DOUBLE TROUBLE

So I'm back, I'm here, I'm taking over. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm as clean as ever...

 

These are not my nieces but they could be. If only twins stayed this way. But no, they'll destroy your stuff and talk back. Sigh

I just went back a couple of decades with that song. My old-age is showing; let me tuck it in properly. So how have you all been. I didn't want to leave 2015 without posting something this December so let's see, who shall I blog about....

So, let me gist you about my twin nieces; Tim and Kim. Those girls are 4 going on 30! Double Trouble is what I call them. They are way too smart and sassy but I love them. I have another one who has been re-named Benadryl by HoneyDame (don't ask!) who climbs everything with such passion. I would share pictures but my brother would kill me so I'll save them for now. I might share later though.

This could easily be Benadryl

Or this

So back to the twins. I think they should get a reality show of their own. Things those kids say make me go O_O.

Chronicles of Prim and her twin daughters

Take One

Tim: Mummy I want pissa (pizza), I want pissa, I want pissa (in a whining voice)

Prim: Tim, if you say that one more time I'll park this car and come round and flog you.

30seconds later

Kim: Mummy, what "park" mean?

Prim: It means I'll stop the car

Kim: Right here mummy? and then we stay here? forever and ever? on the roadside?

Prim: (in my head) girl shut up. I'm trying to instill discipline here

Take Two 

Prim: Bo aso e Kim, what does that mean Kim?

Kim: Hum remove your clothes

Prim: Wow how did you know that?

Kim: By thinking

Take Three

Tim: (crying) mummy I bit my tongue

Prim: Sorry baby, how did that happen

Tim: I used my teeth

Take Four

Kim: I want bread and butter to take to school for lunch

Prim: Do your class mates bring bread and butter to school?

Kim: No

Prim: No, you can't take bread and butter to school

Kim: But Mommy, nobody brings dodo too (like, what's your point mommy)

Kim is the ultimate Diva. All she wants now is to be 5years old. She thinks 5 means adulthood. She tells Tim all the time that if she doesn't eat well, she'll stay 4 looool.

So when I say I don't want twins, I know what I'm saying. I'd rather one trouble at a time. Double trouble ain't my thing.

Kids have been so irresistible to me lately though. I just love their innocence. Too adorable. My ovaries have been jumping upandan anyhow but all I need to calm them is to remember something my nieces say or do and I'm all fixed lol.

Hope you guys are preparing for an amazing Xmas. I have no plans yet so if you don't mind feeding me on Christmas, holler!

It has been a really long year but I'll be back soon :)

DEAR SANTA

 Hey people. Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Love you guys muchos. Today i am featuring a fellow almost-passive blogger who i find very eccentric. His name is IK and you can find him here although he hasn't been updating for a while. Anyway, he wrote this letter to Santa last year and i wanted to share it.

Dear Santa,

It’s funny how it’s only this time of the year you become relevant, I mean, I never ever think of you through out the whole year. Maybe it because for some reasons in the last 10 years I haven’t gotten a gift from you, now why is that? You definitely can’t say I haven’t been good these past years. Or is it because we moved and no longer live on the top floor, and our house doesn’t have a chimney? How do you ever fit into chimneys with your excess fat and sagging stomach, haven’t you heard of something called a gym? I mean you go around carrying your big fat belly around encouraging fathers that it looks cool. I guess you also drink too much beer that’s why, so which is your brand? Star, 33, Gulder? Naa you look like a Heineken man. Do me a favour, go hit the gym and while you’re at it, stop at the barbers place. They just might mistake you for a terrorist climbing people’s roofs #justsaying

I left the doors open last year hoping you’ll think it wise not to pass my house by since I don’t have a chimney, but I guess the excess fat’s getting your brains clogged. (No offense). Or could it be because the last time you landed Rudolf and the other reindeer (never figured out their names) on the roof, my neighbours saw it as an opportunity for free Christmas game kill and tried out their stoning practice on the deers hoping for free meat? Poor Rudolf! One would think that by now you’d have caught up with the 21st century and bought yourself a cool set of wheels. And quit messing up peoples roofing sheets, you do realise people in Nigeria/Ibadan use zinc right? I mean, it gets really noisy when you land, you practically wake the whole neighbourhood, which gives up your position and once again you become target practice.

Rumour has it that traps have been set for you on roofs and instead of stones like the last time, security men have been equipped with hunting rifles, its tagged “operation shoot to kill”, and who ever gets to kill or trap Rudolf gets his red nose and head.
So I advice you try the wheels. Don’t go for low cars, try the SUV’s or Sienna, they have enough room for you and the gifts. Hey I could even hook you up with a good deal. If you’re game you know how to find me.

Speaking of gifts, you really do owe me all these lost years and have to make up, also I’m going out here risking my neck by telling you the plans they have for your deer and saving your red behind so you really need to step up and show me some attic love. My list it really isn’t much just the basic;

1st of all I need a bb, not blue band I mean a black berry. I’m sick of chicks asking me for a pin and I’m running out of lines to tell them. BB bold 9700
2. An Ipad Wi-Fi 16GB tablet
3. Zune
4. Skate board…….i don’t know how too, but would be cool to carry one in my back pack.
5. Nikon D5000 digital camera
6. TAG Heuer or a Casio G- shock
7. PS 3 and make sure it comes with Call of Duty: Black Ops game
8. A date with Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj
9. A new wardrobe, with all the basics and essentials
Finally my last gift is for you…..buy a clipper for me but you can keep it, you need it more than I do. And make sure you use it; you need a serious total make over, probably should try a Mohawk or weave. Don’t you watch E! TV or The Style Network? You need to go watch them, start with TSN, watch “How Do I Look”, and then get some style tips from E! Lose that big fluffy red and white costume you wear and replace it with a suit. Trust me you’ll look more like an entrepreneur/CEO than some weirdo climbing into people’s house to toy with kids. You just might beat Brad Pitt to the father of the year award if you take my advice.

Anyway don’t say I never wrote you this year and didn’t show you love, once again my house would be the only one without a zinc roof and with the generator on, not expecting PHCN to be nice that day. Would put a sign board for you just in case and the spare house key is under the mat. So you don’t have an excuse for miss my house.
Don’t forget, gym, change your wardrobe, wheels, salon, and please quit the way you laugh, kids now know the slang word whore, so when you go HOHOHOHOHO, it sound pretty much like whorewhorewhore…….lol, sorry had to add that, really funny joke I heard.

Merry Christmas Santa, would be on the look out for you on the eve of Christmas.