is funny..gbam.. FILEBE... Ikoyi cemetery was so( still looking for the adjective that best qualifies that retort).......
    This post had me ROTFLWTIME.....

  28. mehn! where was i when aunties like this were being distributed? Guess i was sleeping or gisting somewhere! cos what i have are aunties that cant wait to tell u all they have done for u in ur life. Count ur blessing, toinlicious, cos u do have lots of them (if only in this aunty sef)
    Real lovely piece well crafted

  29. @Da injurer, she's crazy like dat. @widesmile* Glad d post made u laff. Just anoda day in my house

    @Amaka's Notepad, thanx luv and i am grateful. she's a handful tho

  30. loool....

    I love the story...

    He works in Ikoyi Cementry u know...

    She is funny..

    Thanks for sharing..

  31. Thanx for dropping by luv. My aunt is curayzay #wink

  32. Your aunt is one funny woman, just stumbled across your blog and love it already. fun read!

  33. Yankeenaijababe, oh yea, she's a trip. Thanx for stopping by & commenting. Off to ur blog right about now

  34. Hahahahahahahahahahah Lmao.. This post was just Epic. Lmao. Hhehehe He should have jumped over the fence and Ikoyi Cemetary had me in stitches. Hehehhheh lwkmdo


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