Wednesday 27 March 2013


That is according to Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England's University of Winchester and author of the provocative book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating. I got the link from someone this morning and i found it interesting. Am i delusional in thinking people can actually have happy monogamous relationships? What do you think about open sexual relationships?
According to Eric Anderson,

"Monogamy is failing men. Not only is it failing them, but it's a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that can lead to a life of anger and contempt... Cheating, however, serves men pretty well. An undiscovered affair allows them to keep their relationship and emotional intimacy, and even if they're busted it's a lot easier than admitting that they wanted to screw someone else in the first place, he writes. In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner." Contrary to what we may think, most men aren't cheating because they don't love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn't pooh-pooh that.
Monogamy's stronghold on our beliefs -- what he calls monogamism -- brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries. That doesn't make sense to Anderson, who wonders why we stigmatize someone who has a fling more than couples who divorce -- throwing away a marriage rich in history and love, upsetting their kids' lives -- over something like sex. Monogamy isn't the only "proper" way to be in a relationship, and he says it's time that society finds "multiple forms of acceptable sexual relationship types -- including sexually open relationships -- that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony." It's especially important for today's young men, for whom monogamous sex seems more boring than in generations past because of easy premarital sex and pornography."

You can read the rest of the post here

I'll keep the rest of my opinions to myself for now but please my people, lets discuss this. I'm especially interested in what guys have to say about this.

Kisses and i'll be back

Friday 15 March 2013


*dodges shoes thrown by Sykik and Dayor*
A lot of people entered for the give-away so i decided to up my game by increasing the gifts. I now have 2 lucky winners for each gift making 6 winners in all. I picked the winners randomly using the I had to categorise all the entries by the gift people wanted.
The winners for The Thing Around Your Neck are: Cherrywine and Lue
The winners for Half of a Yellow Sun are: Prism and Simply Me
The winners for 1500 credit are: Ay and Sykik (i would have bought another copy of one of the books if Sykik's name didn't come up. *wipes brow* this woman, your jazzman dey try o)

The answer to the questions
Ivy's questions: what's your real name? Are you in Naija? What's your singular motivation for writing? My name is Toinlicious Toin *side eyes*, I am in Nigeria and my motivation for writing is basically my need to express myself and this is the best way I know how. I usually need to feel something to write, whether love, joy, anger etc.

OSB's questions (So which of my friend is this? Come reveal yasef o)? What inspires you generally? Many things inspire me. Sometimes something as simple as a dimple or a child's smile.
What do you want to be known for? The person who lived life, laughed, loved and inspired people to do same.
What other career path would you have chosen? Rock star baybay! Honestly, i would have
been a pop culture/entertainment fiend.
How do you manage to combine seriousness with un-seriousness to make fun? I never take myself too seriously and i love laughing. Life is too short to take yourself seriously. I love to find the humour in everything. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
Why are you a lazy blogger sometimes? #Sigh. If i could be here 24/7 and get paid, i would but life happens and i have to comply *kicks bucket in anger*
Finally for now, who is the naughtiest of your blogger friends? *wipes brow* Hmn, naughtiest blogger, i can't categorically say for now because i can't say one person and my oga at the top will say another.

Dayor's question: Have you ever thought/ do you ever think of being a comedian? Erm, i haven't. I don't think i'm thaaaat hilarious. My life is just always drama-filled *mock-tears*
Tomi's question: Why are you hiding your pretty face from us? Just because i don't wana complex anyone *wink* Shay you want me to totally expose my semi-anon state ni?
Ritty's question: Do you like Tonto Dikeh? (ok, weird question) I'm not a fan of Tonto but i like her confidence. I find her very amusing.
Mancee didn't ask any question. I'm pretty sure of that :D

Congratulations to the winners. For the book winners, please send your postal address to and  the airtime winners, please let me know the network you want. Thanks to everyone for participating.