I GET IT NOW

The last time I posted here, I was all thankful not knowing God had a lesson for me. So while I was all giggly and excited, my friend was struggling for her life. For some reason, my mind had been with her all through that week. I sent her messages but they weren’t delivered. I called her lines but they were switched off. She did that sometimes when she was stressed so I figured she was going to get back to me. You see, she was due to deliver this month. After I didn’t see/hear peep from her, I sent a message to her hubby on facebook but he didn’t reply too. After updating my last post, I left a message on his fb wall.

I however got a message on Saturday: “sweetheart just heard about the demise of your friend. May God comfort you” and I wondered who would leave me this kind of message with no name, bearing in mind that the sender and I had a lot of friends in common. So I ignored the message without even replying only to check my phone and see an updated status with my friend’s picture and RIP. RIP ke? I pinged several times but my messages did not deliver. I felt very hot and clammy and then I started feeling cold. Stone cold. Cold from the inside. My brain went blank. My heart was racing. I was confused. I frantically called to confirm but no one was available or picking. I was terrified of what I would find. Eventually, I discovered that her hubby had posted her death on his facebook wall. Ore was dead. It felt surreal. I hoped I was hallucinating. Like someone would wake me up and tell me I was dreaming. Apparently, she delivered on the 14^th but died on the 18^th of May. She didn’t pull through the complications after delivery. Eclampsia I think.

I've lost people before but Ore was more like my sister. She has been actively in my life for about 11 years. She’s in like 90% of all my pictures. She was beautiful, cheeky, amazing, smart, thoughtful, selfless, funny…awesome even. She was ‘olowo sibi’ (chef). She would cook and call to say there was food and we'll go to her room to eat. I even have a picture of us eating in her room half-dressed. Smh. She loved Maryland cookies & Pringles. Loved to tease. She named my brother Abedi Pele because of his bow legs. She was always up for mischief. We partied, studied, fought, acted silly and pretended to read at the library. We don’t do library reading. We both know when we go to the library; we’re going for some eye candy. Fun times. I remember how she would threaten to stop visiting me if i did not stop arranging stuff. Memories. And somehow, she’s gone.

I did not get it this well before. I honestly thought I did. I absolutely get it now. Death sucks. It totally sucks. So many questions. I keep thinking of ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ but i know what is done is done. I want to blame someone, anyone. I guess it was her time. It’s hard to swallow though. Sometimes i feel like crawling into a hole and disappearing. For many nights after her death, my mom would touch my fore-head while I pretended to sleep. My folks and friends kept calling to check up on me. My parents kept giving me that “I-wonder-what-she’s-thinking” looks.

The last time we spoke, I remember telling her how my mom had to be hands-down, the craziest mom in the world, and she was laughing and saying my mom is fun. I had no idea it was going to be the last time. Seeing her get lowered into the ground at the burial was so final. I thought I was hardcore and gangster. Maybe I am but not as tough as I thought. The tears slid helplessly down my face. I tried to stop them. I truly did but my ducts would just not cooperate. Seeing her brother smile through his tears tore at me. Seeing her sister looking lost opened a gulf of tears I never knew I had. Listening to her husband almost killed me. Hearing her mom tell me “ore e ti fimisile lo” (your friend has left me) broke my heart in a million pieces. But listening to her baby’s cries brought back a smile. A weak smile but a smile nonetheless.

I'm supposed to open an online memorial page and I don’t even know where to start. I sent her a message on facebook last weekend. Just because. I’m taking comfort in the fact that her little girl is alive and well. I also have wonderful memories. She was a wonderful christian and I am thankful to God for a life well lived even though short. I wonder what people would remember me for when I die though.

I have been reminded these past few weeks how we all should live ready and reconcile with God. Nobody knows who is next. Tell the people who matter to you how much they mean to you. People sometimes forget you love them so remind them. Pray, live, love, trust, loose, forgive, miss, fall, get up, try again, do stuff, go places, make mistakes and learn. May God be with us all.

This post is also dedicated to everyone who’s ever lost someone. And to the recent happenings in Nigeria and beyond. May all the souls of the departed rest in perfect peace.

P.S: My friend used to stay in Lagos so I can’t visit her baby as much as I’d like although I go to Lagos often but what else do you think we (the friends) can do for the baby? I was thinking about asking Ore’s hubby to open an account in the baby’s name so we can credit it quarterly or something but someone said he might not like it. Suggestions would be welcome. Thank you.

P.P.S: The race to broadcast bad news is becoming ridiculous. I had to tell someone to remove a display picture of a supposed dead guy who is alive and well.  To the sickos making jokes about the plane crash and deaths, God is watching you. A character posted a picture of a toy plane and said 'another plane crash’ like, how truly sick are you to be making jokes while those people were still burning? Don't people feel anymore? I mean, have some respect for the dead! #thatisall

P.P.P.S: Thanks to everyone who checked up on me. I am much better. 9jas Great xoxo, Lue, Honeydame, Sugarspring, Coy Introvert, Priscy, Daughter of Her King, Rhapsody, Emaleecious, Atoskin, every single one of you guys rock. Bless you.