LOVE FOUND ME!!!

Oh lord!

Hey lovelies. Happy New Month and Happy Monday :D. First things first: I miss Beautiful! :( 

I want to start this week off right so I decided to be a good girl and shake something. Shout out to Lily for giving me the versatile blogger award. Thanks girl. I've done some before here, here, here and here and you can check up more stuff about me here and here too. Oh wow! I've revealed a lot about me though #VeteranBlogger lol. I also got interviewed by the the lovely Sophie. Check it out here.

There's plenty gist but let's start with the weird shall we? I think I got myself a stalker. Listen, I promise it's not my fault. Honest. You remember Adam from this post, right? Go catch up if you haven't read that. Apparently, Adam and McCrazy should be twins (although McCrazy is older than me). Anyway, let me gist you how we got here. I went to see a movie with a friend and met this dude, I've named him McCrazy. He seemed harmless enough. I know never to judge a book by its cover, I swear I know that but he seemed cool. We had good conversation so we swapped numbers. Dude calls me the following day, we talked for a bit and I mention I was going to have an extremely busy weekend. Fast forward to the weekend and McCrazy leaves me several missed calls. I was mildly pissed. I mean, I legit mentioned I was going to be busy so if you wanna act cute, SMS and ask if I'm not too stressed or something. Anyway, I eventually pick his call and he goes "why are you not picking my calls?" Slowpokes.com leleyi. Ko fe gboran lero. Until you buy me a phone and pay my phone bills, please do not ask me why I am not picking your calls. After that episode, he chilled and continued calling, occasionally leaving me a few missed calls. Cute ba? Not really.

So this fateful Monday morning, while I was chasing sleep from my eyes, I saw guy calling but I ignored it. Laaro kutu kutu ojo aje (early Monday morning). After calling a few times, I sent him a message that it was a little too early. He didn't stop. McCrazy legit gave me 87 missed calls at 7:05 and 9 more. Someone do the calculation for me please. On a Monday morning; all before 8am!! I kid you not.

Dude is crazy #Simples. I eventually sent an SMS telling him to lose my number asap. Dude had the nerve to ask if I meant that day because I was busy but I replied with: No. Forever and ever. Now let me state categorically that this happened in less than 2weeks after I met him. So I have jejely put his number on silent so when he calls, my phone doesn't ring out. Dude is either retarded or persistent, both very creepy and scary. Thank God I didn't mention where I work *shudder* So now, he calls almost every day and sends messages too. I will continue to ignore his calls because I do not want to end up being locked up in a wardrobe with calabash on my head forever or till a Soka-like discovery is made. Yes, Africa Magic Yoruba has messed with me.

This is all John Legend's fault. Dude is still messing around with Christy Teigan #BeefAlert. I mean look:

#HaterAlert #SomeoneHasToTakeTheBlame #EverylyCrush Urrggg, they're so hot for each other, it's disgusting. She apparently is rocking my bae's world *rolls eyes* breathe Toin, breathe.

Where was I even?

En en, as I was saying, so advise this not-so-confused girl in 2 paragraphs or less what should be done. You better not say pick his calls before I pray for all your baes to turn out like him! Eezz nor a funny something. Seriously though, do you know any number blocking app? I use a BB10. In the meantime, how was Valentime? I know how Cherry's went though lool.

This post was supposed to end with the previous paragraph but he called me with a strange number and used God to beg so I won't drop the call. I listened and the first thing dude said was can I believe he was sick for almost a month when I stopped picking his calls lmao. kill me now! I said, naa, he must have had malaria parasites in his body way before he met me & dropped the call. Ema womi n'iran o

So yea, I got me a stalker. "Love" found me but I'm running from this one #FML

HD, Coy and Parols, please stay away from commenting, teinks. You too Single Nigerian *major side eyes at y'all*

P.S: All the spammers that leave weird random messages like in the picture below make me laugh. I do not want anyone man/woman running after me or tied to me forever. I mean really? A McCrazy for life??? Biko, Mba.

Kisses

I'll be back soon

PROPOSALS (PART 2): IT’S COUGAR TOWN

Photo Source: Google Images

Thank you all for your insightful tips on motherhood and discipline. My scared level has dropped and i feel like whenever the time comes, it won't be so bad with all the wealth of knowledge i will be getting from you guys. *hugs*. Now to the concluding part of my gist. If you missed part 1, please check here. So i attended a friend’s wedding and it was a mini-reunion of sorts. I got a fake proposal from a wacky friend with a wacky ring and it was so hilarious. It almost made me forget about the painful 20k Aso Ebi that I had buy for that wedding (post for another day) Now, all my friends and family listen up, when/if i get married, I MUST get a Car/House from all of you people I have invested in your wedding in the form of Aso Ebi o. I don’t know why anybody will give me Aso Ebi for 20k to be on her train. I know she didn’t force me but she wasn’t someone I could refuse. She actually begged and she’s nice so I couldn’t say no. Prim-not attended a wedding who’s Aso Ebi was also 20k and she was not offered water let alone gift. At least I got a very nicely packaged gift so I will be shutting up right about now.

Back to the main gist of today, i was chilling at the engagement ceremony with 5 of my friends and those ones were dancing like dance was going into extinction. Initially we were playing catch-up and refusing to dance because the bride already warned us not to ‘out-dance’ her but as soon as serious music started, grooving started. These girls were digging it in heels; some Beyonce-type ish. I just respected myself and was cheering them on and snapping. It was then i noticed this young looking tall and slim dude staring at moi. For the purpose of this post, we shall call him Adam.

He came to chit chat with one of my friends who discovered he was related to the groom. When Adam asked my friend for my number, the sensible thing would have been to say ‘no’ or ‘ask her yourself’ ba? My crazy friend apparently thought since I was single, it was cool to hook me up with random strangers (who could be serial killers God forbid) so she gave him my number. Or maybe she was high from all the food and dance. She later told me what she did and after having the “No!”/”Yes” “You did not”/“Yes I did” conversation, we chilled and continued enjoying the party. There couldn’t be much harm in giving out a number, could there, right? Wrong!

After the party, Adam started calling me. Initially I didn’t think anything of it until i started seeing 20 missed calls! Shuo! What for? By Sunday afternoon, the calls were beginning to irritate me and i was ready to kill my friend who did this to me. Then Adam called on Sunday evening and said he had a question he wanted to ask me.

Adam: I really like you and I would like to date you. I think it’s love at first sight for me.

Me: (shocked look and eyes bulging like saucers. No! He didn’t just use that line!) er, what did you say?

Adam: I said I want to date you.

In my head :!@#$%^&*:> %^#!^@&**^#&^&^!!!??

Me: (in a deceptively calm voice) I honestly don’t think that would work. How old are you Adam?

Adam: I’m 20.

In my head: Cougar cougar cougar cougar Cradle snatcher cradle snatcher

Me to my head: Shut up and let me think!

Me: Adam, I’m 30 (I’m not 30 by the way, just wanted to scare him off)

Adam: Age is just a number.

Me: (oh no no! He didn’t just use another line!)

So I rambled, told him I had to attend to something and got off the phone. I called Prim immediately and she laughed so hard and asked if I didn’t remember Jumping The Broom. Smh. I told her Lil Romeo is cute and totally worth going to jail for. So I ping Mo (my bestie) and give her the gist and she asked if I had forgotten How Stella Got Her Groove Back. What is wrong with these people and movies anyway?

Adam called back and I gently explained how it could not work for me (Do you guys believe in love at first sight?) He says we can be friends but he won’t stop asking and I smile. After that episode, he made it a habit to consistently call so I told him to relax on the calls. When i noticed he still called like he was obssessed, I put his number on ‘Silent’ (I miss Nokia so much. I would have blocked his line outright) After ignoring his calls for a while, he called with a strange number and I picked. The 1^st thing he said was, “why are you not picking your calls?” Warrahel? Er, until you sugar buy me a sugar phone, you do not sugar have the sugar right to sugar query me about what sugar calls I sugar pick or sugar ignore. (Now taking deep breaths and slowly counting 1-10). You should probably replace ‘sugar’ with the appropriate expletive. That however wasn’t my reply but it was absolutely what I wanted to say. So I calmly answer that I get busy during the day bla bla. He made small talk but I told him I was tired so he got off the phone. At this rate, i might have to produce a low budget movie titled Deliver me from Adam.

Now, sometimes when he calls, i pick and I don’t say a word (I know that’s mean but I need to get him off my case) so he has resorted to SMS which I keep ignoring. Check some out below:

May God who made dis day continue 2 shawer his blesns upon u,may he fil ur heart wt joy&hapines of d day,abv all may he grant u more beautiful day's! Gudmorn. Hw was ur 9yt. Aww, cute right? Keep reading.

Bed time is nt only wen u sleep,bt a time dat u think of does dat u really luv nd cherish.dis is my bedtime nd u're remebered, hav a pleasant 9t rest. Still cute huh? Keep going.

May ds cool 9yt bring u as beauty as a garden ful of rose&inspire hope 4 ur dream,wishn u a fabuloures sleep.gud9yt! Typological errors could happen to anyone right? Ok.

I can see ur smile fading, i can hear ur voice crack. You may not be near but u know i got ur back. Let me be ur friend who'll wipe ur tears away. Eh! See lyrical curse?! Gbogbo ara ile yin smile won ma fade! Thunder fire you.

Y u don't went to pek my call Y jus till me den i wil  no. I haf die finish. Ogini? Not so cute anymore abi?

Evryday u alwaz on my hrt,i 1dr hw God work's in a miraculus way,ur identical wht d angel i saw in my dream last 9yt.gudmorn hop d wedar is nt 2 cold. No words anymore. Non.

Thankfully, he has stopped stressing and the Universe has gone back to normal but he still calls from time to time. And that is the end of my creepy propositions story. Now, don’t go lecturing me about how age is a number and I should give him a chance o, en en because this is just too much drama and I am not a baby sitter. All this boy needs to do is grow up. Muah, love you guys muchos and I’ll be back.

PROPOSALS (PART 1)

My amazing people of blogsville, Honeydame, Luscious Lue and Oroque, it is either I have suddenly become sizzling hawt or something is wrong with the universe. After that 9ja great’s sorta proposal to my last post, why would I wana settle for anything less? Cos "less" is what i've been kinda getting lately o. Anyways, just bring the ring already @9ja great. Muah. Ginger, please leme know if you still want the cream#wink

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It was after one of those stressful days at work. All I was dreaming of was a hold-up free ride so I could get home asap, take a bath and devour hot Amala in that order. The police decided to stop us at one of their check-points and they were asking for papers. My face, which always had a smile, was too tired so a smirk was all I could manage. One of the police guys was staring at me and smiling. He appeared to be in his late twenties. I just carried my face, yeye sombory. I was irritated because I was too tired besides, these police people have mastered the art of time-wasting.  I was just praying for them to find whatever they were looking for so we could be on our way. They kept going back and forth amongst themselves while my dad sat in the car, cool as a cucumber. After going back and forth for a while, the one that was smiling and staring came to the passenger door and slipped a piece of paper into the car. With a confused look, i quickly looked down and about the same time, they were telling us to go that we were cleared. (Before nko, long hiss) That was when I picked the paper and checked it. Below was the message scribbled on it.

Hi,
My name is olanrewaju. Plz I like to know you beta. 0803253510*

Mi daran (meaning: I’m in trouble) Just like that? Did an Olopa just make a pass at me? Make I call am be that abi? Is it just me or do babes actually respond to this kinda thing? Or am I over reacting? Anyways, that was the first one.

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You know how, when you wake up and you reach for your phone to check for messages and immediately feel ashamed because you haven’t prayed so you drop the phone and you pray? No? Hasn’t happened to you? Me neither. Anyways, after I prayed, I saw this facebook message notification so I checked it.  It reminded me so much of those letters we used to write in high school. “Hope the sun is shinning and the rain is showering on your roofs. If so, doxology” U never wrote those kinda letters? Yea, me neither. (Straight face) I see you Prim! Stop smiling! Anyways, this was the jaw-dropping message I found (copy and paste o)

Hello Beautiful,

How are you doing? I hope that life has been treating you so well. It is a very nice opportunity or rather I must say that it is a surprising thing that my attention was caught by this your nice and wonderful profile.

As I was browsing through this site, I really felt interesting on how you narrate your profile. Your pictures motivated me and even moved me to think more about relationship and all the good things that come with it. After going through your educative and fantastic profile I realize and also come to a final conclusion that you’re a very nice lady that has the epitome of knowledge which every average man most like to associate with.

That is why I sent you this message so that maybe we can be able to know each other well and discover some certain good things about each other.

Please feel free to reply my message. My BB pin number is 2201c1c* if you're on a Blackberry services

Thanks for paying attention and for your understanding.

Have a great week.

Yomi

Egbami o (save me o!). With bb pin sef. I mean, I know I’m not scary-looking or anything, but I had to check myself again like, who? Me? Really? I just laughed and ignored the message only for Mr. Yomi to send me another message in the evening.

G'evening beautiful,

i hope you didn't think i messaged you for fun of it or something or my chats with you were mere pranks. Well, there are lots i seen to make me conclude having a wonderful relationship with u. however i would not just want to be mere friends with you, but more. I would want you to take your time to get to know each other well and decide. You're quite beautiful and would not take you for granted. Please tell me more about yourself?

I would love to get to know you beautiful and more.

#drops dead (Now slowly getting back up and wide eyed) To think someone, sat down (or stood up) to compose this sorta message. Why? Why? But why? I mean, when fb started, these sorta messages were common and all but fb has kinda settled since then. I tend to just ignore these kinda messages though but I just had to share this with my blogsville people so y’all can learn English and lerra composition. Hihihi. I say no be only my eyes go see am.

On the same day, another Emmanuel sombory sent me a message:

Nice to meet u. Facebook sent ur name to me asking if i know u. i think we can be friends isnt it. im a single guy. im in lekki. tell me about u too.

See me see long thing. Tell facebook ur not interested na. abi just ignore. That’s what the rest of us do na! As if that was not enough, I now went for wedding that weekend and a particular sombory decided I was Cougar material. That is coming up in my very next post. Stay tuned. (I sound like NTA Ibadan network centre) hehehe. Love y’all. Muah.