WHAT TITLE DO I GIVE THIS POST?

Hey people. My weekend was supposed to be quiet but it turned out more fun than I hoped.
1) So I kinda sorta maybe lost a friend over the weekend. No, the person's not dead but I think our friendship is. It was drama filled & juicy. I wish I could share here but I can't. You people would have said Toin has come again lol. We were getting along pretty well but the person took something I said too seriously. I sincerely groveled apologised & tried to make peace (valuing friendships & taking the high road ish) but...

2) As bubbly as I am, I can also be maddeningly calm (is that even a word? Wole Soyinka berra watch out for me lol) I think I'm obsessed with making peace. Is that a bad thing? I hope not.

A conversation between Prim & 1.

3) Prim: U know u get craze small

Toin: I know but my craze still dey bearable

Prim: Who tell u dat. We no get choice ni hehe. Y u think we dey always wan sell or trade u?

Toin: (light bulb moment) en en! Me? Sister dearest?

I don't like Prim very much at the moment :) *sideye*

 4) Another friend gave me a card just because. How sweet is that? I'm awesome (ok maybe not always but I try) #trumpetblowinginprogress. I love cards & I used to buy them for no reason. It still trips me when I get them & I appreciate it. Xoxo TC

So we kinda got robbed.

Yea, by thieves...

Ransacked more like actually. No one was home & these people used no less than 2hours up-turning every nook & cranny of the house. When I say every nook, I mean mirco-wave and Danish cookie jar inclusive lol.  They were apparently looking for money & handy stuff. I know this is in no way funny but couldn't stop laughing. I found the whole episode hilarious & maybe it's mild PTSD. Anyway, i felt bad for them. Such waste of time. If I know them, I would probably offer them 10k for their trouble. They upturned everywhere. My old books & stuff I thought I threw away/burned. I pity my mama 'cos she’s going to be arranging till kingdom come.

And can you believe these people refused to touch my expensive fashion accessories? Are they trying to say i'm cheap? *flips ghana weave* The nerve!! *bb-angry-face* You see that Opia (no idea who they are by the way) silver bangles? It's all of £1 in Primark! Odidi £1 & they did not have the common sense to steal it *rollingeyes*. And my beads? Fashion Earings? Books? And tissue? I mean, what sorta thief doesn't need tissue or read books? *scoffs* Anyroad, imma keep rocking my Expensive (yea expensive. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it) stuff like that.

Stuff were strewn everywhere. They (probably in anger) tore the net in my room (the part facing the courtyard) making it easy for mosquitoes to swarm in but God pass them. Na to vacate the room (it's been fixed so i'm back there). I am however grateful nothing much was stolen. They got a few things including my lovely purple wristwatch that i got last December *bawling* but I'll be fine *snif* Mo can testify that I love me that wristwatch. I can't do purple combination anymore unless someone blesses me with another or those shoes that i named 'Toin'.

I didn't sleep too well that night. I kept waking up almost every hour but I'm good now. It's unsettling to know someone invaded your privacy and went through your stuff in your absence. Thank God it was during the day so no one got hurt.

And, Che is back!!!

This is so random. I'll be back. Love you muchos *muah*

I DON’T LIKE MY MOM

…I adore her.

Do you remember my crazy aunt? Well today, I'm dedicating this post to her sister; my mama. Can I get a whoohoo! My mom is an interesting woman and by interesting, I mean crazy sweet! She’s cool, loves to dance, tres funny and there is never a dull moment with her. We (the kids) joke that she’s a detective. She doesn’t ask about stuff, she usually just “knows” them. I swear she has some freaky telepathic skills. She’s emotional but also the strongest woman I know. My mom is one of those people that you know will walk on hot coals to get you what you need even if she doesn’t know you from Adam. She can be mean…oh, yes, very mean but she is also incredibly sweet. Growing up, i didn’t like her (never mind that I was very naughty interesting, only that my idea of interesting wasn't same as hers #shrugs) It took us about 15years to finally bond. Something major happened and it brought us close and made me understand her. Took us a while but we're there. She’s still stubborn but I won't have her any other way. Although we are like peas in a pod, we still fight like crazy because we alike in many ways.

My mom is incredibly restless with truckloads of energy. She grabs a broom to sweep & I raise my legs. Rude right? I know but what’s the use of collecting the broom from her to help when I know she'll be re-sweeping the same place in 2secs flat? So you see. And most times we have 2 house-helps but my mom is always busy doing something in the house and after exhausting herself, she'll go "o ti remi" (I’m tired) smh.

My mother is hip. Very hip. Too hip for my liking sometimes. When i was a teenager, she used to buy me Hints and Hearts magazines. I love that I can gist with her about practically anything. She loves F.r.i.e.n.d.s (her fav is Rachael), Desperate Housewives, Grey’s anatomy, Mentalist, Africa Magic, Big brother Africa, Style Network, E! and all of that. She knows Mcdreamy, Kim K, Beyonce, Lady gaga, Will Smith, Jada (she was the one that told me about their rumoured break-up)...you get the drift. She thinks Darey is hot (her words O_O) and all other creepy 21st century stuff. I know I might have influenced her a little but I promise this is not all me because, one, you really can't make my mom do what she doesn't want to do and two, even though I adore his voice, i don’t think Darey’s that hot (please don’t bite me). I sometimes wish she was like most moms who fall asleep while watching News or something. When I got all 10 seasons of F.r.i.e.n.d.s, she would complain about how the studio laugh turned her off the show. By the time I got to season 3, she would tell me to allow her finish whatever she was doing before watching. We were like 2kids with our favourite guilty pleasure. It was hilarious to watch how she'll hurry & balance in front of the TV and go "oya" lol.

During the holidays, when we were teenagers, my mom would scream for us to wake up every morning which wasn’t fun at all considering all we wanted to do was sleep till the food was ready or something. Anyways, we usually ignored her until she found a very effective way to wake us up. My mom would come into the room and touch our boobs. That always worked like magic. lol

She’s begging me at the moment not to share this story but I’m ‘un-bribable’ at this point lol. One evening, she complained that she felt someone had cheated her. She went to a friend’s shop and a lady who sells stuff in bulk came so she bought something from her. She usually buys in bulk but she just decided to buy one from her. She apparently forgot how much she bought the stuff the last time she did but when she asked the lady how much it was, she suspected the lady inflated the price. She however told the lady that i sent her so if I complained, she was going to return it. The lady agreed and she paid. When she got home, she compared it to the packs at home and discovered it was the same. She then told my sister (Prim) and I what happened. We opened the stuff and it tasted same. Apparently, she was shortchanged for about N200. We just told her not to worry about since it was just N200 but unknown to us, she had other plans.

The following day, my mom went back to where she usually buys in bulk; got the stuff for less, took it to her friend’s shop and requested for the lady. When the lady appeared, she returned the stuff (with the new one she bought) and told the lady that I didn’t like that particular flavor so she was refunded. And that is my mama y’all. No dulling at all. lol

My mom is a book worm and i guess she passed that on to me. She had stacks of books so when my hunger for books started; I had enough to fix my addiction. About two years ago, a friend wrote a book and I took it home. My mother collected it and read it in 24hours, even before I did. She’s amazing. She’ll probably never read this (unless it gets into a book of course) but I’d like to say this, I may not like you all the time but remember that I love you always. Thanks mom, for being the absolute best and for giving me the gift of life. To those who have lost theirs, I’m sure they’re in a better place and watching over us.

Happy mother’s day everyone.

P.S: I wrote this Yesterday.

THE BARBIE BEAUTY MYTH

Photo Source: Google Images

I worked on a paper titled The Portrayal of Women in Magazine Advertisements and it's been on my mind to share a few things about it here so here goes. Women (and men) come in an endless array of shapes and sizes, but one would never know it from looking at adverts. “Physically attractive” and “sexually desirable” is almost synonymous with “flawless” and “thin.” Men are usually portrayed with perfect six packs abs while women are shown as slender which is a stark contrast to the rounder curves of most women’s bodies. The current ‘beauty ideal’ smiles at us from the pages of Vogue or Glamour magazine. She is a seventeen-year old professional model, weighing just 120 pounds on a slim 5‘10” frame. Her teeth is pearly white, she has no wrinkles, blemishes or even pores. This flawlessness is, in fact, an illusion created by makeup artists, photographers and photo retouchers (Hello Photoshop).

http://www.popeater.com/2009/08/07/kelly-clarkson-slim-photoshopped-self-magazine-2009-cover/

Most of the images we see in the media have been nipped and tucked, trimmed and filled out, flattened and rounded, down to the last detail. In the end, we see a reflection of someone not even the model can claim as her own. Botox, fake tan, color contact lenses, hair extensions, boob jobs, the list is endless. The problem is, that standard is unattainable, even for those held up as examples. Each image is meticulously worked over: teeth and eyeballs are bleached white; blemishes, wrinkles, and stray hairs are airbrushed away. In some cases, a picture is actually a combination of body parts of several different models; a mouth from this one, arms from that one, and legs from a third. Since the media molds expectations, opinions, and attitudes; the audience of these adverts may accept the way women are depicted as reality.

http://www.frankwbaker.com/isbmag.htm

It is one thing to live up to a certain standard and quite another to try to live up to somebody else’s fantasy. The overwhelming presence of media images of painfully thin and flawless women means that real women’s bodies have become invisible in the mass media. The real tragedy is that many women internalize these stereotypes, and judge themselves by the beauty industry’s standards that are too unrealistic in its flawlessness. As an adaptation to the physical demands of childbearing, women’s bodies typically have a fat content of around 25 percent, as opposed to 15 percent in men. Fattening, which in some African cultures is perceived to bring out the best in the African woman is almost a taboo. In the Eastern part of Nigeria, some tribes send bride-to-be’s to the “fattening room” before the wedding to make sure the bride looks well fed and healthy for her wedding. The world has however shrunk cultural borders with the rapid growth in social media where brands are sold worldwide. Global advertising campaigns that display ‘Beauty Myth’ type models are produced and the western ideal of beauty held up as evidence of beauty is the thin, long legged, long neck, long finger-nails, long free flowing hair (Brazilian anyone?)

http://10steps.sg/inspirations/artworks/40-cool-before-and-after-photo-retouching-photos/

It is disturbing that media images of female beauty are unattainable for all but a very small number of women (less than 5%) consequently; many women are dissatisfied with their seemingly imperfect selves when they compare their reality with the airbrushed perfection. It is really sad that are there sensitive/impressionable young girls with self esteem issues that are magnified significantly by the fake perfection that is shoved down our throats via airbrushed ads, magazines, catalogs, TV shows, movies, billboards, etc. The adverse consequences from feelings of insecurity and body dissatisfaction include eating disorders, low self esteem, unnecessary, expensive, and painful plastic surgery, depression and all can lead to death.

Thankfully, there have been some moves to buck this trend. There is a Dove Campaign for Real Beauty launched by Dove which was established to inspire and educate females about a wider definition of beauty. The Campaign Fund continues to create thought-provoking adverts and confidence-building programs that embrace all definitions of beauty. Tyra Banks’ also launched campaign called “So What?” to promote positive body images for women and eradicate low self-esteem. This was in response to a magazine article that called her “fat”. Thankfully, curvier/fuller figured celebrities and models like Tyra Banks, Eva Mendes, Octavia Spencer, Amber Rose, Heidi Klum, and Kim Kardashian, are being acknowledged for their beauty. Even Nigerian magazines such as Glam and Essence and Genevieve now feature various sizes of women.

http://10steps.sg/inspirations/artworks/40-cool-before-and-after-photo-retouching-photos/

You can work out to keep fit and maintain a good Body Mass Index (BMI) but please do not obsess. We may not have control over what and how the media decides to represent us, but we certainly have the power to change how we act. Until adverts depict women in more realistic ways, women will persistently measure themselves against non-existent and unattainable standards of beauty. And until we embrace reality, women will continue to seek commercial remedies for imaginary flaws. It is up to the women in particular and society at large, to think more critically when they look at that Victoria's Secret spread and less critically when they look in the mirror.

http://10steps.sg/inspirations/artworks/40-cool-before-and-after-photo-retouching-photos/

I would totally *cough* do prefer the before in the above picture than the after (i had to save the best for last hehe. You're welcome ladies). You can view some of the pictures here, here, here and here. Some of the changes i find unnecessary. Check out this Dove advert too.

MAKE IT TWO THOUSAND

Hey lurvlies. A lot has been happening in my hood lately but I had to do this pictures post first then I’ll be back with gist, serious issues and gossips. I swear, I had it in mind before Oroque did his. (I think the guy’s psychic or maybe it’s the twin thing going on) Anyways, enjoy.

First of, i can't believe i missed this program. (grabs head in mock-horror) I wonder when the March special will hold (tongue in cheek)

         Baby ask them, how much is the chips if we bring our chicken...

                                         Honeydame please show yourself lol

.
                         Choi, David Evans don vex. Na simple proposal na (tongue still in cheek)

                                         Honestly, i'm still waiting

                                                         
                                         Need i say more?

 I definitely do not Mod. Destiny YNC, do you? Ginger you nko? Relentless? Che? Lue? Pet? Coy? MsNana? 9jas Great? Didi? UG? Crazylife? Miss.fab? Mike? DOHK? Seriously, none of you? Smh

                                                
                                           Life was definitely less complicated

                              You have to understand Yoruba to get this. Yoruba can be mean :-)

                                                   
                                          What do you think?

                                       
                                         Whatever mehn :-)

                                         Well...

Have an awesome day as you prepare for the weekend. I'll be back soon.

LETS RANDOM

Yea, i know lol

My brother in-law made that. Future husband please take note. Thank you lol (a girl can dream right)

So 5weeks of sleep was bliss (did I just rhyme? ok now) I read a lot of books and saw lots of movies (before nko). I almost didn’t forgive my bil for making me watch “Sucker Punch”, but the image of his culinary skills melted my beef. It didn’t help that I saw “I do, I did” and “500 days of Summer” on the same night. To think I didn't sleep until 4am just because of these terrible movies and do you know what was worse? I could not rant at anyone because everyone else was sleeping! Something I should have been doing myself. That morning, my 1 year old niece promptly woke me up at 6am.

Angel: (do not let the pet name fool you, that child is totally mini-me) Antoin (that’s me in case you’re wondering), wake up. Shand up. Open e door. Leggo oushide.

And I dare not go back to the room to sleep. SMH. Things we do for love. I actually enjoyed playing ‘mommy’ to my nieces although they are such a handful. I totally understand the reason Prim-Not is slim. I miss them so much already. By the way, I had no idea kids consumed that much tea. Darn!

So i started my reading with An Echo in the Darkness by Francine Rivers. That was my Xmas present to me. Someone gave me A Voice in the Wind and I desperately wanted to know what happened to Hadassah. The big book of Ifs 123 by Evelyn McFarlane & James Saywell is another amazing and thought provoking book that I came across. The book made me THINK. I’m going to be asking some questions from that book and I hope you can honestly answer them.

I am currently on Jackie Collins’ Poor Little Bitch Girl. I loved the Santangelo series but I hadn’t read Jackie in ages. This brings me to the story of one of my new found friends. He saw me with the book and mentioned that he had not read novels in over a decade. We were chatting much later about the wonder of books and he sent me this:

O_O James Hardley Chase? Romance? Ok o

In a totally unrelated matter, is it weird that I’m following Kola Boof on twitter? Prim seems to think i’m crazy *shrugs*

I found this amazing card that Prim gave me when I was like 8 or 9. I absolutely love it. I laughed soo hard and almost peed my pants. I remember she always bought me something for my birthday. Always. She always took her “big sister” duties seriously. She wrote: From Big Sister To Little Toin :-)

From Big Siser

So cute. I love Prim but this Toin aint so little anymore

And at the back of the card she wrote: 2good 2 4get = 8me not lmao
I was going to post the following as my favourite holiday song but it skipped my mind in December but I’m going to share anyway.

Went to the store, sat on Santa's laps
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
He said all you need is to write them a song
You haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
Don't sing along

Monica Monica, have a happy Hannuka
Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross
& please tell Joey, xmas will be snowy
Rachel & Chandler...@@#$U@&*$&%@*&&(Y$Y&T$^@

Happy holidays everybody (This song was done by Phoebe in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Yu gotta love Phoebe)

I’ll be back.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND OCCUPYING NIGERIA

I’m back! Yay! How’s everyone been? Happy new year (I know it’s late) Shout outs and a million hugs to everyone who checked up on me, Lue, Che, NIL, Priscy, Da Injurer, 9jas great, Didi, Hazel and Rhapsody…i love you guys. My vacation was everything I hoped it would be and more. I wasn’t home, internet was poor and I could not blog on my phone. (Please if you know how to blog on bb, holler). I also tried to keep up with posts and comment on them but blogger was on my case. I was able to read some and comment while some pages turned blank. I could also comment on some but others gave me all sorts of errors including ‘error 404’ :-(

I was stupefied when I woke up on the 1^st of Jan and heard the news and in the days that followed, I went through a lot of emotions ranging from outrage, anger, surprise, elation, hope then frustration. It really pained me that i was unable to join the GEJ bloggers Protest against dear Mr. President GEJ and his crew. TUC/NLC also killed me but I guess it’s all been said and I would not bore you further. During the strike, the loudest and clearest message that hit me was: We can be United and that made me happiest. To watch Nigerians from all walks of life come together was beautiful. We will continue to occupy.

Shout outs to 9ja foodie, Adura Ojo, Da Injurer, Mena, Ginger, Prism, Tizzle, Jemima and the rest of blogville who participated in the protest. God bless you all. I was proud of everyone because it showed we have the fight in us and we are ready to speak for what we believe. I know it’s late but I’m still going to put the picture of that ridiculous budget up so here :-)

 I also read something and I thought to share:

When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse. However, in government and corporate Africa, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.

6. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

7. Hiring foreign contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

13. Promoting the dead horse so that some other horse does the job on its behalf

14. Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.

Welcome to Nigeria. Hopefully, we do not continue with this insane trend.

Like Sam Cooke sang, change is gonna come. Have a prosperous year, subsidy removal or not. And to my new followers, welcome on board my crazy ship fun space. I’ll be back with vacation gist. Thankfully, there was no juvie in the picture #wink

DEAR SANTA

 Hey people. Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Love you guys muchos. Today i am featuring a fellow almost-passive blogger who i find very eccentric. His name is IK and you can find him here although he hasn't been updating for a while. Anyway, he wrote this letter to Santa last year and i wanted to share it.

Dear Santa,

It’s funny how it’s only this time of the year you become relevant, I mean, I never ever think of you through out the whole year. Maybe it because for some reasons in the last 10 years I haven’t gotten a gift from you, now why is that? You definitely can’t say I haven’t been good these past years. Or is it because we moved and no longer live on the top floor, and our house doesn’t have a chimney? How do you ever fit into chimneys with your excess fat and sagging stomach, haven’t you heard of something called a gym? I mean you go around carrying your big fat belly around encouraging fathers that it looks cool. I guess you also drink too much beer that’s why, so which is your brand? Star, 33, Gulder? Naa you look like a Heineken man. Do me a favour, go hit the gym and while you’re at it, stop at the barbers place. They just might mistake you for a terrorist climbing people’s roofs #justsaying

I left the doors open last year hoping you’ll think it wise not to pass my house by since I don’t have a chimney, but I guess the excess fat’s getting your brains clogged. (No offense). Or could it be because the last time you landed Rudolf and the other reindeer (never figured out their names) on the roof, my neighbours saw it as an opportunity for free Christmas game kill and tried out their stoning practice on the deers hoping for free meat? Poor Rudolf! One would think that by now you’d have caught up with the 21st century and bought yourself a cool set of wheels. And quit messing up peoples roofing sheets, you do realise people in Nigeria/Ibadan use zinc right? I mean, it gets really noisy when you land, you practically wake the whole neighbourhood, which gives up your position and once again you become target practice.

Rumour has it that traps have been set for you on roofs and instead of stones like the last time, security men have been equipped with hunting rifles, its tagged “operation shoot to kill”, and who ever gets to kill or trap Rudolf gets his red nose and head.
So I advice you try the wheels. Don’t go for low cars, try the SUV’s or Sienna, they have enough room for you and the gifts. Hey I could even hook you up with a good deal. If you’re game you know how to find me.

Speaking of gifts, you really do owe me all these lost years and have to make up, also I’m going out here risking my neck by telling you the plans they have for your deer and saving your red behind so you really need to step up and show me some attic love. My list it really isn’t much just the basic;

1st of all I need a bb, not blue band I mean a black berry. I’m sick of chicks asking me for a pin and I’m running out of lines to tell them. BB bold 9700
2. An Ipad Wi-Fi 16GB tablet
3. Zune
4. Skate board…….i don’t know how too, but would be cool to carry one in my back pack.
5. Nikon D5000 digital camera
6. TAG Heuer or a Casio G- shock
7. PS 3 and make sure it comes with Call of Duty: Black Ops game
8. A date with Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj
9. A new wardrobe, with all the basics and essentials
Finally my last gift is for you…..buy a clipper for me but you can keep it, you need it more than I do. And make sure you use it; you need a serious total make over, probably should try a Mohawk or weave. Don’t you watch E! TV or The Style Network? You need to go watch them, start with TSN, watch “How Do I Look”, and then get some style tips from E! Lose that big fluffy red and white costume you wear and replace it with a suit. Trust me you’ll look more like an entrepreneur/CEO than some weirdo climbing into people’s house to toy with kids. You just might beat Brad Pitt to the father of the year award if you take my advice.

Anyway don’t say I never wrote you this year and didn’t show you love, once again my house would be the only one without a zinc roof and with the generator on, not expecting PHCN to be nice that day. Would put a sign board for you just in case and the spare house key is under the mat. So you don’t have an excuse for miss my house.
Don’t forget, gym, change your wardrobe, wheels, salon, and please quit the way you laugh, kids now know the slang word whore, so when you go HOHOHOHOHO, it sound pretty much like whorewhorewhore…….lol, sorry had to add that, really funny joke I heard.

Merry Christmas Santa, would be on the look out for you on the eve of Christmas.