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So i read Original Mgbeke's latest
blog which was very interesting. I'll summarise. She was with 3 of her male
friends and one of them mentioned how pissed he was when he once asked a
girlfriend to help him clean his bathroom and she said no. He shared the said
bathroom with his brother. He also went further to say that it showed she
wasn't domesticated and wife-able which was probably why she still wasn't
married (he's engaged to someone else).
Apparently, to increase your wife
material, forget Guinea brocade and lace, you have to get on fours and scrub
his bathroom to your heart's content. Please read it here. Mgbeks said "Standing in a kitchen and looking cute
while turning some fragrant stew in a pot is one matter. To clean a man’s
bathroom is an entirely different matter" I could not agree more. Sometimes
i wonder if guys realise that they are also "auditioning" for the
role of husband, same as they expect women to audition. Unfortunately, we can't
blame the men. Some of our sister's have made it a point to stoop down...literally
to the whims of our dear brothers who in turn take it as their birth right to
enjoy the dividends of 'the lordship'.
Don't get me wrong, if your hobby
is cleaning and cooking, like, you see a broom and your spirit can not resist
sweeping, then please sweep away but if you think doing that would hook you a
man, then you are strictly on your own. Personally, if i find a deserving man
who loves and respects me and all of that, i would oh so cater to him without
being who i'm not. I really don't want to believe our men are this shallow
though because women could easily become your slut/chef/laundry lady just to
get you to put a ring on it. So when a girl does all these and she gets the
ring, her real self comes out and guys start complaining that she's changed.
Then again, i'm single so what do i know.
This whole thing reminds me of someone who dated this guy for about 11 years. I think she was 19 when they met and
he was 30. She cooked and
cleaned and when he was horny, he only needed to call and she would go flying
to fulfill his every need. There's probably more to that story. He was her first and he finally
broke up with her last year because he said his mom didn't approve. I blame the girl
too for not ending things sooner. Mr. Man got married to a 26year old diva early this year. I wish i could
dish more on this but my friend would kill me.
So there, if you like scrub the
whole Lagos/Ibadan expressway, cook like you are competing to be the next Food Network
champion, clean like you are the next Clean House Host, or practice all the
Kama Sutra positions to perfection, babe, if he won't marry you, he won't.
If you are married please be
honest. Did you play this "Cater to You" card to get hooked? You can
use anonymous if you feel more comfortable but honest answers please so the
rest of us can stop making mouth and join the band wagon lol.
P.S: Wait though, that's Madona on all fours. If she can do it, who am i to complain? *goes in search of scrubbing brush* #ikid
Kisses
Akuko! Like u said he wont marry u if he doesn't want to. Be urself with a man, let him know that what he sees is what he gets. I'm not saying u should be a lazy ass or a pig. Don't mess up the bathroom and leave it so. If you know how to cook , then please do. But don't do all that if ur sole aim is to catch a bruvr cos if he does not want to marry u he wont.
ReplyDeleteLmaooooooooooo. Oh boy! This topic can never go out of trend. I had read thay post too and was just shaking my head. I cook for d BF when I want to. When I don't, he better be making plans for us to eat out or smfng. Ain nobady got time for that. These things are not things that I put a lot of consciousness to, probably cos I am not interested in auditioning for wifey position. In fact, these days, I don't even want to hear anything about marriage, so take my comment with a pinch of salt; my wife material is -10 yards. Not interested, e seun
ReplyDeleteLmao!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, i am carrying first for the first time on your blog and i think i deserve a clap offering. Lol. I never played the "Cater to you" sister to get hooked. If a man loves you and wants to marry you, all that won't matter. There is no point pretending to be what your not because you will end up making life difficult for yourself trying to keep up with your fakeness.
Well written post my sister.
Eagerly waiting to read more comments because as I am like this, I just kEnt. I've seen my POSH friend wash her bf's clothes on Saturdays with just a wrapper tied across her chest. Need I say, the relationship has ended. I've also seen my diva friend play the DIVA to the fullest with her boyfriend(maybe she was washing and scrubbing all weekend and we didn't know sha) but she's married to the guy now. I guess it's different strokes...
ReplyDeleteMan know thyself and man know thy partner. I think I'd just live by these rules.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...in fact ehn, I once carried last like this o. I had one bob that enjoyed like enjoyment was going out of style. First of all, I would rige the train all the way from Derby to Wales ( a three hours + journey) Only to get there and this asshole’s house would be a tip!!!!!! I am very particular about the cleanliness of the toilet and bathroom any where I am, so I will roll up my sleeves and get to work, scrubbing before I catch a venereal disease. Following which I will launch myself inside the kitchen and make my famous jollof rice for him and his battalion of friends. That was more than 5 years ago. We dated for two years, one of which was the most miserable year of my life.
ReplyDeleteIt is truly a thankless task if you do it for an undeserving guy. And those that demand it are the most undeserving. What I found is a guy that truly likes you and wants to impress you will clean up his own mess even before you get there, negating the need for you to get a-scrubbing. This is the gospel right here:"Sometimes i wonder if guys realise that they are also "auditioning" for the role of husband, same as they expect women to audition." I don't think they know o.
You are so right. A guy would not like to be caught in a dump if he really likes a girl.
Delete...a guy that truly likes you and wants to impress you will clean up his own mess even before you get there, negating the need for you to get a-scrubbing... TRUTH
Deletehubby did not demand it lucky for him and for me i guess cos i wouldnt have done it. We shared the house chores i cooked and he cleaned. I had dated a guy once who was always asking me to wash his clothes i would say no and he would sulk and say the usual i am a woman rubbish and when he started washing it himself i would bring mine and add to it. I had to explain to him that what he wanted was a wife and he should go get one. Was not even ready for marriage then.
ReplyDeleteI cosign with CherryWine- a man that requires such is not a man worth any of my precious time. They are the types that believe that wife = housegirl + sex slave! And a man that really likes you, will be trying to impress you, not worrying about you impressing him. The hayle i look like cleaning up behind another grown and able-bodied adult? Just to get him to do me the favor of calling me wife material. I no fit shout (even though i've already started shouting lol).
ReplyDeleteI have never been the clothes washing babe o, far from it, so i could never have done that for a guy, have i finished washing my own clothes? ... and i hate washing toilets and floors ( did i do that too much in boarding house?) etc..but that's just me, so i never did that for any guy, but i did cook up a storm for my first boyfriend..and he was a waste of space... so as per hubby, he used to clean up his house before i got there ( i partly wish he didn't) otherwise i would have known on time what i was getting into; he is completely unable to pick up after himself , fold his own clothes or do simple things like make the bed (unless i threaten him ..lol)...but there you have it, you can't have it all in a guy, then as per kitchen runs, he would usually cook for me or we would eat out...so i do agree, a guy who really likes you will go out of his way to impress you ..that's all...
ReplyDeletePermit me to say it like it is,lots of you women don't know your worth and this makes you date ass.holes.A reasonable guy will access you in your territory,not in his.He'll access whether you're neat but looking at your house,whether you cook by considering the number of times you've told him you're cooking etc.I've been with my woman for a few years now,but I still wash my cloths,cook my food and scrub my bathroom.It's not like she doesn't do them when she's around,but I make it clear that it's not her duty.
ReplyDeleteLook, the guy wanted to use her well well, and when she no gree, he kept walking. I have heard about this bathroom cleaning nonsense, and I disagree completely with it. (I know someone it actually happened to. The guy, I mean. She washed his bathroom and he still married someone else. There is no secret formula for this).
ReplyDeleteEven the cooking one too, is optional. I can't stand people who use others.
As far as I am concerned, if he has two hands, he can wash his own bathroom. You're looking for a wife, not a house help. And then, there are men who want their girlfriends to also wash their undies ... Nonsense + Nonsense = Nonsense
Love simplifies these things. Why date someone for 11 years like he owns you? Be there doing boy boy for 11 years waiting for him to decide whether you have cleaned after him enough for him to make up his mind
ReplyDeleteBig jokers!
It's so funny how they'd leave these long relationships only to marry the girl they've been tripping around with just after a couple of months
You speaketh the freaking truth!!! I hate when I see women become ppl that they know they are not in hopes to make one man like that happy. I wouldn't even be upset if the dude was the type to go out of his way for his woman but he is not and the woman knows this! And the example you gave about washing the bathroom is too good. Mschew. I asked a dude to help me serve children in church because I had to do something. You should've seen the way this hediot said "Me?!?" and I said "Yes You?!?!" Like the hell is wrong with these dude acting like it's a crime to do house chores.
ReplyDeleteAs per the friend, I would burn his penis off with alkaline fluid and probably add a few drops of acid in his butthole. Idiot!
Taking notes and learning.
ReplyDeleteIt's a 2-way ticket. It works for some, and some, it does not. Both parties should simply be themselves.
ReplyDeleteSome of us ladies need a healthy dose of self esteem.
ReplyDeleteWhere it's more annoying to me, is when the guy sees it as a right for the gf to do all that....if she does it because she wants to..fine.
ReplyDeleteBut it she does it to get a passport to the altar she is on a long thing.
Nope. Never have, never will cater to any man domestically. I don't have a domestic bone in my body and I'm quite happy with it. I would certainly not have cleaned this man's bathroom.
ReplyDeleteNope. Never have, never will cater to any man domestically. I don't have a domestic bone in my body and I'm quite happy with it. I would certainly not have cleaned this man's bathroom... because I would just be pretending to be what I am not.
ReplyDeleteAnd i'm too lazy to pretend this kine thing sef
(Kitten spoke my mind)
I think any lady should ask herself the basic question in a relationship. Are you trying to impress a guy into marrying you by cooking, cleaning, washing and scrubbing etc...that's a big fffoooouuuuulllll. I suggest as women, we learn to stay true to ourselves ...don't pretend to be who you are not just because you want him to put a ring on it. I presume we have all heard stories of guys who jilted the perfect, miss cook, miss cleaner, miss randy etc...that's because a man will love and marry you for YOU.
ReplyDeleteIf the gals do these things (Wash, Cook, Clean etc) out of love, because that is who they are and what they enjoy doing, then they should go ahead. That way, when bobo breaks up with her, she won't feel used.
ReplyDeleteI did not do any cleaning or washing for hubby before we married but I did some cooking and it wasn't that "cook for storage'' kinda thing. It was "cook for lunch at the moment".
I don't like washing clothes and even after we married, hubby was washing his own clothes. The first time it appeared there might be an issue with this arrangement, I asked him to buy us a washing machine because me I cannot spend my Saturdays bending over a pile of clothes. He did. Problem solved!
Seriously Enkay u said my mind abt tellin hubby to buy a washin machine. B4 I got married to my hubby I told him point blank dat I won't wash his clothes(said it n a way dat if dats d reason e wants to get married to mi e shud call d weddin off).
DeleteDon't blame him dou cus e was spoilt silly by d women in his family, Dey did everytin for him. I made it clear to him dat we wre brought up difftly.
I didn't play wifey b4 marriage stil e married mi. Wen eva e s lyk his previous women n his lyf did all dis,wud tell him why didn't u marry dem.
Ladies pls knw ur worth and stop playin wifey for bf. We shudnt b slaves to our partners and marriage s not a do or die affair.
yeah, nice one. Aint no Man's house cleaner.If he wont marry you, he definitely wont. So what are we talking about? Thumbs up.
ReplyDeletebaby yi!!! gba owo ojere!! need i say more? you've said it all!!
ReplyDeletewash clothes? seriously!!! when i need someone to wash mine?hehehe..let's not go that path sweetie
choi!!! 11 years of someone's life ti so fo ni yen!! just like that. its sad and pathetic!!
May God help us realize our worth and remove scales from our eyes oo
Socks self I no dey wash not come talk of getting on all fours scrubbing for man...the comments are def interesting...learning and taking notes oh.
ReplyDeleteI am loving the comments. Too much sense. I'm telling you these guys are on serious Orishirishi business. I've always preached that we women should be ourselves. If cleaning/cooking is in your DNA then do it and if not don't even fake any funk. These men will use you to do serious see finish so don't dull yourself. Great post Toin
ReplyDelete"So there, if you like scrub the whole Lagos/Ibadan expressway, cook like you are competing to be the next Food Network champion, clean like you are the next Clean House Host, or practice all the Kama Sutra positions to perfection, babe, if he won't marry you, he won't."
ReplyDeleteCan I hear a resounding "GBAM!" Anyone?
CherryWine is on point here though...ain't nobody got time to be the house girl.
ReplyDelete11 years wasted just like that? God forbid!
Toin, this post is very interesting and revealing. The mistake that many singles make, is to front a facade of what they are not, just to get a man to marry them. I do not think you need to pretend to be what you are not, and lose yourself, just to hook a man. I agree with you, no matter how a single girl gives a man 'free' services, and plays the role of a wife just to get a ring, when it is time, the man will still go for who he wants. I have a cousin whose brother was dating someone that would come to their home and slave away, just to impress potential in-laws. My cousin did marry her, but after the marriage, that was where the workaholic movement ended o. The babe showed her true colors and it caused a lot of resentments and issues in the family because everyone now saw her for the pretender she was.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I believe a man would respect you for, or at least a real man, who has values and principles, is the fact that you are yourself-no pretenses. It may be good to scrub and clean, but if you do not feel like, you do not have to. Get hired help!!! Who is yours will be yours and marry you in spite of your warts and all.
Hey, Ivy-King. This reply is not related to the post. I just want to say congrats on the publication of your latest book. Cheers!
DeleteThank you very much Haroldwrites. Much appreciated.
DeleteI never washed any clothes, nor cooked any meals, except the one my hubby was served with at my parent's when he came visiting. Even when we visited his mum, I did not go the kitchen to start doing 'iyawo o.' I made sure my hubby to be knew the real me, warts and all, and it's not that I do not love cooking-I do, but I did not have to do it to dazzle him into ,marrying me.
ReplyDeleteNow, as a married couple, going on 11years, I do not wash. There is a washing machine which was designed for that function, and the dry cleaner, lol. I used to wash a few items in the early years when we could not afford a washing machine, but not all the time, as he would wash his clothes. No one feels cheated or deceived at all because the cards were on the table from the beginning.
Why do women always make themselves feel like the victim? Whatever happens to a woman is always the man's fault. I won't say much.
ReplyDeleteWomen need to rethink things.
The comments have rolled in and I must say the article makes sense.....
ReplyDeleteAs atiola said some pple need a dose of self esteem.
As Sykik said,you shouldn't pretend to be who you're not just to get him to marry you. If you visit him and you feel like cleaning and all,then it's cool but if you don't,relax and enjoy your stay. It is not a duty.
ReplyDeleteBut some girls can try ehn.. What will a girl be doing with a man for 11yrs?
If you change to someone else to please a man, who will then be YOU?
ReplyDeleteI wished I could turn back the years,I did the wifey thing,cooked,cleaned,but dint wash,and I even allowed the dog ease his tension with my body,some cooking were done with my money,and after each visit,he would give me like 3-5k.did that keep him,hell no,he left when he was done.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is be been wifey and shagging does not keep a man.
Advise is to be you and you and make you happy,that is the only thing that matters.
Thank God am married now,I for don go collect winch to winch him.*runsaway*
Anon 14:27: You've said it well. Be you...well except you're a pig lol.
ReplyDeleteHoneyDame: Exactly. But bia, -10 yards kwa? Behave and start prepping for marriage o. Warris wrong witchu?
Atoskin: *offers clap offering* lol. Hi5 my sister.
Gospel: "There is no point pretending to be what you're not because you will end up making life difficult for yourself trying to keep up with your fakeness"
Tizzle baybay: I kent too. Seriously, different strokes. "Man know thyself and man know thy partner" Fini.
Cherrylove: You did alla that? Oya wa gba hug. I'll put it down to experience. That guy deserves a knock though. You mean he broke up with all that domesticated hawtness? Even i could marry you for your cooking skills. Definitely his loss. Good riddance.
Here's the gospel: It is truly a thankless task if you do it for an undeserving guy. And those that demand it are the most undeserving. What I found is a guy that truly likes you and wants to impress you will clean up his own mess even before you get there, negating the need for you to get a-scrubbing" Preach sister.
Kiky: Lmao @adding yours to his pile. Nicely played. I have a thing about washing my stuff myself actually. OCD issues.
LadyNgo: Lol @ the hayle i look like cleaning up behind another grown and able-bodied adult? Just to get him to do me the favor of calling me wife material. I no fit shout (even though i've already started shouting lol). Feel free to shout biko. It's a serious enough matter.
Jemima: And that is truly all. Thanks ma'am. So after cooking up a storm, another waste of space mshew. Sha tell me where i can order another copy of your hubby biko. Help a sister out lol.
Have i ever told you that I love your name? :D
Dayor: She nailed it right? I agree.
9ja's Great: A true opinion from a male. I agree about women not knowing their worth. I think it's greatly influenced by our patriarchal society that encourages women to think less of themselves if no man has bestowed the 'MRS' title on them. Bless you man. So where can i get a copy of you please lol
Relentless Builder: Abi o. He was looking for excuses. Even if she had, he would probably still have walked. I don't like users too. Keep it moving please. Bigger nonsense.
MsJB: Love truly simplifies these things. The guy's an ass no doubt but I blame the chic too. What i don't get is this; why keep the girl hanging when you absolutely know you're not 'wifing' her? Like, be honest and tell her exactly what the deal is. I'm all for honest communication. Small time, karma will strike and they'll blame the village witch.
Adede: Hi5 girl! Dude could not even help out in church. Girl, i'm already the president of hate the Fucktard club. Ouch @ penis burning though. You mean business lol
ReplyDeleteNikkisho: Please guard those notes jealously. That's the Bible right there
Simply Me: I agree. Both parties should simply be themselves. I've missed you sha.
Atilola: Simples
Tamie: I've met those too. They get so angry when you refuse. Mshew. Earn it and watch me cater to your ass but demand it and watch me kick your ass to the curb.
Kitten: Staying true to yourself. I love.
Nutty J: Better be you than pretend. ilike too.
Sykik: Right on point. I hear you loud and clear. Always stay true.
Enkay: I totally agree. If you're 9ja Foodie, then please cook away. It is very important to refuse to be used in that manner. It's a debt you owe yourself and your self esteem.
Olufunlayo Ojo: My point exactly. Thanks for coming by. Hope to see more of you here.
My SugarSugar: *collects hand* lol. Somebory will now Mugurize me? Mba. Amen to " May God help us realize our worth and remove scales from our eyes"
Lara: Lmao. Me sef dey learn jere.
Original Mgbeke: Thanks for showing for this party. The comments are seriously giving me life. Lol @the DNA bit but i totally agree.
Aee Bonrue: You'll get three even. Here goes: GBAM! GBAM! GBAM! lol
Feyi: Amen my sister. 11 years aint beans and aint nobody gat time fo' that
Unyime-Ivy King: Thank you for the example in buttressing your point. Lol@ workaholic movement.
Harold Writes: I don't know about the "always" part of your comment really but i'm assuming you're referring to the 11years bit. You'll notice that i blamed the babe too for that disaster. I definitely agree that more women need to rethink things. Thanks for stopping by. Hope to see more of you around here.
DOHK: I'm loving the comments girl.
Becks: I totally agree. You sef ask what as per 11 years ba? I don't know o. Full on 11years kwa? I tire
Eya: I wonder too o
OSB: I don't blame you. I'll drink to the advice of doing things that make You happy. At the end of the day, it's your life and you should live it for you. Lol @Winch. Thank God you're married lol.
*ahem* my two cents
ReplyDeleteI believe a man who wants a slave will find a wife who wants to be a Slave to marry.
I didn't break my back for my husband in fact, when I visited and wanted to cook sometimes or help tidy up, he stopped me! Lol so I say different strokes men and I pray that beautiful single ladies would find men that are made for them not those that need their bathrooms cleaned!
That 11yrs relationship just breaks my heart...chai!!
ReplyDeleteI've never cleaned and scrubbed in a relationship. The circumstance has never even presented itself. You clean your space, I clean mine. End of story.
OH my I had a comment typed up and my useless internet connection just cut off and everything vamoose.
ReplyDeleteBut I love love love this post, as you can tell from the fact that I only saw it one month later - whoops.
And I can see that all the other commenters loved it as well but I no fit read all the comments. However, I over agree with CherryWine biko.
CherryWine just preached the unrefined, unadulterated gospel that man better realize that he is also being checked for Husband material.
So you live like a pig and you want a slave? On to the next one lol
Amazing post Toin
loool! soo true..
ReplyDelete