Thursday 7 June 2012

I GET IT NOW

The last time I posted here, I was all thankful not knowing God had a lesson for me. So while I was all giggly and excited, my friend was struggling for her life. For some reason, my mind had been with her all through that week. I sent her messages but they weren’t delivered. I called her lines but they were switched off. She did that sometimes when she was stressed so I figured she was going to get back to me. You see, she was due to deliver this month. After I didn’t see/hear peep from her, I sent a message to her hubby on facebook but he didn’t reply too. After updating my last post, I left a message on his fb wall.

I however got a message on Saturday: “sweetheart just heard about the demise of your friend. May God comfort you” and I wondered who would leave me this kind of message with no name, bearing in mind that the sender and I had a lot of friends in common. So I ignored the message without even replying only to check my phone and see an updated status with my friend’s picture and RIP. RIP ke? I pinged several times but my messages did not deliver. I felt very hot and clammy and then I started feeling cold. Stone cold. Cold from the inside. My brain went blank. My heart was racing. I was confused. I frantically called to confirm but no one was available or picking. I was terrified of what I would find. Eventually, I discovered that her hubby had posted her death on his facebook wall. Ore was dead. It felt surreal. I hoped I was hallucinating. Like someone would wake me up and tell me I was dreaming. Apparently, she delivered on the 14th but died on the 18th of May. She didn’t pull through the complications after delivery. Eclampsia I think.

I've lost people before but Ore was more like my sister. She has been actively in my life for about 11 years. She’s in like 90% of all my pictures. She was beautiful, cheeky, amazing, smart, thoughtful, selfless, funny…awesome even. She was ‘olowo sibi’ (chef). She would cook and call to say there was food and we'll go to her room to eat. I even have a picture of us eating in her room half-dressed. Smh. She loved Maryland cookies & Pringles. Loved to tease. She named my brother Abedi Pele because of his bow legs. She was always up for mischief. We partied, studied, fought, acted silly and pretended to read at the library. We don’t do library reading. We both know when we go to the library; we’re going for some eye candy. Fun times. I remember how she would threaten to stop visiting me if i did not stop arranging stuff. Memories. And somehow, she’s gone.
I did not get it this well before. I honestly thought I did. I absolutely get it now. Death sucks. It totally sucks. So many questions. I keep thinking of ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’ but i know what is done is done. I want to blame someone, anyone. I guess it was her time. It’s hard to swallow though. Sometimes i feel like crawling into a hole and disappearing. For many nights after her death, my mom would touch my fore-head while I pretended to sleep. My folks and friends kept calling to check up on me. My parents kept giving me that “I-wonder-what-she’s-thinking” looks.

The last time we spoke, I remember telling her how my mom had to be hands-down, the craziest mom in the world, and she was laughing and saying my mom is fun. I had no idea it was going to be the last time. Seeing her get lowered into the ground at the burial was so final. I thought I was hardcore and gangster. Maybe I am but not as tough as I thought. The tears slid helplessly down my face. I tried to stop them. I truly did but my ducts would just not cooperate. Seeing her brother smile through his tears tore at me. Seeing her sister looking lost opened a gulf of tears I never knew I had. Listening to her husband almost killed me. Hearing her mom tell me “ore e ti fimisile lo” (your friend has left me) broke my heart in a million pieces. But listening to her baby’s cries brought back a smile. A weak smile but a smile nonetheless.

I'm supposed to open an online memorial page and I don’t even know where to start. I sent her a message on facebook last weekend. Just because. I’m taking comfort in the fact that her little girl is alive and well. I also have wonderful memories. She was a wonderful christian and I am thankful to God for a life well lived even though short. I wonder what people would remember me for when I die though.

I have been reminded these past few weeks how we all should live ready and reconcile with God. Nobody knows who is next. Tell the people who matter to you how much they mean to you. People sometimes forget you love them so remind them. Pray, live, love, trust, loose, forgive, miss, fall, get up, try again, do stuff, go places, make mistakes and learn. May God be with us all.

This post is also dedicated to everyone who’s ever lost someone. And to the recent happenings in Nigeria and beyond. May all the souls of the departed rest in perfect peace.

P.S: My friend used to stay in Lagos so I can’t visit her baby as much as I’d like although I go to Lagos often but what else do you think we (the friends) can do for the baby? I was thinking about asking Ore’s hubby to open an account in the baby’s name so we can credit it quarterly or something but someone said he might not like it. Suggestions would be welcome. Thank you.

P.P.S: The race to broadcast bad news is becoming ridiculous. I had to tell someone to remove a display picture of a supposed dead guy who is alive and well.  To the sickos making jokes about the plane crash and deaths, God is watching you. A character posted a picture of a toy plane and said 'another plane crash’ like, how truly sick are you to be making jokes while those people were still burning? Don't people feel anymore? I mean, have some respect for the dead! #thatisall

P.P.P.S: Thanks to everyone who checked up on me. I am much better. 9jas Great xoxo, Lue, Honeydame, Sugarspring, Coy Introvert, Priscy, Daughter of Her King, Rhapsody, Emaleecious, Atoskin, every single one of you guys rock. Bless you.

46 comments:

  1. May your friend RIP and may God grant her friends and family the strength to go on during this sad moment. Maternal deaths touch me a lot. They always bring back memories of my best friend in secondary school who lost her mom during childbirth. My friend was negatively transformed by the experience.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The death of Ore was shocking to me,I really was tempted to ask God why,but I let it be,I take solace in her little child,she has brought joy to us,it would not be the same but we thank God for it,Ore lived a good life though short,very nice,alive,friendly,always teasing and making our day bright she was a friend of the family.Ore we believe you re with the Angels.RIP. To all who lost somebody ibn the Dana crash and other Disasters may God console you all and give you the strength to move on.we will be here for you. I love you toinlicious,Prim,Dee and all of u

    ReplyDelete
  3. O dear,pele shogbo,Ore is in a better place.may God be with us all.
    U dint mention me o am ur new fan.
    But I love sha

    ReplyDelete
  4. I‘m really sorry about your friend. Death is really painful but God knows best. May her soul rest in perfect peace...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aww sorry for your loss. I might not have enough words to comfort you, but God will grant you the fortitude to bear the loss.

    ReplyDelete
  6. im sorry about your loss. i pray God comforts you and her family and may her soul Rip.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Please accept my deepest sympathy. God is your strength!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you so much for celebrating her life. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING JOY IN her life and all she brought to yours.

    DEATH HAS NO RESPECT, NO REGARD, NO WARNINGS SOMETIMES...we have to get through it all.

    MY SISTER WHAT CAN I SAY to make you feel better. I DONT KNOW, ohh(pouts lower lips)..

    But U are right GOD KNOWS.

    PLS I support doing the accounting thing for the baby.

    May she grow up strong and healthy....

    God will help you and family through this... AMEN.. hugs...

    Am sure she would want you to mourn but get pass the stage.... xx
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry about your loss
    May her family find some comfort

    Regarding the daughter, I think the account idea sounds great

    Stay blessed
    xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm so sorry to read this. When people die in childbirth, I think it's the worst kind.

    May God console you and her friends and family. My heart goes out to her husband and child. A bank account for her sounds good.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My condolence about your friend, Toin. May her soul rest in peace. Was she born again before her departure? It's my prayer she makes heaven.

    You have said it all; we should live life ready and make sure we are fulfilling purpose while we live as that is the only way we'd be remembered for anything worthy of commendation when we're gone.

    May God have mercy on us.
    Once again, my deepest sympathy.

    - LDP

    ReplyDelete
  12. The account seems better except u will like buy her things and send thru the husband like pampers,cloths but I like the account betta once u get the acct num frm him,u won't have to disturb d husband again,u just put money when u can and always keep in touch like visit ore mother once a while and ask after the baby to get progress report.
    So sorie abt your friend am sure she will RIP

    ReplyDelete
  13. so sad!but that is life,all soul has tested dead,may her soul rest in peace and al whole 9jarians that pass away(amin)

    ReplyDelete
  14. so sad!but that is life,all soul shall tested dead,may her soul rest in peace and al whole 9jarians that pass away(amin)

    ReplyDelete
  15. so sad!but that is life,all soul shall tested dead,may her soul rest in peace and the whole 9jarians that pass away(amin)

    ReplyDelete
  16. so sad!but that is life,all soul shall tested dead,may her soul rest in peace and the whole 9jarians that pass away(amin)

    ReplyDelete
  17. *hugs* sorry dear.
    the bank account is a very good idea, i think the husband may even like it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. May her soul rest in perfect peace. I pray the holy spirit comforts her husband and all her loved ones.

    ReplyDelete
  19. My dear i ma short of words, death indeed sucks, she is resting now, i pray that God will continue to uphold the family she left behind..hugs

    ReplyDelete
  20. May her soul rest in peace and may God comfort you and her family. God bless the baby....this is sad :(

    ReplyDelete
  21. So sorry about the loss, may God comfort you at this time and her family too. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Awwww. May her soul rest in peace.She is so beautiful and looks young too. Its amazing the amount of maternal mortality in Nigeria. Her blood pressure and seizure could have been controlled. So sad, my aunt died 2 months ago from birth complications...be strong

    ReplyDelete
  23. No, people hardly feel anymore and it's sooo unfortunate.

    I'm really sorry for the death of your friend. Death is soo painful. Only those that have had close ones die will really know how it feels.

    I pray God comforts you all and her family. Amen

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can't imagine the devastation you must feel. I pray that God gives you and her family and friends every thing you need - physical strength, emotional strength, peace, financial support, etc - to deal with this loss.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Also, I am sure you would be doing this, but I think talking to the husband before hand about the bank account is very crucial. Encourage him to think about it, and be sure to communicate that you would be doing it out of your love for your friend and her child. He might be concerned about how you would hold up your end of the bargain 3, 5, 10 years from now when you might be married or have kids or have other financial obligations, so you might want to think those through also as well. Trust that God will guide you to make the right decision for all involved.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm so so sorry about the loss of your friend. May God comfort you and her family and give you all the fortitude to bear this irreplaceable loss. *loads of hugs* dear.

    ReplyDelete
  27. May God give you all the strength to bear her loss...e-hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I dont even have anything to say. This is sooo deep. (((warm, fuzzy, tight hugs))
    Be strong

    ReplyDelete
  29. She was in 90% of your pictures? That tells me how close you must have been to her. Be comforted, Toin, knowing that you'll see her again, God willing. I pray for God's comfort for her husband, daughter and family members as well.

    I think the bank account idea is fine.

    ReplyDelete
  30. May her soul RIP and may God grant you the fortitude to bear the great loss. All is Well.

    ReplyDelete
  31. So sorry for your loss Toin. May her soul rest in perfect peace. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My darling Toin, may God comfort you. As one who has lost a sister and a very close friend, I know how you feel right now. As cheesy as it sounds, it does get better. The comfort is knowing that she has gone to be with God and she has left behind a little bundle of joy. I think the account idea is a really good one. It is a trust fund she can do whatever she likes with when she gets older. May God grant repose to her soul and hold steady those who have been left behind. Pele dear

    ReplyDelete
  33. blessings....
    Aye...have mercy, oh girl there are no words adequate enough to give to you, you simply have to move through it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. She has transitioned from this life to another.

    Memorial page, start with what you know. speak to her personality and bring her alive again through the pages. share antidote stories of laughter, lessons and tears for those that did not and will not know her.

    Peace my friend.
    Remember to breathe and be thankful for every breath.

    stay blessed.
    rhapsody

    ReplyDelete
  34. R.I.P Ore and take heart Toin,may the good Lord comfort her husband and family,the Lord is ur strength.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Let me drop you a mail...

    ReplyDelete
  36. Accept my condolence dear
    So sad to hear

    ReplyDelete
  37. oooh woow my condolence...
    Gone but should never be forgotten...
    such a pretty lady
    my heart goes out to her family.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm so sorry about your loss sweetie. She was indeed full of life but God knows best. May her soul RIP

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am so sorry to read about your loss. May your friend's soul rest in perfect peace.

    Stay strong babes.x

    ReplyDelete
  40. So sorry to hear about your loss darling girl. Huggsssssss.
    I think Cherrykoko's idea of a Trust-fund sounds wonderful. Money is always handy for a lot of things. it would be nice for her daughter to know her mom's friends love her.
    God rest her soul and give you all that loved her comfort

    ReplyDelete
  41. May her soul rest in peace. Sorry about the loss Toin. The bank account option is fine actually. It could be discussed with the husband before embarking on it.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Woo! Been off and on blogsville so just seeing this.

    May her soul find rest in God, and the lord comfort you all. I lost a friend that way three years back and I think the money option is way better.

    ReplyDelete
  43. oh my - may her soul rest in peace. May the Lord comfort you and her family and her other loved ones... *sigh*

    Remember her birthday.. make her a keepsake book with pictures of her mum.. and tell her loads of stories about her mum when she is old enough.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wow! I really haven't been here in a while. I'm so sorry about your loss. It's your loss but it's her gain. See it like that. May God console you and all her loved ones and when the child is old enough may God comfort her too...

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sorry for your loss dearie, May her soul RIP. She's in a better place now and proud to have a friend and sister like u.

    ReplyDelete

Hit me nicely